Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi all went to my third meeting the other day. I was very anxious and self-conscious as I was a few minutes late. And there were lots more people there than Wednesday night. And there were more men there too who I have a deep seated fear of because of my past trauma's. The lady doing the share talked about being an incest survivor and that was it it did my nut in and I was triggered. I still managed to do a share myself however I didn't talk for long as I was shit scared and close to tears. I got home to find an abusive email from my estranged son and that really upset me and it the final straw. Off goes my alcoholic mind and the stinking thinking. I'm so scared hurt etc I need a drink to block the thoughts and feelings. A voice in my head said to me few beers won't hurt a little bit of what you fancy will do you good everything in moderation it's your choice and you are in control. I asked God to help me and to please take the urge away and the horrible feelings over and over again. I sat it out for 3 hours then it was all too much because I wasn't getting a reply from Upstairs. So lost in the craving and mental obsession was I if He was answering I couldn't hear Him. And I was so lost it didn't even occur to me to ring either of my 2 new AA girlfriends for help either. And before I knew I'd been up the road and bought 6 beers. Shared them with my man 3 each he was happy to stop at that but oh no not me I wanted more because I had lost control. In fact I've never had control over booze EVER. I was off to the races then. Went and got more beer my man had maybe 2 I had another 3 or 4. So 7 or 8 beers and I was as drunk as a skunk. Normally I would have had to have another 4 or 5 beers for it to have the same effect. Anyway 1 of my AA mates texted me to see how I was. That was about 9pm and I didn't reply for 3 hours as I was busy getting wasted. how rude of me. See what this bloody stuff does to a person. Ugh. Anyway when I did reply to her I admitted what I had done and she was kindness itself to me no judgement just loving concern. Advised me to get to a meeting the next morning. Couldn't do it on 4 hours sleep so I didn't go. went to bed 3.30 yesterday morning and got up at 11.30 feeling like dog turd :'( I felt so bloody horrible. First proper hangover in decades. And the guilt feeling like I'd let myself and everyone else down. And the shame. And the anger at myself. And the stinking thinking was still in charge because I said to myself well AA doesn't work because I went and drank again. and there is no God because He didn't help me. So I spoke to my friend again and she told me it's common to have slips in early sobriety but if I just kept coming back to meetings and use the group as my Higher Power for the time being until I was able to believe God really is there for me things will get better for me. She asked me to think about it over the weekend and see how I feel Monday. So I didn't drink yesterday and I am not doing it today either. And I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night. And I'm going to trust God more. I have learnt now how cunning baffling and powerful this disease is and how I have to learn how to manage my fear and emotions better and the thoughts that precede them. It's really tough because I have PTSD which came before the alcoholism untreated for many years and boozing was my go-to coping mechanism to deal with it. Luckily for me I'm starting proper psychotherapy soon with a clinical psychologist to tackle the PTSD and my plan is to do this alongside the AA program in order to recover. I also plan to go to my local women's center to get myself on some courses and into some groups and just generally keep busy and not isolate myself anymore to combat the boredom and loneliness that have plagued me my whole life which I used as excuses to drink on. I definitely think something inside me has shifted for the better because it would have been all too easy to go get a hair of the dog or a livener yesterday morning to cure my hangover because I have plenty of money at the moment but I just didn't want to because I knew with absolute certainty it wasn't the solution. Even if I doubted God and the program at that moment in time I knew a drink wouldn't solve the Problem. 1 is too many 99 is never enough. And I also learnt it's not the 99th drink that gets you smashed it's the very first 1 so I have to swerve the first drink at all costs. And it's like learning to ride a bike isn't it? No matter how many times I fall off I just have got to get back on it or I'll never learn how to master it. I mustn't give up and I mustn't give in. However I will have to 'take it easy'. I can't go to too many meetings as I got overwhelmed doing 3 meetings in 5 days. Damn PTSD if I try to do too much too soon I will hit a brick wall at 100mph crash and burn and risk a relapse. Absolutely cannot allow that to happen. So baby steps and 1 thing at a time for me. I have the Big Book and other AA literature my HP my friends in the fellowship I can text if I get into bother 1 or 2 meetings a week for the time being this wonderful group on DS here and I'm on a closed AA group on GB as well so I should be ok!!! :)
Sorry for the essay lol. It's a good day to be sober. Praise the Almighty. Even if I'm still not sure about Him. Lol.
Best,
Manda xxxxx
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
You are on the right road so even though there may be a few wrong turns along the way it is important to go the distance.
Your reaction to the lady sharing about being an incest survivor and to the abusive email from your son shows that there is a need for a change in the way of thinking. This change does not come about naturally as changing the habits of a lifetime requires work and dedication. Right now you don’t even need to have faith, just belief. Look around and listen to the stories of other people who have been where you are now and how they have recovered. If those people can do it, so can you.
The good thing is that the god in the Big Book can be the god of your understanding and not necessarily the God of religion. However, communicating with this spiritual entity is a two-way process. Prayer is talking to god, which is what you were doing and meditation is listening to god, which the Steps will teach you to do. You did not get the expected answers because you have not yet mastered the meditation part of the process.
For now, why not just listen and believe.
You will always get an answer but there may be a time when you are not ready to listen. Letting go of negative emotions through doing the steps and meditation is the process of clearing the blocks that interfere with the communication link between you and your Higher Power. When you meditate, ask for healing energies to come through. Just sit in a quiet room with as little noise as possible and focus on your breathing. Think of nothing else, for about 15 minutes or so and do it at least once a day. That's just one way. This is all in the book you are reading but you may not have read that far yet.
There are some good guided meditations on You tube if you want to try those to start with.
Please try to keep going to the meetings. They will help you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless
Also it is very typical that the booze is just a part of the problem. The real underlying issues of pain and trauma need to be addressed and I found help in a once a week psychologist. I will say that I got sober with the help of other alcoholics. I was fiercely independant and NEVER asked for help with anything... I guess that is why I was so hooked on booze, it didnt talk back...
I will pray for you and your journey to happiness and sobriety.
1is2many
Ultimately for me, my higher power wasn't god. God didn't tell me to drink. God didn't drive me to the liquor store. God didn't force the poison down my throat. That was all between my ears and inside me.
I learned that my higher power is within me and for me that's accountability, responsibility, ethics, morals, and knowing right from wrong.
I never had those before. AA gave me the tools to fix me. AA gave me the serenity and common sense to know, drinks aren't good, someone else who is mad at me is their problem as long as I have owned my part.
Step 9 was big for me. Apologizing to people set me free. My ex wife, my wife, my kids, former gfs, former bosses, co-workers, friends.
I wake up each day knowing I've wrong no one. It puts me at peace. I have an estranged daughter. I have learned to let her work out her issues and we can reconnect down the road.
I often find the answers are within me at times of trouble. I don't wait for God to show me a sign.
I the past I got myself in trouble, now I have the tools to get myself out of it.
Have Confidence in yourself and what your learning in AA.
Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight."
So I urge you to read your "Big Book" so you can learn the true character of our Lord...this will help build your trust and confidence in HIS word, and Use your down time to self-develop and reflect on the things that cause you to seek alcohol as a remedy. I have been blessed with a wonderful circle that keeps me encouraged and accountable, if you have this in 1 or even 2 of your fellow members, use them! It is a blessing sent from above! I am praying that you can see how wonderful you are and how important is your story and testimony.