Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I think I am giving up. My husband is the alcoholic although he seems to think that 7-10 in a sitting is a good score and is not overdoing it by any means even if it is every day. So he's an alcoholic in denial and it causes lots of problems. He was doing really well and I was really proud of them but we both got new jobs overseas working and living with a family as a nanny and a ranch hand. Although we get paid pennies for what we do I love it and I love the benefits. He loves the endless supply of free beer. Yup that is right totally endless. So after his 8th bottle and 2 glasses of champagne he continued to start an argument with me about something i have been trying to sit down for three days and talk to him about. Anyway long story short he kicked me out of our own room and made me move everything out of our room in the middle of the night while I was already sleeping in bed. So now I am in the guest bedroom begging someone to help me. Give me advice on how to help him. If he can't be helped then we are done. When he gets drunk he steals large amounts of money from me. He stole from me today. My last marriage ended just like this. Stealing, chemical abuse, kicking me out and lying. I can't take much more. Someone give me some tips or advice on how to get things under control. Thanks.
YOU can save yourself if you want to, get away from him and seek counseling for why you choose abusive partners. Don't beg anyone for help until you have helped yourself.
Take care of yourself!
It seems to me that there are two possible issues here and you would be wise to address both. Firstly, from what you have posted it would be impossible to conclude that your husband is or is not an alcoholic. Secondly, there appear to be problems in your relationship that are not necessarily related to his drinking.
The arguments, the lack of respect, lack of communication etc. would indicate that both of you are in need of some relationship counselling. In matters such as this these there may be fault on both sides but only a trained counsellor can help you with that and I would urge you to talk to one as soon as possible. That may mean that you would have to leave your ranch jobs and return home but it is a matter of setting your priorities.
Your husband may be an alcoholic or he may just be a bit irresponsible and making the most of the endless supply of free beer, as many would do in that situation. If he is just being selfish, immature and irresponsible by drinking too much, it goes back to the marriage problem. If on the other hand, he has become addicted to alcohol, he needs to deal with that before he can fix anything else and for that he will probably need help. Your approach to the subject can be of crucial importance here and you last sentence, where you ask how you can get things under control concerns me. You cannot really get your husbands drinking under control but what you can do is to try and open his eyes to the problem, if there is a problem.
Living on a ranch may leave you with few options but you need to educate yourself about alcoholism. If your husband is a heavy drinker rather than an alcoholic he can moderate his drinking or quit entirely, providing that he wants to do so. For whatever reasons he does not seem to have any desire to change at present. If on the other hand, he is indeed an alcoholic you are in different territory. In that case you would need support and usually that support is to be found at Al-Anon which may not be an option for you right now.
My suggestion to you regarding your husbands drinking is as follows. First of all, can you honestly say that he is in fact drinking too much or are you over reacting and rightly or wrongly trying to control what he does? I am not saying that you are doing that but only you will know. If you can gain an understanding of what alcoholism is and you are still convinced that your husband is an alcoholic then you have serious thinking to do. If he is an alcoholic and is not prepared to look for help you can be certain that his drinking will get worse. You then have to decide on what is the best thing for you to do in order to protect your own health and safety. It looks to me as if you would both be better off going back home and trying to sort it all out with the necessary help if you want to save your marriage.
Has it ever occurred to you that you might be compounding your partner's problem by putting pressure on him and making him feel like you are trying to control him?
7-10 units of alcohol a night for a man is more than is recommended, but that doesn't necessarily make him alcohol dependent or alcoholic.
Also, if alcohol is his problem and there is a [totally] endless supply of free beer," then why would he feel the need to steal money from you?
Try backing off a bit. Give your husband some space, then when you're both less strung out, ask him if he ever wonders if he drinks more than he should. Then leave him to mull over that question. He ought to be able to give you an answer within a couple of days.
Try not to loom over him or make him feel like you're judging him and he might even surprise you and ask for your help.
If he doesn't think he has a problem, but you still do, then maybe he's not the man you thought he was.
Good luck x