So you have 21 days? Congrats! Keep on keeping sober a day at a time:-)

If I am looking for the things that go awry or what's wrong in my life I can usually find or make something up every day. I seem to do OK in crisis mode. I like drama. It is/was the "boredom", the daily grind of life that at times, more so in the beginning, that caused my mind to wander to the excitement of using. Once I began to realize and accept that boring was OK and that life was not meant to be a thrill a minute that I began to make progress at living life on my own terms and not thinking I needed to be doing this or that to be "normal" or fit in...

10 years and 21 days abstinent with a couple of bumps in the road is quite an accomplishment and nothing too shabby.

Zachary 18, I seem to like drama too, or at least I've always found women that are drama queens. Every time I think I've found a sane woman, they end up flipping out on me! My "picker" is broke! Every time I have ended up in trouble and drinking again, it is over a psycho nutty bitch! Lol I'm about ready to give up on finding a sane one, I need to find one that has her own house, supports herself and willing to just date indefinitely! Do they exist? Haven't had much luck with relationships! Sly

I hear ya Sly. Well, I've had a couple of relationships that were doozies too. I was as sick, manipulative, unbalanced, and starved for affection as they were, though. I like the place you are currently coming from now. It took me several "gold diggers" and emotionally abusive relationships to get there.

What I interpret from from what you wrote you are looking for activity partners. Once I lost that air of desperation and adopted that approach the loneliness faded as I found people just to go out and do things with. Amazingly enough I attracted a better caliber of people that way. And yes there are women out there that are just as abused and bitterly disappointed in their past relationships that are sane and looking for warm caring people, or to just someone to shoot a round of mini-golf with, if you will.

In closing, I would like to add that I drank over a couple of psycho relationships (my own relationship with myself included) early on, but I wore out that "credit card" real quick so to speak...Good luck and stay focused on not picking up and things will fall into place. Well may be not exactly as we desire or on the time table we want but better than if we get and stay drunks....

Really you drink because of "psycho nutty bitch(es)?"
That's a lot of power to give someone else.

I drank as I'm alcoholic. I drank married to an amazing kind man. We are still married now that I'm sober. I drank married to a violent man. I just drank. But I guess that's just me....

Hi Sly,
You teach people how to treat you. You pick those women because you wouldn't know how to react if they acted differently. You drink over it because you're an alcoholic and that's the way you have always dealt with it.

Yes, you really like the drama queens. If you had someone with a steady head, you wouldn't even be attracted to them at all.

Does that help? And congrats on 21 days!

It is based in the need for endorphins. I used to drink and pursue PNB because of the charge. Now I get a charge out of sober. Out of going to work and nailing my job.

But honestly drama is good

1is2

I wasn't drinking until I was booked into jail and faced trial for her actions. She was a sweet quiet girl until my ex-wife texted me at 1:00 in the morning FROM FLORIDA! That is when her Intermittent Explosive Disorder surfaced and changed my life in about 120 seconds. She didn't file a report until nearly 24 hours later, I never got to tell the cops my side of the story and was charged with and put on trial for a DV I didn't commit. Very traumatic experience! Yes I drank over it. I won the court battle later and quit drinking again. Don't try to tell me most people wouldn't have drank over it, because you would be full of shit! Sticky, don't waste your time, you are on ignore! We have a personality conflict and I don't want to be kicked off of here, as this is my support system.

While it is a relatively common response to cope with bad situations by drinking, even more so for those if us with a substance abuse problem, it is like putting out fire with gasoline. However, the drinking response has to be ended or curtailed if we end up drunk and it interferes with our lives. You have done that and learned a valuable lesson a long the way. It is true that no one or nothing really has the power to make us drink, but saying it and implementing it are two different things.

I get the concept, but really, there are circumstances which almost anyone would crack under. Wondering if you are going to jail for a period of time is one of them, especially if you are not guilty of what you are accused of. It landed me in the hospital for 8 days because I wanted to kill myself! I'm not normal though, I have multiple anxiety disorders. It makes a difference! Don't go into the AA cured my anxiety bullshit either, if that is the case then you don't have an anxiety disorder! Sly

I would be very upset with the prospect of going to jail and be very angry about it if I were innocent. I would do some stuff that weren't the healthiest things in the world. I'd probably alternate between pulling the covers over my head and extreme agitation. Maybe even both at the same time. I'd also would do some things that would be a healthier response. Kind of a mixed bag. Would I drink or abuse drugs is an open question. Honestly, since I quit smoking 6 weeks ago returning to that would be a distinct possibility.

I suffer from bi-polar. I know that staying away from alcohol became easier once I got stabilized on meds and finally clicked with a psychiatrist, although it took so god damn long that I thought I was going to be grossly defective for the rest of my life. Nowadays, my defectiveness varies day to day, but it's manageable by my own standards. I've gotten through things I thought I would fall totally apart in the past. Life is still like finger nails on a chalk board at times sometimes for such a very long time, but it does pass, just like when my life is going smooth as silk. I hope we can continue to share our victories and heartaches.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0LAs7X5ybE

I remember that song from highschool, I liked J. Geils band. My psych and therapist are still kicking around the idea as to whether or not I am.bipooar II. Right now my meds are working well and my mood has been pretty steady. When I was drinking, I was very depressed and lonely. That has subsided since I quit, but I'm still low on energy and motivation. I am disabled and in moderate pain pretty much all of the time. I keep adjusting my non psych meds to try to change that. So far to no avail. I can't take pain meds because they are highly not recommended for abdominal pain. I'm probably better off without them anyway because of my addictive personality. Sly

You hang in there Sly. 10 years and 23 days, but whose counting anyway ;