Congratulations on your 2 almost 3 months.
Step 4...Is an eye opener. Do you have the form that helps you go thru the step? ?
If you don't find it on line, its very helpful.
I learned a lot about myself in this step. Some say it is scary. I found it exciting.
I was in an intense step group meeting and being completely honest...even with your worst secrets is important for you to see exactly what you have hidden and how it has affected your life and others.

CG, first up congrats on the courage to be doing this.

When I was doing my 4 step my sponsor said to me that I did not have to do it correct and I could not do it wrong. The step will pan out exactly how it is needed for me.

The more honest I became the more freedom I found for me there was definitely a coloration for me.

I wish you all the best G8

I'm really pleased to hear you are giving the Steps your best effort. When I did Steps 4 and 5 it was like shining a torch in all the dark places I didn't want to look. That was not easy but I didn't understand fully how much help that would be in really getting to know myself without the blinkers on.

I also found that it empowered me for the future to spot when I was veering off course and adjust my behaviour and thoughts accordingly. I still make a lot of mistakes, sometimes lessons are very hard learned for me but I do learn eventually. As long as I make progress, keep trying to do the best I can, that is a good thing and essential for my continued sobriety.

I am grateful to all who help me along the way, also the spiritual tools the programme gives me and beyond. I will never be perfect but no human being is.

How you do your Step 4 Is between you and your sponsor, straight out of the book or using some kind of form, although Forms are usually a rehab idea. For me the most important thing was to deal with the "worst stock in trade" in my inventory. The minutiae could be dealt with at a slower pace later on.

Just some of my own experience and thoughts on the subject.

I've done step 4 and 5 twice. The first time I was in rehab and the counselor wouldn't let me leave until I did it. It was okay but nothing earth shattering. At that point in time, I had mostly only hurt myself and my husband (well, my employer too). When I had a major relapse and wrecked my car, got a DUI and lost my license for a year, my sponsor said I needed to start at step 1 again, so I did.

I did a step 4 and 5 a second time. Actually, once you get through step 9, the last three steps are a continuous check in on ourselves in terms of our character defects and setting things straight quickly.

Don't set yourself up- do the best you can. If you feel something was missed or something comes up later, that is what steps 10 and 11 are for.

Also, please note that step 5 is sharing this your higher power and another human being and be careful about who you choose to tell. Step 6 is simply being ready to have your higher power remove the defects and step 7 is asking for them to remove those defects.

Step 8 comes from the 4th step- making a list. Should not be too daunting. Step 9, my sponsor tells me can take time and we shouldn't rush into things.

I hope this helps.

Hello ConfusedGuy69,

Congratulations on 2 months that is a great achievement.

Step 1 is the only one that you can do perfectly and after that it is about doing it to the best of your ability at that particular time. My experience of doing Step 4 was that I did all sorts of reading and research that I thought was necessary. Later I learned that everything that I needed to know was in the Big Book and all I had to do was to listen to my sponsor and one other source that my sponsor used and that I will describe later. What I have also learned since then is that it is only with the passage of time and trying to put the steps into practice that my understanding grows.

Steps 1 to 3 are the information Steps and Step 4 is the first of the action steps so that is where the work starts. However, there is no need for Step 4 or any step to be tough and I will come back to the reason for that. Step 1 identifies the exact nature of the problem and it is vital to understand the problem before attempting to fix it; otherwise it is likely that the solution is going to be wrong and that it will lead to failure. Once the nature of the problem is understood, Step 2 offers a solution that is tailored to fixing that problem. If the problem is powerlessness then the obvious solution is to find a power.

Step 3 is where confusion often starts and a failure to understand this step is what leads to difficulties with some of the remaining steps and a fear of doing particular steps. Having identified the nature of the problem in Step 1 and seeing that there is a solution in Step 2, there is now a decision to be made. Do I continue as before and hope for the best or do I embark upon this programme of recovery that leads to a spiritual awakening and that removes the obsession for alcohol?

Many people tend to think that Step 3 is about turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him and they miss the first few words Made a decision to Step 3 is just about making a DECISION to do something else and the decision is followed by action in the remaining steps. I had no idea what was meant by will and lives and found the whole thing difficult and frustrating until it was explained: My will means my thoughts and my life means my actions. Therefore, we make a decision to turn our thoughts and actions over to the care of God as we understand Him. The decision is acted upon as you go through Steps 4 to 9.

Step 3 reminds me of the story of the footprints in the sand. The man who was struggling was walking on the beach and he had God walking alongside. However, when he struggled the most there was only one set of footprints. The man got angry and said that God abandoned him when he needed Him the most. God replied that where there was only one set of footprints, that is where I carried you. In putting the decision made in Step 3 into action, you can ask God to carry you when needed and in that way, no step will be tough.

The instructions for Step 4 are very precise in the Big Book and there is even an example that shows how to do it (page 65 in the BB Fourth Edition). Apart from a good sponsor, the most valuable help that I found was the Joe McQuany videos. Steps 1 and 2 are posted on YouTube and can be downloaded for free but I dont see the remaining ones there. You can purchase them for about $60 for the complete set of six videos but that is a decision for each individual and I am only the messenger.

Thanks so much for all the input, I'll take some time to digest, I'll be with my sponsor on Saturday and he expects results.

The important thing for me in step 4 was to also list my assets and begin to focus on strengthening them, along with listing the things holding me back. As I was in therapy throughout the process the gory details of my past were shared in a more confidential professional way.

I did the fourth step in my Buddhists practice. The moral inventory is not a list of everything wrong with me. It is a list that also includes everything good about me. It's is done in preparation for a mindful meditation practice. I do't have to do anything about it. It is a process of getting to know myself. I am not sure how AA does it.

We do not do anything like the fifth step. I don't have to share it with anyone.