I was right there with you just a short time ago. I eventually found that alcohol owned me and I could not function without it. No this from a super independent type was a problem. I could not live with it or without it.

Finally I just gave up and went to a place where alcoholism is spoken. I learned from others how to short circuit my need for escape. I learned to deal with life. It's been quite empowering to say that I didn't drink today.

I started here and still check in daily. I must remember how I was chained to booze.

You can move forward too C'mon

1is2 many

Getting to the root of why you drink is a good start. You said your evenings are boring otherwise. I used to LOVE getting buzzed in the evenings and going to another place in the corners of my mind. I didn't realize at the time that I was escaping realities that made me uncomfortable.
I hit rock bottom and I am at the point now that any offer to drink is a life/death proposition. I have started to address my issues head on and now I look forward to a quiet and relaxing sober night, and REAL sleep induced by natural tiredness and ease, and not by any amount of substance.

You may be thinking,. "No you are no understanding me. I am not that bad. I just like to drink in the evenings for the joy of it." But remember, we were all you once. I advise you to take NO advice lightly and avoid the "well you need that, perhaps, but not me, I don't". That's your dependency and attachment to the drink talking.

I agree with Sosa . . . Because I'm in the same place. I read posts here, and I think "I'm not that bad. I just want to cut back. I only drink at night."

The thing I've learned from coming here is this: alcohol is progressive. You start with a glass of wine at dinner, or to relax, and only on weekends. Then it's weekdays too. Then a glass becomes a bottle. Then you drink until you fall asleep (which is really pass out).

That having been said, I've been having fairly good luck with setting a set number of days to not drink - like a count down. Currently I'm on day 4 of 12. I will have a drink on Valentine's Day, but then I'm planning on stopping again for Lent. You get the idea. Perhaps this might work for you?

I can see myself, one day, only drinking on holidays and special occasions.

Good luck on your journey.

Drinking as you do, I will be surprised if you can cut back. Why not stop altogether right now, it would be easier in the long run.

I used to think sobriety would be boring in my earlier drinking days, and as my alcoholism progressed the thought of sobriety became truly terrifying.

Eventually I went to Alcoholics Anonymous because I had nowhere left to go. There I learned a lot about myself and others with a common problem and then I went through the recovery process. My life is so much better in every way since I last took a drink nearly 8 years ago.

There are other recovery plans and programmes too, some say they can do it alone and some don't. Whichever way you go put your heart and soul into it, getting and staying sober takes dedication and daily action. There is far more to it than apparent at first, the drinking is a symptom of something much deeper I found.

Hello TaylorSky,

One of the most frightening things that I found about my drinking was that all of those bad things that happened to other people but not to me were suddenly appearing on the horizon. That was when I decided to stop but then found that I could not do it on my own.

I avoided thinking too much about the problem, like sweeping the dirt under the carpet. I didnt drink during the day, although that changed too. I looked forward to drinking and wrongly believed that life without alcohol would be boring. What I did not know was that the real reason for drinking in the way that I did was because I had crossed the line into alcoholism.

You too may be on the same path that I have travelled. If that is the case you cannot drink safely and your best option is to quit entirely. If, after you have decided to stop drinking, you find it difficult to stay sober then I would urge you to seek face to face help.

I think everyone on this site has a 'story'... I used to party like a rockstar, do all nighters, and be perfectly fine. Then BAM, late 30 rolled around and story changed for the BAD. All those things I used to do, started to take a toll.
Coming here iss helpful, you can read, get advice and give advice. You will also meet some nice people who are in the same boast as you and who care...

Thank you everyone for the advice! I have been aware that I have a drinking problem, even if I don't drink during the day. It is the fact that I simply look forward to drinking and without it something seems like it is missing. I am trying to start new hobbies and stay busy and healthy, but it is definitely difficult. I hope this site just continues to inspire me!

I can completely relate to what you are doing, as my habits are exactly like yours. I go to work everyday and there is no chance that I would drink before or during work, but when I get home I drink probably 6-8 and stay up drinking until my body has had enough. As much as I want to just have a couple and go to sleep nice and early so I can be well rested the next day, I can't do it. That's how I know I'm an alcoholic.

Anyway, I realized that drinking every day I trained my brain to be alcoholic and I got drunk every day for probably 8 months before realizing my problem, learning about it, and then accepting I couldn't control it. I don't know what the solution for you is. Hell, I don't know what the solution for me is.

But there are a ton of people like me who are going through what you are going through. Reach out for support. There are a lot of wise people on this site that have seen it all.

For me, talking with family and friends that aren't alcoholics is EXTREMELY difficult because they don't understand the compulsion. It's one of the harder things for me to deal with, accepting that they love me, but will never understand my problem or how to fix it.

Interesting short read about a girl that gave up alcohol for a year and the effects on her life:

http://www.realfarmacy.com/7-things-learned-year-without-alcohol/

My problem is/was very similar. The amazing people I have met at AA totally understand. Drinking habits can be all over the board. Once I accepted and acknowledged I had a serious problem it was very easy for me to open up to the people at AA. I know I have a long way to go but without being around other alcoholics to talk to I could not quit. The camaraderie is hard to explain unless you experience it. No judgement, just people like us that want to help.

I used to look up to my sports hero's. Now I look up to my friends at AA that have been sober for years, they are my inspiration!

Yes that's where I was when I tried to sober up on my own. It worked, for a few days, a few months, even 2 years. But I'd drink and then it would be just that smidgen worse each time.
So I guess the question is are you alcoholic? If you are, cutting back isnt a real option. Its a fantasy. Like growing a foot taller or opening up the back door to a rainbow unicorn.

I would consider myself an alcoholic because I rely on alcohol for comfort, a stress free life, and the idea of happiness. I drink everyday and without it, I would be anxious and stressed. But, I am aware enough that I know it is an issue and that I do need to stop. I am also in the beginning stage of hoping that maybe I can just drink one drink, but in reality, I know I cant. It will be a long journey. Thanks everyone for the stories and advice!

Hello TaylorSky,

As stickywick has pointed out there is no half-way position or half measures with alcoholism. Just as a woman cannot be half pregnant, you cannot be partly alcoholic and if you are alcoholic you cannot drink safely (See the thread: Need to stop for a detailed explanation).

One of the things to bear in mind about alcoholism is that it screws up your thinking and consequently you will come to believe a lot of thoughts that are not true. When I was drinking I thought that life without alcohol would have been impossible and not worth living but my thinking was all wrong. In reality I was living my life like a man who bought an expensive new car and always drove it in second gear. Without alcohol my life has moved up a few gears and I am no longer weighed down in the way that I was before.

You are at the point where you admit to having a problem with alcohol. Now you could move forward a little further and accept that you cannot drink. Acceptance is often accompanied by a wave of self-pity the why me thinking but there is then a decision to be made. Are you going to live a life of constant struggle against the urge to drink or are you ready to do whatever it takes in order to move on and be free from the shackles of alcoholism?

Taylor,
I have a similar problem, except I have had years of sobriety, then years of drinking that wine every night. I also had some more serious trouble in my teens and early twenties. But, I always managed to make sure that I didn't get too drunk, never had any complaints about my drinking, etc. But, like you, I desired that evening drink, then it was two, then it was a little earlier on the weekends. I know I was heading down the wrong path. I did not want to get worse. So I stopped completely. And I will not drink again. I agree with everyone about having to give it up completely. And I also agree that we can justify use when we don't really want to stop. All that does is prolong the inevitable. Alcohol is progressive. I have been clean for over one month. I have attended several AA meetings which have offered support, as this group has, I returned to church, and I increased my activities that help with stress and anxiety (ie:yoga, walking). I also looked into SMART, but with no meetings close, I think I will stick with AA for the additional support I need. I wish you good luck with your journey. You certainly are not alone.