Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
As a daughter of an alcoholic and gambler I know all too well co-dependent behavior when I see it. This past weekend my 13 yr old suggested we go to a restaurant where only beer and wine is served. She opened up to me and said she thought it would be better for dad because they do not serve vodka!! OUCH! I felt like I let her down. What to do? My husband has really cut down on his drinking and I don't want her to worry about different scenarios for him. What to do?
That's a good thing right?
Hugs,
Dennis
What to do? Use this as a GIANT red flag to leave.
Why are you always telling people to leave, run or get out? Why would you also say I was co-dependent one?
http://www.mic.ul.ie/adminservices/counsellingservices/Documents/1adultchildrenofalcoholics.pdf
http://www.mic.ul.ie/adminservices/counsellingservices/Documents/1adultchildrenofalcoholics.pdf
Adult Children of Alcoholic's or Dysfunctional families
Adult Children of Alcoholics
World Service Organization, Inc
The Problem
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional household. We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people-pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat. We either became alcoholics (or practiced other addictive behavior) ourselves, or married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we stood up for ourselves rather than giving in to others. Thus, we became reactors, rather than actors, letting others take the initiative. We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. Yet we kept choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us co-victims, those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and kept them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue. Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable relationships.
This is a description, not an indictment.
The Laundry List
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2.We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3.We are frightened by angry people and any personal critcism.
4.We either became alcoholics, we married them or both,or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5.We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by the weakness in our love and friendship relationships
6.We have a overdeveloped since of responsibility.of responsibility,and its easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us to not look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feeling when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial),
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self- esteem.
12We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings,which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para- alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.