Hi everybody... i am stuggling so bad today. It all started with facebook, of all places haha but i came into contact with some childhood friends. It was nice to say hi... but when it came down to asking questions about where i have been in life... my accomplishments, education, travelling and such... i got an overwhelming sense of despair. All my old friends, married, successful, everything i want in life and then theres me.... have my high school upgrading... wow... at 29 years old..i have four kids..been mostly a low income single mom... been with an asshole for the past 11 years...who doesnt want to marry me... success?? It doesnt feel like it. How can i explain to someone that since i've been thirteen, my life consisted of drinking and darkness.... that just to be alive was a stuggle... with the depression and alcoholism... that its only been two years since i've actually started to enjoy life. I am sober... but it feels like f all... i feel ashamed of myself... that i've let life pass me by for so long... what do i have to show??? A lonely, isolated life.. sober, yea, happy not so much... at first i felt like i was on the top of the world... that i could accomplish my goals... to pursue a higher living... but today it feels like i am at the bottom again. Honestly, i almost feel like going out to get drunk... just to have something in my life to work on again. I know thats messed up. I miss the enthusiasm i had when i first sobered up... now i just feel blah...hurt, lonely, sad, dreary, scared, alone, unheard, desperate........ please pray for me to get to a meeting and seek help...
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