I don't know when I stopped obsessing. During the first few weeks I sure thought about it a lot!

I guess I still think about drinking/not drinking (that's what I think about when I am on DS most often)and sometimes I want a drink. Most of the times that want is a thought that goes away quickly. There are a few times since I quit last December that the want felt like a real need attached to an emotional upset or experience.

I was REALLY obsessed with drinking while I was a drinker. I always knew how much vodka I had left, where it was hidden, and when I needed to buy another bottle. I planned my life around trips to buy more and being at home where I could drink it without anyone seeing me. That type of obsession, that thought that gripped me without letting go, was gone in the first week of quitting.

Once I made the decision to quit, the obsession pretty much left. No that's not right. Once I made the decision to quit forever the obsession left. But that ain't it either.

When I made the decision at a level beyond any thought process, deeper than any emotion... at my core??? and realized I could never drink again, then the obsession left. For the most part. My mind occasionally likes to jump in and fuck with my head.

Here is something I don't get. When I quit smoking I often had dreams where I was smoking. They felt very real and I would wake up pissed off that I had started again. (I never did.) Since I quit drinking, I have not had any dreams where I am drinking.

ExJ -- For whatever reason, I cannot GET it at a core level that I won't drink again. I think it has something to do with envisioning a future for myself period. Nuther can o' worms. I have a lot to work on emotionally. The only "relief" I can imagine getting from anything is in a drink. What if I let go of booze? Then what? Will I have ANY relief? It is terrifying to think I have to "carry this weight" with no relief. This "weight" may or may not be rational. It is a couple of things specifically. Ok. Good to realize that.

I have drinking/using dreams almost every night. They are to the tone of "slow suicide" - I don't drink "normally" even in these dreams. I dream "giving up" but mainly just for relief. It won't come. I stay sober because I know drinking won't help, but yea it will eventually kill me. I don't want to die, just apparently terrified of living beyond booze.

Giving up drinking "at the core" is what I think I haven't been able to do. Sort of like giving up cigs but keeping a pack around just in case, so you won't have to spend the money on another "when" you fail. So, how do I shift that thinking. Dang, I felt the pain. I don't want to go back to drinking. This could go on forever. Maybe meditation on letting it go will help. I am going to start meditating and praying tonight. I'm not going to talk about the obsession anymore. Done. I will focus on living and letting go.

Thanks ExJ. Made me think it through. xo

Thanks Pam. I get it :).

How 2 It certainly reads like you've been having a testing day to say the least
.well done for sharing it. getting it out there. ratting on your disease. the "great obsession" has to be smashed but some days we all struggle
you didn't isolate some days just not picking up a drink has to be reward enough It's a new day over here soon will be for you to.
I know you love football sorry (soccer) maybe you just played in a goaless draw which allways feels better the day after take care xo

ya know Anna, if thinking about giving up drinking for life is causing you this much stress maybe don't think of it in those terms. Just think of it as I don't drink as opposed to I am never going to drink again. Just get through the present. There is a phenomenon I refer to as the "take away". We used to use this mind tactic in sales and I saw it demonstrated literally hundreds of times. If you tell someone they can't have something they want it much worse than they would normally. Forget this "for life" stuff right now. It's putting too much pressure on you and you are burning too many brain cells over it. Just live in the today and today you are someone who does not drink. You are doing great.

Good stuff Rick :). I don't drink anymore. I am trying to get used to that. This is something for whatever reason I can wrap my brain around. I don't drink.

Rivalino - Ha! I just played to a 4-4 tie but had 2 goals myself. Not so happy about the tie but I did my part. So I am lighting a candle, pray for this obsession to be removed and be grateful for everything I have instead of focusing on what I can't have. Going to give this meditation stuff a try and my mantra will the feeling of acceptance. I am doing my part. A tie tonight is okay.

Thank you everyone. I feel good tonight.

Dang-I told you this group has some good stuff to offer! great post.

I read your statement that you felt a bit like an oddball that you still obsess-at it is relieving to hear others have had this problem in their sobriety. I must say that this is very normal! It is abnormal-and absolutely amazing, to fight this obsession and re-train your brain to get over this as an option. I especially love Rick's advice on getting to the root of "why" you drank. I am still working on that-and you know, as I get more and more layers peeled, I am less and less obsessed with "transference" stuff I switched to after drinking. I am slowly lifting my propensity to be compulsive in general-the healthier I get, and the more I shed and put to rest my difficulties of the past.

This is a hard core brain habit too-just give it time. My 'obsession" was lifted right when I got sober this last time. But this was after a long hard road. However, it took me about six months, like others have said, to stop automatically thinking about having booze during the day. I had done it for so long, it was like breathing!

You are doing great. Keep up the meditation and prayer-helps me more that I sometimes even am conciously aware-of this I am sure! :)