Hey there, sorry you are fighting this and you have come so far. Really proud of you. Maybe it's a time thing, I don't know. It seems like 4 months is a long time but in the scheme of things it is not. And maybe w time these feelings will fade. Hope you can endure the annoying thoughts and replace them with other desires. Xxxhugsxxxxx

So slept a couple hours. Dreamt another relapse already. Never good dreams. Always nightmares. Annoying. Why dream this crap? Maybe this my unconscious's way of reminding me I don't want it. I mean really... That dream sucked in every way possible.

Hi Anna,

For me, it took i think a good 2 years to really not miss it, not want it, not to be jealous that others still could go out to drink, vacation, why go? To me this part took time. I could be wrong maybe alittle shorter where i was finally happy i didn't drink.

There are other positives that come that help you get through it. Getting control of your life, better relating to family(they were very happy in my case), understanding life more or just being a more of a part of it. Hopefully making new friends. There are many, i just can't think of more???. I found myself getting so much more out of my work.

It comes, but it takes a while to really feel secure in it. You are still early sobriety. Seasons affect you different. Christmas was a trigger for me. All the liquers to warm you up and celebrate at the bar with your friends. Big snow days, you'd go to the bar(bus or walk, some guy would drive you home in a 4 wheeler.) Summer is hard if you live in an active area, bars around, close to fairs or festivals or work with people that head to the bars after.

Anyway, that for me was a lot to learn to not miss. I had no guarantee that I WOULD ever feel different about not drinking. Actually, i really thought i would always wish i could still. Not so at all. IT REALLY will change for you Anna, but it took me pretty much time to finally say, I really like the sober life more and i never want to go back.

You'll get there,

Much Love,:)
Pam

HI Anna- Obviously after 4 months it's a totally mental game going on right now. The physical part is long gone. That's good. One down one to go. This one is a bit harder. Have you ever figured out why or come to terms with why you drank so much? If you are of the disease theory school not much to think about I guess. I am not. Once I realized the "why" behind why I wanted to drink so much I was able to take action and make changes in my life. Once I started taking action, the cravings/obsession faded. In my case it was loss of job, sick child, marital issues, etc. When I took control of my life I no longer felt the need to self medicate and hide from life in a bottle. Either way just remember with every passing day you don't drink you will get stronger.

Oh, you also asked when it was removed. I would say it was totally removed in the 6-8 month range. Two reasons I believe. One was once I got 6 months in I knew I had it under control and two all though I still had thoughts of drinking I realized them for what they were. Just an old thinking "habit" due to 20 years of having that thought. Realizing that's what they were and they were not really me wanting to drink made them lose there power and fade away.

Well this is all part of the process - phases of the changes.

IMO you can think about the not drinking too much at times - when we drank EVERYTHING we did was alcohol associated, even if we didn't drink everyday - we had just drank for so long. Creating a life without alcohol can be an awkard thing so it brings us back to thinking or obsessing about alcohol - so of it's amazement of how much alcohol was involved in our lives and sometimes it's because of a bored brain - now that you are not drinking it's time to put that brain to work - expand it - fill it with other fuels of knowledge instead of drowning it out.

Quite focusing on what you are not going to do (drink) and focus on what you can do, work, home, exercise, play - rearrange the furniture, take a different route to work, do some volunteer work, visit that precious niece of yours more often - change your routine, distract your brain, give it new challenges.

Love you!

I agree with Pam. Sobriety journeys are different for all of us. The amount of time it takes for us to lose all interest may never come. Over time we can learn to manage the temptation, feelings and emotions behind it. We can learn what triggers us and how to overcome those times.

For me, I'm a numbers, dates and situation person. There is a date which has numbers which corresponds to a situation in which I still have issues with. A specific time frame that comes to mind is my birthday and the weekend after. For YEARS its been a celebration starting the day of my birthday followed by the entire weekend after it. Beach & booze every year. Ironically its also when I got sober....the weekend after my birthday. 21st is my birth date and the 25th is my sober date.

In the nearly 3 years since it has gotten easier. I'm a people watcher. I see all the shenanigans and am reminded I have chosen to walk a different path. Thankfully. Even on my most craptastic days I can take a whiff of some liquor and almost immediately get nauseous. Again thankful for that. You are not alone that's for sure. I've chosen to use my sobriety to my advantage and others. By helping others I'm helping myself.

As a side note I have attended some AA meetings & just haven't found ones that I felt I could thrive in. So, I've chosen other avenues I feel like I can benefit from. I've got the book and workbook companion called A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps, the Big Book, Hazelden.org (which send daily notes with helpful daily thoughts and such) and a strong support system in place. Each day things get a bit better even if you don't notice right away.

We're here for you and have been where you are.....

:)

Thanks everyone. Gave me lots to think about.

Rick - good question about the why. For awhile now I have been preaching that o didn't need a why but I am starting to realize that maybe I didn't need a "specific" reason, but there is an underlying cause that I can't seem to solve on my own. Emotion, period. Can't seem to handle it right. I got escape and relief through. Now that it's gone, I don't know HOW to feel. I am working with a therapist but she is hesitant to move on because of my lack of coping mechs - sees a catch 22 to me.

Jacker - I am get

Not sure what happened there but I wasn't done typing...

Jacker - I am getting better about filling free time and exercising, but triggers needing to wind down it seems. Geez literally everything triggers me. I am getting better with avoiding boredom in any case.

I remind myself it's only 4 mos and if I drink I will have to start over. I am encouraged by the replies - thank you.

howto, I'm at about 10 months and found that the obsession went away at around 5 months.

But it does reappear now and then, not very often but it does come up. It starts as a fleeting thought- for instance, I'm buying milk or eggs and it occurs to me that there is wine on isle 4. Usually I just hasten my pace on passed isle 4. Sometimes that drinking thought goes away then. I buy the milk and go home and do something.

Sometimes the thought persists. What works best for me to to DO something! Thinking about it and analysing it makes it stronger. The less I let that thought hang around the sooner it leaves.

It is a very tough process to quit. Just keep on and you have to just feel the emotion. If your angry, your angry. Don't ever judge yourself for an emotion. They are natural.

I had a close sister say to me in my second or third year sober, that i was JEALOUS of her and another sisters closeness. That i should feel guilt that i had such a feeling? WHAT??? I said, yes i am feeling jealous and thats ok, it is nothing to be ashamed of!!! Luckily i had learned that its ok to say yes, i am!... I have to find a constructive way to look at it. Its not good to deny it. What am i jealous of? Am i hurt that she wouldn't let me get as close to her? Is it i'm too up front with her and too honest about stuff i see as to why i cannot build a better relationship with her?

Anyway, it has worked out and now i am closer to both of them! YEAH! I may come off strong, but i mean well and care alot.


I hope this helps some and i wasn't totally off track putting all this in here!!

Hope you feel better soon Anna!

Pam

Thanks Pam.

...Also want to say... I think some people are discouraged to hear that the obsession may stick around, but for me it is encouraging. At least I know it is not abnormal. I really hope it doesn't persist 2 years but if it does I guess so be it. I see it as delaying gratification in a way. I just keep putting off that drink and seem to be okay. It's a mere annoyance most of the time. I think once I get through the summer it will get easier - I always smoked when I drank so had to be outside for most of it.

For whatever reason too, I have found myself entertaining the thought because that alone gives me some kind of fix, but I think I will work on dismissing it instead. I can't keep fantasizing - It will drive me crazy.

Just "feeling" the emotion... This is where people say I am "not unique" and I say I am. I think I need to learn how it's ok to feel. Right now I just go on mental lockdown and and end up paralyzed with obsession. ...Just too many years burying too much shit. Like I said - am working on this with my therapist. It just isn't a simple rational task for me to "feel" right now. I'm a weirdo I know.

Thanks again everyone. I actually felt better this morning having read all the replies. xo

My experience much like Compost...the OBSESSION (constant thinking and focusing on either drinking or not drinking) went away about 4-5 months. Now its more of the passing thought. Occasionally an actual desire to drink....BUT not obsessive. I'm able to live my life alcohol free...free of FEAR (for the most part). Anna...nothing is PERFECT including recovery from alcohol abuse. Continue to continue and it WILL happen for you. <<<<<ANNA>>>>>

I have lots of problems at times with obsessive thinking. Try as I may there is no way that I can seem to stop it. In my case I have found that the best way to deal with these thoughts is to just accept the fact that I'm having them and experience them. If I try to stop them they just seem to become more persistence because they are what I am focusing on. If I accept them and realize that sooner or later they will pass I get over them a lot faster.

I think it is a lot like dealing with grief. In order to get past grief we have to go through it. If we try and stuff the grief so we don't have to experience it it may disapear for a while but it is still there for us to deal with in the future. You may need to just go ahead and realize that you are going to have thoughts about drinking for a while but they will pass. At 4 months you may be close to that time.

Thanks Mando. That is where I am at right now I think... Just trying to live with it. I can't be so afraid of relapsing all the time. It is so overwhelming I think fear of failing feeds it. I am not going to talk about it anymore either. Just going to let it be. I will feel it and let it go.

Thanks.

Anna,

Its nutty Pam! The obsession does leave way earlier than 2 years! The i really like this life better than drinking took 2 years.

I did away with any drinking paraphernalia too(wine glasses, wine openers, coctail glasses,all had to go.)! Any reminders were no good for me. I stayed away from any restaurants that served alcohol too.

I know you have a husband, not sure if he ever partakes in front of you. That would have really been hard.

Had to clarify. It doesn't take that long.

Do tell on yourself and use that phone. You are only as sick as your secrets.

:)