Sorry 2hearts, I can kinda get where she is coming from. It's you that has the problem, not her. A six pack doesn't sound so crazy for a weeks worth of camping.

I can also see where you're coming from though, too. If you've been doing this for three years and alcohol has never been a part of it -- it sounds like maybe the rules are being changed without you having a say in it. Seems to me she could do without it, outta respect for you. I can see how this would make you re-evaluate the friendship.

So, you are never around alcohol, then? I can't even imagine how you accomplish this. You do leave your house, right? Do you not ever go to a wedding reception, cookout or party where alcohol is being served?

Please know that I am not knocking "your way" of staying sober. I have chosen a different route for myself, but that certainly doesn't mean your way is wrong. Whatever is working - more power to you!

So, what is the verdict -- is the trip still on? Can you maybe talk to her again?

I could understand if you were new to sobriety. But 25 years and you are still that vulnerable. Maybe it was her approach, I don't know. Just does not sound like an unreasonable request to me.

Well, I see where you are coming from too. I think you both need to put the emotions aside and agree to disagree. Just let her know that it is nothing personal, but that this alcoholism can pop back into your life and any time, and in order for you to regulate it, you have geared your life in certain ways-one is to not be in such close proximity. Again, do this in a non-judgmental fashion. She will either get it or not-it is then up to her.

I must admit that I don't understand why a person with 25 years of sobriety feels so vulnerable to a relapse just because someone has a six pack. But OTOH, if you do request that the get together be alcohol free, I think she ought to honor it out of respect for you.

I agree with your comments KarmicKool. This is not about her.... I don't want to be in a place where it can pop back into my life. I just rather not be tested.

Regarding what you said Jan Not being around alcohol. Over the years I have been around alcohol at various function. I make a choice before hand whether I am in a place to be around chemicals. Most of the time I chose not to...........

Well, the way I look at it peeps, sometimes 25 years can seem like 25 minutes when you are vulnerable. And, hell, a person who was a heroin addict I betcha after 25 years may have trouble if someone was going on a camping trip with them snorting/shooting up. Just because alcohol use is socially acceptable in society, does not, when it comes down to it, make it better than other addictive drugs. If in 25 years I turn down an invitation because booze is involved I will not feel bad or that I am being touchy.

Sheez peeps-also what comes to mind-2hearts is doing something right, 25 years is amazing! Go with your gut-steer clear I say.

I didn't mean to imply that she was doing something wrong. I tried to clarify that. It just amazes me that you still avoid alcohol after 25 years. Of course 25 years sober is awesome, and only you know how you got here and what works for you. As I said, more power to you!

Hiya 2Hearts,
I hear your hurt. You may not like my response....but....here gose, you put out for topic. Alcohol is legal, and is available just about anywhere. There is a certain level of comfort you derive from recovery, alcohol just is'nt that big of a deal. If someone wants to drink they drink. Hell I might not ever go to another Christmas function again if IT were that big a deal to me anymore. I agree whole heartley with you about the 3 mths, or 25 years, but at what point do WE (me or you) make peace with the exsistance of alcohol? The anwser is most diffently an "inside" job. I felt my problem with alcohol need not be visited upon my friends, so maybe until I had a full understanding of my situation, I did not necessarily hang with them too much. But hell, I'm over that! Alot...I mean alot of people drink, I do not limit my socialization to only non-drinker as I don't want to live that narrowed. I'm not temped, I can enjoy someone who drinks as much as the sober dude, but...I can not really hang too much with drunken behavior, now that I get nothing . Therefor I'm not around people who drink to excess, but to not be around people who drink simply because I don't , well that would make my life teeny-tiny. Just because I abused alcohol dos'nt give me pull to tell others to not enjoy themselves as they would with anyone else they are friends with. I'm not the alcohol police, but I certainly excuse myself from "drunk" behavior of others, I don't need that. Ease up on that friend, they are not alcoholic, you are. Best wishes Sug---sunny

Thank you all for your support.................

4AAsunnyday, I think you're right in saying that after a while a person should be able to be around alcohol without being affected by it. After all, recovery is more about what you've dealt with inside than it is about those external things. But hey, if 2Hearts wants to make such a request of a friend, it's not for me to judge how reasonable that request is. I mean I've had friends with all sorts of conditions, from anxiety disorders to OCD, and I don't like to question how reasonable their behavior is when I'm around them. I'm happy to do what they ask if it makes them more comfortable, because I respect their friendship enough to accomodate them (unless they're being assholes, in which case it's a different matter).

i too PREFER to not be around alcohol but it doesn't always work out that way. I am always vulnerable to the slip, this is am fully aware of. I am always fully aware of my triggers and the SMELL of alcohol is one of them - but on the other hand if i am to function in this world - my sobriety HAS TO BE UNDER MY CONTROL -

What I have learned about MYSELF - is PLANTING SEEDS in my brain is easy and foolish of me, meaning, if i say sure bring your six pack - i just ask that you to keep the open containers around me - BUT THEN MY BRAIN WILL START SEED PLANTING - it will say - uhm what if you smell it, what if you take a sip, what if, what if, what if - then I realize that I am SEED PLANTING, I am setting myself up for cravings and struggles - so I tell myself - aaah - what the hell you are stronger than that and yes i am.

I even have a boyfriend right now who drinks (he's not an alcholic and he's not a drunk - he just enjoys a beer now and then) and he has drank around me and it doesn't bother me not one bit, doesn't set off a trigger, nothing - that's when i realized how crucial seed planting in my brain was.

i hope you and your friend can find a middle ground with this issue -

Peace to you.

I think your girlfriend is right. sorry man, but as a fellow boozer I think you need to take responsibility for YOUR drinking. You shouldn't expect someone you care about to have to change their behavior because of your f***-ups and problems. Apologize to her and tell her you love her. Ask her to forgive you for your self-centeredness.

Could you not come to some compromise?

I assume you want honest thoughts but yes you do come across to me as somewhat controlling, I would never ask my friends to change their behavior and not drink in front of me because I have quit.