not bunce, bunch! sheesh can't even type anymore. ;)

Welcome Deb! I'm glad you're giving AA another shot. Some of us here do use AA - we certainly don't knock anyone who does. So other than the ridiculous stories, have you met some supportive people you can relate to there?

Lots of supportive, nonjudgmental people here. It's been a little slow lately. Feel free to browse through some old posts and comment if you want.

Hi Jan, I haven't been to enough repeat meetings to find anyone yet. I'm working on it. However, the last time I tried this (in the 90's) I eventually stopped going cuz I needed a drink after the meetings! :D Being here will probably help me more but it is somewhere to go if I should begin to make a stupid decision and go to my favorite package store across the street. (within walking distance no less)

Hello

Hope AA works for you and you find the support you are looking for.

As Jan says it is a little slow here at the moment so please post your experiences even the rude ones.

Keep posting.

Eileen

Welcome Deb

Hi Deb glad your here. I understand about meetings. I have quit going to open discussion meetings and now I only go to study meetings. Less drama and whining. Go to different meetings till you find one you like. Or if you would like to try online meetings recoveryrealm.com is good or londonppbbs.com If you still have a hard time holler at me I know some non AA site where you can do meetings online. Randy

Welcome Deb, we not only share your addiction, but are also terrible typists!
You are sure in the right place.

Heyyyyy, speak for yourself WQ!! I happen to be a damn fine typist, thank you very much! I oughta be!

Here's my rule of thumb... when you go to a meeting full of people who have the same problems, they tend to reinforce their dysfunctional behavior. But if you don't go to the meetings to find friends and rely more on those who have never had an addiction problem then maybe you can find more functional relationships. Meetings are for temorary support. True friends are for lifelong support. You don't have to confuse the two.

Thanks everyone! I have a women's meeting on Thurs night that isn't too bad. It will be on the beach starting next week which is nice. When I'm not drinking I am lighthearted and feel like I'm drowning at some of the meetings. The rules bother me too. No cross-talking, work the steps etc. My sis in law (chairman of thurs mtg) says I have to work on Step 4, moral inventory. I told her that's what got me into a suicidal state. All I do is take moral inventory! I want to move forward, they seem to want to dwell and dig into thier soles. Like I said at least it is someplace to go and the coins are helpful.

Are you familiar with Women For Sobriety (WFS)? They have 13 affirmations instead of 12 steps. My experience with AA is that it was primarily intended to be an ego deflation program, which is not what a person needs who is battling depression. It may be good for those who really are grandiose and need to be brought down a few notches though. WFS was started specifically for women who have self esteem issues.

I have problems with all the steps because I pick them apart. First off you have to admit you are powerless. I don't know about any of you but I think I am damn powerful if after 15 years of binge drinking then compulsive/impulsive alcoholism that I was able to walk away from it and search for a more meaqningful life full of all the things I've ever truly desired is damn powerFULL not powerless...I could go on but the 4th step should be called demoraliziation of our inner selves because I don't want to focus on my "character defects" since most ofd them are only present while I'm in active addiction...well if it works for you then it does, but I can say from numerous attempts that it does not work for me....12th step....spiritual awakening...I had this on my death bed that I created for myself...didn't need to inflate myself with slogans and sponsor BS to get there...I do believe in a HP and believe this is critical to all ppl recovering from any addiction which are numerous but all tale tell signs of underlying causes...I refuse to believe that I asm sick with as non-curable disease for the rest of my life!!!

The thing about powerlessness is confusing. I am challenged by the first drink, but I eventually become powerless over subsequent drinks because when I'm half in the bag I'm no longer working with a full deck. However, I always have the power to resist the urge to have that first drink. And those three cardinal character defects (selfishness, dishonesty & resentment) are present in everyone when they are actively drinking alcoholically. Whether or not they are a fundamental part of your character when not drinking all depends on your own personality. Resentments would be the only thing that trips me up when sober, but I am far from being selfish or dishonest when I'm sober. Oh, and the closest I came to having a disease associated with my drinking was when I had the DTs which is not a chronic or progressive disease.