Alcohol Recovery Without 12 Steps Community Group

This group was created to explore various recovery paths for Alcoholism. We generally chose to explore paths outside of the AA model, or ones which incorporate, but are not limited to AA. Anyone wanting to learn and explore how to become free from alcohol addiction are welcome. Our main goal is to support each other with compassion and decency, while remaining open minded...

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sumitlal 12/19/2009

I gave 18 months of sobriety before getting into a physical relationship with a girl. Till now its just been a one off sexual encounter with her. Now the usual mind games have started , not answering my calls, disconnecting my calls and the works... Its causing me a lot of anxiety since I am already into a relationship with a woman 17yrs elder to me and I have not told her about this.
Although there is no craving for alcohol I am using low dose Valium ( 2- 4mg per day) to get over this anxiety. I cannot focus on my work. I am 33 yrs old and behaving like a teenager!!
I wonder whether I should have waited full 2yrs of sobriety before getting into this...
Whats your take on this?

onetoomany 12/19/2009

Hi Sumitial~

Okay, I am a bit confused here. You have a girlfriend that is 17 years older than you and you now have a girl on the side that you are having sex with?
Am I reading this right?

If this new girl is causing you anxiety probably the best thing to do is to let her go, remove the thing that is causing the anxiety.

Also, I am in no position to judge you, but it sounds like you need to talk to and straighten things out with the woman that is 17 years older than you.

Maybe my advice is way off the mark, perhaps I am misreading this post.
If so I apologize.

deleted_user 12/19/2009

At the risk of sounding sexist get rid of her straight away. Luckily she has shown her true colours instantly. My last girl was the same, looking back she wanted to play games straight away and she was very good and quite accomplished too which I found at a great cost.. I'm sure if you are prepared to wait you will find somebody else. I'm happy on my own so I stay on my own. But if the games have started already it certainly isn't going to improve, is it? I would take a bit of time out to try and find myself and possibly a decent partner too. Good luck and take care.

deleted_user 12/19/2009

Sumi- I do not know you one on one-so I am going to just throw this out there: Do you think you may have to deal with some issues surrounding sexual stuff too? Perhaps issues surrounding an unhealthy focus on sexual issues that your alcoholism were masking? Again, I do not pretend to know what is going on with you, but I get a gut feeling you may have to examine this area on it's own further.

Rick8 12/19/2009

Here it comes Sumi- Not to bruise your ego, but ever consider if the woman #2 is not taking your calls she doesn't want to continue the relationship? Just a thought, but when that ever happened to me I could take the hint. You're right, you are acting like a teenager. Besides you're screwing around on your current GF! Not exactly demonstrating a high moral character there. You better have a sit down with yourself and figure out where your head is at. Goof luck my friend.

sumitlal 12/19/2009

Thanks to you all! I think I will wait and watch. She came on to me so fast that I did not realize what hit me. Just not used to having cold sex for the sake of physical needs. She had just broken off with her BF 3 months back, Guess she was just horny and I was a convenient guy since I am the only guy in the Power Yoga class with 25 women.
Rick8 u are right - the guilt of cheating on my current GF who has been with me thick and thin right thru my alcoholic days is killing me, I think the best strategy would be to let thing take their own course and not try to force any issues.

deleted_user 12/19/2009

I wouldn't be involved with 2 women at once, no matter the ages unless both know about it. Also, the second one doesn't sound like she's still interested - so maybe it's time to not worry about that one any longer.

deleted_user 12/19/2009

I think you should heed KKs advice.

deleted_user 12/19/2009

I drank to because I thought it helped me handle life. I am sober and able to handle life now. I heard a guy say " I don't have a problem with alcohol since I started taking demarol" We are creators of our own problems. KK is probably right, did you trade one feel good thing for another??? Are you topping it off with valium???

JanMichelle2002 12/20/2009

I think I'm unclear on who it is that's playing the mind games. Sure sounds like lots of them going on.

deleted_user 12/20/2009

I believe that you are feeling guilt and that it why the anxiety has hit you. Valium is not the answer. I remember you saying to get off my medication, but valium is addictive and my medication is not.

The reality is that maybe the girl just used you for sex, but I believe maybe there are some underlying issues for the both of you. Maybe she found out about your g/f. Maybe you just seem like too much for her to handle emotionallly.

Either way, you have to get rid of her because it is the dignified thing to do.

sumitlal 12/20/2009

yeah maybe she used me fir sex. but no problem I also had fun. (Being positive)
LorrenaB- I have done my research on benzodiazepines - Valium is the among the safest drugs to manage anxiety and anyways I use a very low dose ( 2- 4 mg per day) which also I will stop soon. Thanks!

deleted_user 12/21/2009

benzos are highly addictive at 4 mg a day and for a person with alcohol dependence it is not a good idea. I know from experience and from my psychiatrist and family doctor, the DSM-VI, The Prescription Manual, and experience. You have to ween yourself off of them and you do experience withdraw symptoms that are similar to alcohol. People have seizures when withdrawing. Did you tell the doctor who prescribed them about your recovery?

deleted_user 12/21/2009

P.S. the saftest anti-anxiety medication is vistral

sumitlal 12/21/2009

LorrenaB- 2mg Valium is equivalent to half of .25 mg xanax (which is highly addictive and very fast acting). I don't consult any doc cuz here in India we can get them without prescription. 2-4mg valium like a drop in the ocean. Vistral is used mostly for allergies ans also has a sedating effect. Diazepam (Valium) is the oldest and safest benzo along with librium. You get withdrawal symptoms when withdrawing from something like
40 -100mg valium per day...
Anyways thanks for your input.

deleted_user 12/22/2009

1 to 2 women like a drop in the ocean, no prescription needed. Self diagnosing Doctor Knowital????

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