My problem seems to be not that I lack the things that give meaning, but that I tend to focus not on these blessings, but will instead obsess about the things that I cannot change. The things that are trivial or unfair. I tend to spend a lot of time being pissed off or overwhelmed. With sobriety I am forced to accept the feelings of resentfulness, anger, and sadness. I am learning to change my thoughts (it's not at all easy) to focus on the blessings that I have. I enumerate them from the smallest, (my big comfy bed and the flowers on my rose bush) to the very big ones, (friends and family who care and a healthy body). It is imperative to my sobriety that I not slip into "the fuck it's". My life has meaning when I live it. When I spend good time with my people (listening), work on my projects, feel accomplishment, and live in the moment. None of these things can be done when I'm drunk.

Howto, I read Frankl...wow, an amazing man.

It's tempting to simply say life has meaning because you choose to live- to survive even when things get extremely bad.

For me it's a fun mental exercise to think about existentialism. But in "real life" I find it more satisfying to flex my will where ever I can. (Perhaps meaning for me is the power of my will?)

When it comes to sobriety that means me not drinking but even more importantly, my paying attention to the rest- my relationships, my work, my beliefs and so on. (Meaning requires attention to activate it?)

I think my life never truley lacked meaning, even when I was drinking. It was more a matter of my not bothering to fully live that meaning.

I can relate with you HT but I will have to think about this some more to be able to get it into words. With my seperation and impending divorce the meaning of my life has changed quit a bit and I've been thinking alot about this myself.

I'd like to add that I too, totally imagined my life way different than it turned out. This acceptance is what some call "living life on life's terms".....Still pisses me off. lol!

I know you all were horribly disappointed in trying my link only to find it not work :-p ...Try this one. Really interesting stuff.

http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/frankl.html

And here is an article logotherapy and alcoholism...

http://www.viktorfranklinstitute.org/v3n1/v3n1a6.pdf

Makes a lot of sense to me.

Mmmm... Annoying. Why will my links not work?

sorry guys. I will leave the searching up to you. :(

I sometimes find that my search for meaning in my life doesn't have to be so deep and serious....I can say that what gets me threw the day sometimes is to have a yummy dinner, or just looking forward to reading a book. The bigger stuff-making a mark in life, having a legacy, bringing peace and joy to the world :)......, I have found are not really the things that make the biggest impact. Truly, it is small stuff each day that I strive for, without thinking too much of the end result. Just trying to do right and being grateful for my life.

www.viktorfranklinstitute.org/about-the-institute.html

www.viktorfranklinstitute.org

There are so many things to give meaning to someones life. It varies with each individual. You have to figure out what is meaningful and if it isn't satisfactory at this point then work towards making it so. That is what makes us hopeful. I also think we think too much about this. Just live your life to the best of your ability and focus on what's important to you and live life. Pretty simple really. It shouldn't hinder your sobriety. That would be called an excuse. That would be referred to as hiding from life (which I did). When sober we can search for happiness. Possibilities are endless, always changing but always there, if we have the presence of mind to be ready for them when they happen.

Rick - As yet I cannot accept my life as it is. I want to. I am trying to. It is difficult. When something so important to you that you can't imagine life without is taken away, simplicity is busted by emotional turmoil. I dont have a sob story but it is very personal for me. I originally started trying to get sober so that I could have children. I am told now my body is broken and there is a slim chance I will ever conceive. Admittedly, my trying to get sober uncovered my alcoholism and now there are many reasons for me to stay sober. Right now, I struggle every day to find acceptance all the while watching my friends grow their own families. We all have our own burden to carry. This is one of mine. Maybe it's just a female maternal thing, but it is a tragic reality for me that I may never be a mom. I won't go into detail but adoption is out of the question. Being emotionally broken by circumstances is not an excuse to drink, but there are days I am in such despair over it all that I want to give up on living altogether. Maybe that makes me weak. I will overcome this feeling by creating meaningfulness in my life despite the loss of my dream. I thought the whole point of it all, marriage etc, was to bear children and raise a family. Now what? I have to come up with a new game plan. I am finding it very difficult. Stack some marital issues on top and I am pretty shaky emotionally. It isn't all easy to bear for me. I am doing my best.

Sorry if tmi. I hope anyone reading will be sensitive. It's a bit of an open wound for me at the moment.

Thank you for everyone's feedback. I'd still like to hear yours Mando. I can appreciate the comments about finding meaning in small things as well as everything that we do have to be grateful. I think I should have emphasized "meaning" as it relates to purpose and process of self fulfillment. I think it is different than being happy with what we have. Maybe I am wrong. I feel an emptiness without a sense of greater purpose beyond today and the things that I have.

Olive...How we define ourselves gives meaning to our life. You are absolutely right that in a way you have set yourself up for that sense of hopelessness coming from not being able to have children. Society as well as YOU have said life has no meaning without children. I have recently experienced a very similar pain. I went to bed again tonight with tears because I miss my little granddaughters who have moved so far away. In the last 6 years I defined myself and my self-worth in terms of being the worlds best Nana....now I have to redefine myself. Same with children, we must give children the skills to grow up and become independent and once they do our role's must change, so even if you had children you would one day face what you are facing today. In our culture older people are considered irrelevant and once you are retired or no longer have that "power" job then you have another crisis of confidence. This is why suicide is prevalent in seniors. They are made fun of, put in homes, ignored .... basically society in general has little use for them.

What you are doing right now is re-defining who you are and internalizing your worth. It is perhaps the most important exercise you will do in your life. You will do it again in your 50's and 70's...sometimes each decade we have to redefine our existence and what makes it all worthwhile. You are kind, giving, thoughtful. You are intelligent and seek knowledge. You will never "have" or find all the answers but the journey will enhance your growth as a human and increase your value and worth to everyone, your friends, family, co-workers and even strangers but above all to YOU.

For me, I am once again re-defining myself...my brief period of being worlds best Nana is gone, but I can still be a friend to my friends, wife to my husband, daughter, sister, worlds best niece, ears and heart for my kids. I am able to enjoy the beauty in the hikes I do, the fun in hitting the tennis ball, enjoy books, garden and other activities that give me peace and pleasure.

Wow. Well said, Poo. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Thank you. Xo

Not trying to belittle your thinking Howto. I have been where you are. Exact same issues (no kids then, marital issues). NEVER imagined I would be where I am today (some good, some bad) but just had to reinvent myself as poo said. That is where the hope came in. I hoped I could reinvent my priorities and I think more importantly (like getting sober) believed I could reinvent them. Like you i am a work in progress. I can live with that.

howto, you referenced Logotherepy.

How are you integrating that in your current difficulties?

It is time to find passion in your life.
What is most important to you? write those things down. then decide how you are going to go after them.
You can't write them down and do nothing.
You have to work every day at those things.
It could be real simple stuff like learning to play an instrument, yoga, volunteering your time.
But it must be something YOU find rewarding.

I am very sorry to hear about your difficulties.