Hi bel. I understand where you're coming from. I have the same awkwardness around touch, a lot of alone time and the same yearnings.

I think of it like I have normal social needs but I have a handicap that prevents me from having it.

I completely understand! I feel the same way and I'm sure a lot of us who suffer from isolating illnesses do. Sometimes I just sit and think about the "old days" when I actually had friends and relationships. It makes me sad and crave human attention, but, at the same time, it scares me to think about actually doing it. Don't worry, you aren't totally abnormal.
Jeff^~

this is something that you can overcome with some therapy, there are always reasons for these sort of things

i am the opposite, i feel lost and unlvoed if i dont get physical hugs

go to a website called www.emofree.com and you will get information on a therapy called eft - if you are prepared to put the time in (which wont be much) you can teach yourself for free this therapy which can help overcome all negative emotions and phobias - i have found it very useful
hope this helps

i've heard it's unhealthy NOT to have close contact with something (humans or maybe animals count..and maybe even pillows or blankets).

look up "Five languages of love"

people express love and caring in 5 different ways (according to the book). touch is one of them.

I think there's something to what you say Number. Since my anxiety has reached the severity it's at right now (it's been several years) I've been more isolated and I sometimes wonder how much the lack of regular human contact is affecting me.

I feel the same! My family was never very touchy! There are times when I need human touch and other days I don't even want to be looked at.
I have to say my children are my exceptions though. I always hug them and tell them I love them were others I can not.
Its a mystery

i have reflected and yearned for the way things used to be... i used to be social... i could go and get a massage... go to the store... all of that normal stuff...

i love hugzzz, but i am always worried if they have something on them... i have a hang up about catching stuff too... ughhh!!!

Hard is putting it mildly sometimes! It's such a struggle since there are times when I can handle it,and other times when I don't want to be within 100 Feet of anyone! It can definitely make even trying to go out into a the world an extremely uncomfortable event! I've gotten better over the years,but I have my Good Days and Bad! Just wanted to make sure let you know you're not Alone!

Thank you everyone - it really helps to know that I'm not the only one. That somebody "gets it". I'm going to a new therapist tomorrow, and hopefully he'll be good.

I make it a point to hug my grandaughter (who lives with me - I adopted her) regularily, and she has some issues and sometimes doesn't want to be touched, either. Well, coming from my family I'm not surprised - my daughter (her mother) is quite the same - doesn't express affection well. So, I hug her until she hugs back (laughing), and am getting her more used to it.

I actually went out today - to church, then to a after church party. Yes, somebody did actually hug me, and it felt good (a bit uncomfortable, though), and I shook hands with alot of people. It wasn't easy, but I did it and I'm glad I did.

Its ironic isnt it ? how we can crave the very thing we fear and vice versa.Its also makes no sense ,hard to understand. Im very similar,the contact,the craving,the isolation.But like anything else the first steps are the hardest but like riding a bike or anything else it DOES get easier with practice.Its about taking small risksA slight touch on someones arm,thinking about them and not your own thoughts,feelings, concerns.touch is healing,it has power.you have a perfect someone youve been practicing on,your g-daughter.you know how to show it, all u need to do is trust,trust in that your touch will 99 times out of 100 be accepted.Im talking about 'fear of rejection; even the most cold person will respond in a accepting way so i sugfgest you stop thinking about it and just practice.

I can relate to so much of this. I used to love to go get massages or pedicures and my favorite part of getting haircuts was having someone wash my hair. Now I don't even leave my house except to go to the doc or if there is something totally necessary and then I'm pumped full of Xanax. I can't stand people touching me but at the same time I miss it so much. I don't want a boyfriend because I don't want sex. I just wish I just feel disconnected from everything and everyone. I keep hand sanitizer w/me all the time when I do go where I have to go just in case. I don't hug cause I don't want whatever they might have on them on me, including perfume. I don't want to smell like someone else. I could go on and on but I have a feeling you all can relate. It would just feel so good to be hugged and touched and not be disgusted and cringe at the thought.