This is the first time I am really doing this. I have never visited a psychiatrist and this is a self-diagnosis. But come on how hard is it to realise that you have social phobia. I initially considered myself just an introverted person who takes time to open up to people. No big deal. But a month back when I moved to a new country I realised my problem is much much more complex. I don't talk to the people at work unless they talk to me first and constantly worry that they must hate me and think I am arrogant. They have reasons to. They are really nice people but I never initiate conversations unless strictly work-related. That too takes a tremedous amount of effort and about an hour of mental prep. Whenever I do manage to talk, I end up talking too fast and fear that I have made a fool of myself. I am always thinking that they are probably talking about me behing my back. The worst part is that I know these fears are baseless but cannot help it.
Aside from work too, I am terrified of entering new stores or trying out new things although I really want to. I am worried that i will embarass myself.
It really interferes with my daily life. Example yesterday I wanted to leave the office early because I did not have work but I couldn't muster the courage as 4 colleagues were talking right outside the office. In the end, I couldn't and left only when all of them had gone back.
The worst part is that I am not a person who is happy to be alone. I love talking to friends, going out and partying. But how can I when making friends is such an impossible feat?
Anyone just anyone who can relate?
For those of you that reached out to me today I want to say thank you. Your encouragement calmed my heart. I took a nap and I'm feeling a little bit better. I'm still struggling, but being able to let it out here is so comforting that someone is actually listening and cares! Thanks again!!
I'm so depressed right now. I have a lump in my throat and feel like crying, but it's stuck in my thoat. I do not want to go into all the details that I'm struggling with, but I just need to know that someone understands me.