Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety Support Group
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
Ever since I had my bad breakdown last summer, I've been working on getting better again.
It's now close to a year and I'm still not ok. Our finances are worse than ever, I'm not sure how we're ever going to salvage those and stay afloat, I find day to day life hard and have a hard time not being depressed and have a hard time not to cry.
I've tried to find jobs that I can handle but they are proving to be too stressful or too hard for too little money. The kennel job that I thought was going to be a job I'd love, I do like but it's knocking me on my behind because it's very hard physical work and the pay is 20 bucks a day for a few hours each day. I had figured I could find another paying job for the remainder of each day but I am so tired that I panic easier than ever and I can't, honestly can't move a muscle after the kennel job.
I feel like no matter what I try, it's not working and I am honestly ready to throw in the towel. My dreams are too far out of reach, everyone keeps telling me to keep dreaming but what's the use when it's not attainable anyway?
I am tired of therapy, tired of medications, tired of trying each day and tired of not getting anywhere.
So where to from here? sorry for the pity party but I honestly am crying 'uncle' here. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's now close to a year and I'm still not ok. Our finances are worse than ever, I'm not sure how we're ever going to salvage those and stay afloat, I find day to day life hard and have a hard time not being depressed and have a hard time not to cry.
I've tried to find jobs that I can handle but they are proving to be too stressful or too hard for too little money. The kennel job that I thought was going to be a job I'd love, I do like but it's knocking me on my behind because it's very hard physical work and the pay is 20 bucks a day for a few hours each day. I had figured I could find another paying job for the remainder of each day but I am so tired that I panic easier than ever and I can't, honestly can't move a muscle after the kennel job.
I feel like no matter what I try, it's not working and I am honestly ready to throw in the towel. My dreams are too far out of reach, everyone keeps telling me to keep dreaming but what's the use when it's not attainable anyway?
I am tired of therapy, tired of medications, tired of trying each day and tired of not getting anywhere.
So where to from here? sorry for the pity party but I honestly am crying 'uncle' here. I don't want to do this anymore.
Stay in therapy too. Talk to your therapist about how you feel and keep moving forward.
You are NOT going to find an easy road out of this. Lucky for you, you are already over that first, big hump of starting on your journey to health and happiness. :-)
Tell us one good thing about the kennel. Is there a cute puppy you've taken a liking to? Make any friends? Short commute? There has to be something good.
the kennel job is something I want to do, and will keep doing. After having tried so many jobs and failing each time, this is one that is a perfect match.
what I said was that it doesn't pay enough though compared to other jobs. And that's the kicker. After doing something I really enjoy and can stick with (finally), I simply am spent physically so getting a second job is not do-able.
that is what I was saying.
Has anyone ever found an easy road out of agoraphobia? don't think so. are there times that I'm just sick and tired of fighting and working on myself and trying? Yep, this is one of those times. I'm tired of everything being so difficult all the time. I'm also tired of clawing to stay afloat and not getting anywhere. And then having to stay positive. Right now I'm saying that I am tired of the whole thing and am ready to say "uncle".
Do I expect a magical yellow brick road to appear before me, lol. Of course not. But you know what, some days it would be nice if I was well enough to do it all so that we would not have a hard slog all the time. There are enough times that i feel if only I could be normal we would have a much easier life.
I don't want to leave the kennel and am not going to. I like it there. What I would like is for things to get a little easier so I can actually enjoy working there and not feel like i should be at one of the jobs I panic at so that I bring in more money instead of what I bring home now being spent at the end of each day.
Sound enticing?
I think we all have times in our lives where it feels like it's overwhelming and we can't do it alone, yet there may not be people who can really help us that much.
It can be really draining to try to stay positive in the face of huge challenges. Just try to stay functional. Take each thing in tiny little steps one moment or minute at a time. I know for me, little things like getting out of bed can be an accomplishment.
Give yourself credit for the tremendous things you ARE doing and have done. Just the fact that you are doing these jobs is great. And the animals must be incredibly grateful and you are really helping them and making a huge difference in many lives.
Well, just wanted to send some encouragement. Go easy on yourself.
Hugs.
Ella