This morning, I woke up at 3:30 in the morning seized with a horrible panic attack. It did not let up until about 7 a.m. I was writing yesterday that I was about 70% relapsed to my dark days of agoraphobia and debilitating panic attacks daily, this morning I was 100% back to where I once was-after an almost 10 year 90% recovery of being anxiety free. I was trembling, shaking, crying hysterically, and pacing my apartment. I thought about calling out but I truly couldn't, I work in surgery today and the other girl that could do it was off, I knew we were already short staffed, and on top of it my schedule was packed with surgeries and appointments. I struggled back and forth with knowing I couldn't do it but knowing I had no choice which made things even WORSE!
Not to mention-I have lives in my hands (I'm a veterinary technician)-how would I function if I was having a panic attack?!
It was a morning of 1st's in over 10 years:
1. I could've drive to work-I had to get a coworker to pick me up and drive me home. Also broke down as soon as I got in her car and she probably thinks I'm freaking CRAZY
2. Took my 1st xanax in over 11 years, it had been so long I was scared to take it bc I wasn't sure how it would affect me and I knew I had to be on top of my stuff in surgery and couldn't be drowsy or too tired. Only ended up taking 1/4 of a 0.5mg but it did help me a LOT
3. Just the fact that I had a full blown panic attack was the first in years, on top of that it lasted almost 4 hours!
Somehow once I got to work and started setting up for surgery and admitting my patients and got busy, my mind was occupied and I felt a lot better. I'm so good at what I do, and I LOVE what I do that I was feeling better, but then how does it make sense that I'm panicked I wont be able to do what I'm great at and have anxiety and panic attacks worrying about my day and that I wont be able to make it through?-I guess that's just the irrational though process of having an anxiety disorder
I made it through my 12 hour shift, no break, no lunch with flying colors. Now that I'm home and can relax-I'm anxious again, why?! It doesn't make sense.
I'm praying I can drive to work tomorrow. The fact of being a burden on someone and making them drive me is enough to send me into a panic as well....
I feel so weak and helpless, panic attacks are SO debilitating. They are literally the only thing I cannot handle in life...
I just needed to get some support for the community. I have to go on a business trip in March and i havent been on a plane since i was in 7th grade and i was horribly panicked the entire time. I am freaking out. I do not fly and i worry i am going to have a full blown attack and try to get off teh plane. I do have benzos and such to take i just feel like when i am in that high of a state...
So I have been experiencing anxiety/panic attack disorder for 2 months now. It has been a struggle every day. The attacks have gotten better with the meds I’m on. But it’s still hard,just think of not having control of your body. Getting dizzy and feet and arm fill like pins and needles,eyes get dilated,taste of metal in your mouth,heart rate climbs,and all you can think about is your dyeing...