This morning, I woke up at 3:30 in the morning seized with a horrible panic attack. It did not let up until about 7 a.m. I was writing yesterday that I was about 70% relapsed to my dark days of agoraphobia and debilitating panic attacks daily, this morning I was 100% back to where I once was-after an almost 10 year 90% recovery of being anxiety free. I was trembling, shaking, crying hysterically, and pacing my apartment. I thought about calling out but I truly couldn't, I work in surgery today and the other girl that could do it was off, I knew we were already short staffed, and on top of it my schedule was packed with surgeries and appointments. I struggled back and forth with knowing I couldn't do it but knowing I had no choice which made things even WORSE!
Not to mention-I have lives in my hands (I'm a veterinary technician)-how would I function if I was having a panic attack?!
It was a morning of 1st's in over 10 years:
1. I could've drive to work-I had to get a coworker to pick me up and drive me home. Also broke down as soon as I got in her car and she probably thinks I'm freaking CRAZY
2. Took my 1st xanax in over 11 years, it had been so long I was scared to take it bc I wasn't sure how it would affect me and I knew I had to be on top of my stuff in surgery and couldn't be drowsy or too tired. Only ended up taking 1/4 of a 0.5mg but it did help me a LOT
3. Just the fact that I had a full blown panic attack was the first in years, on top of that it lasted almost 4 hours!
Somehow once I got to work and started setting up for surgery and admitting my patients and got busy, my mind was occupied and I felt a lot better. I'm so good at what I do, and I LOVE what I do that I was feeling better, but then how does it make sense that I'm panicked I wont be able to do what I'm great at and have anxiety and panic attacks worrying about my day and that I wont be able to make it through?-I guess that's just the irrational though process of having an anxiety disorder
I made it through my 12 hour shift, no break, no lunch with flying colors. Now that I'm home and can relax-I'm anxious again, why?! It doesn't make sense.
I'm praying I can drive to work tomorrow. The fact of being a burden on someone and making them drive me is enough to send me into a panic as well....
I feel so weak and helpless, panic attacks are SO debilitating. They are literally the only thing I cannot handle in life...
Just felt like sharing some good news with everyone. So after a couple of very trying months and changing medications I have now finally gotten to a good point where i feel great. I changed doctors and received the DNA test. Found out I had some mutations. I am weaning off Welbutrin which seemed to have no effect on me since July when I got sick again. I started 20mg of prozac and it...
Most of us are here because we are flawed. We may be having an anxiety attack, freaking out over something others would not, we may be spiraling down into the darkness for reasons that we don't understand. Almost everyone I've been in contact with here has been kind, nurturing and helpful. Then there's that 1 or 2 who seem to be here to put others down. I say to those people, you really...