Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety Support Group
Agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, often precipitated by the fear of having a panic attack in a setting from which there is no easy means of escape. As a result, sufferers of agoraphobia may avoid public and/or unfamiliar places. In severe cases, the sufferer may become confined to their home, experiencing difficulty traveling from this "safe place."
I really need advice about how to tell my friend that most of her stuff just needs to be thrown away... The situation around this is that my friend is 78 years old, too large to be able to move around her house, and has been chair bound for almost 5 years. She just found out that she was approved to be moving into an assisted living facility (which is great because she might actually get better.) But her house is a disaster. Her boyfriend of about 5 years now, was doing some of the things to help clean the house, but has stopped in the past about 3 years.
The move is great for her and us...She wants to let us move in and we want to once it is clean enough for us to do so...but, currently we don't really like taking our children in the house due to how bad everything is. The air is disgusting, the walls all need to be scrubbed down, the cobwebs are thick and almost black from how long they have been there, not even to mention how bad the floors are...So all of her dishes were just left dirty, and are now at a point where it would be better just to throw them all away. Her basement is packed with boxes of stuff that for the most part no one is going to want... But she has this idea that she needs to go through everything... part of the idea is in order to pack...but from the experience that I have with her; I lived with her 7 years ago, and tried to clean out part of the basement so my (now almost 13 year old) son could have a room, every time she opened a box to go through it and get rid of stuff, she couldn't get rid of anything... And 7 years ago is when she started to stop going anywhere else in the house...So most of the stuff that is down stairs has 7 years of dust and cobwebs, and at least one flood, and cats not having a clean place to go...
So the reason I need advice is that I don't know how to tell her that the majority of her stuff that she wants to go through and move up north with her is just garbage that she would be better off just getting rid of. I don't really want to be the one to tell her.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
one of my unofficial community services is "throwaway nazi." i've helped with moving and/or cleanup for both individuals and non-profit groups. whether for business or pleasure, pack rats have a defense for every worthless scrap in their hoard piles. it is far easier to ask for forgiveness than permission in the thinning out of those trash stashes. i haven't often been busted for throwing something away without asking. at the end of the day, not even they know what all is in those piles.
over the many times i have helped with this unpleasant task, if i just get the ball rolling without undue commentary --sometimes i wear a mask for the job-- the pack rats, themselves, generally experience a light bulb moment and see the nature of their precious things for themselves. after that, THEY often become the throwaway nazi and i have to watch that don't throw out pets, babies or cabinets with the bathwater. oh, for the love of balance. . .
If you are short on time, you could tell her you are going to put her stuff in a storage facility or in a car garage.... tell a little white lie... and I guarantee she won't miss most of it.
Maybe first put together a couple of boxes of her things that look important, that she will take with her to her new place. I am fairly certain she will forget about her other things, once she is in her new place. Because she will be busy in the new place and have less room there.
Check out the YouTube videos. Good luck.
We have to be somewhat even-handed, you're moving into her home for free as I understand it. So the idea of saying, we're throwing everything else that needs to go, reasonable in an estate or other move, may not be practical here.
Certainly, you need to be able to clean. So you can emphasize that. And it sounds like a real good cleaning is needed. Storage can be expensive, but perhaps you can locate someplace that can store a number of things, so you're not throwing everything away, just moving it.
We finally have her move in date...Beginning of January.
We still are not sure what to do about everything. My husband and I don't really want to go in while she is still in the house even to pack up stuff. She keeps trying to tell me she is pitching things... but without actually going through the garbage I am unsure if she actually is... I keep hoping she is actually working on the one room that she is usually in... but my husband who does more in the house with them says she is not actually getting anywhere in the room. And I just don't want to go over after work to work on anything.
And now on top of everything else, my husband decides to talk about our finances, and whether we can even afford to move. And, of course, all of this is happening right now with holidays coming up in just a few weeks, and a birthday for the (soon to be) 6-year-old.