I decided it is back to being with God. In the past when i was in God's home I was victimised with unbiblical teachings and lived out my Christianity often with shame and fear I also lived it out with much anxiety and nervousness as with the rest of my life. Learning that the anxiety and nervousness were often attributed to concequences of childhood sexual abuse also helped me feel better as I knew what I was dealing with and was able to chop down the intensity of my anxiety very significantly. I was a real mess way back than. I forgave the abuser and other abusers years back who abused me emotionally and verbally because they saw my victimisation of that sexual abuse as really funny. But I needed to forgive them and did so. Always a marvelous feeling Problem with Church today in part is that it is not like the early church in Acts. Those assemblies were not granted the autonomy to do as they ought as is the case today. The Apostles wasted little time of letting their presence known if elders and/or pastors acted up. But no Apostles today. An elder has taken me under his wing because I know just how easy it is for the devil to get a hold of me and mess me up through Church attendance. After all: Why would he be at such a place of worship? He is there because he wouldn't be there, so easy pickings since the christians are not on their guard. I speak here from personal experience. But the Non Christian mindset here is horrendously brutal and cruel. in general principal, even if not all NonChristian subscribe to such a mindset.. God's mindset is much more peaceful, something I,d not believe in the past. But in resumé I'm going back to Christianity to save myself from the fate of the nonChristians who are intentionally so utterly cruel. I'm feeling much more relaxed and in a type of honeymoon phase. But what will happen after the honeymoon?