Adult survivors of child abuse Community Group
A group to help support and heal adult survivors of child abuse. Limited to those who want to change the cycle...not perpetuate it.
Iâm feeling a bit challenged here⦠Iâve recently joined DS because I have recalled memories of incest. It is a very painful realization, but I have been dealing with the effects of it all my life. My dad was my abuser, and though I repressed what he did to me, Iâve had some memories of the things he did to my mother who after 20 years of marriage to him suffered from schizophrenia and eventually left her four children. She has lived a very sad life and is still running⦠I was a broken child abandoned by my mom and left with my abuser, sexually abused by other men, rejected by my peers due to my emotional problems, prone to self-destructive behaviors⦠My dad was such a good con-artist, he actually had me blaming my mom for the these events and taught me to second guess myself and question my sanity when I had feelings related to the abuse he inflicted. He raised me and he deceived me greatly; at 31, I am finally realizing what a monster he was. How disappointing for a child who badly needed the love of a decent parent.
Point? Iâve been through hell; maybe not to the extent that some survivors have, but I have a pretty good idea of what it is like.
So I come here because I realize I have emotional issues, I have intimacy issues, Iâm experiencing PTSD⦠I can no longer deny; I need help. BTW I never sought therapy because I watched how drugs and electro-shock therapy took away my momâs will to fight and of course I was always compared to my mom, so of course Iâm crazy tooâ¦
Anyway, about 11 years ago I met a wonderful man who showed me unconditional love like Iâd never experienced; heâs a Christian and because my dadâs family consisted of some TWISTED Catholics, I was very resistant to becoming a believer (plus all the abuse Iâd lived through didnât help). Itâs a long story, but Iâve since experienced things that have given me faith and that faith is my strength and helps me through my issues more than anything else.
Iâll perhaps start sharing my stories, but first, I want to hear from other survivors who are believers and I donât just mean those who call God Christ; Iâm open to any and all forms of faith. As a survivor, how do you respond to the following quote?
âthey spout nonsense about an imaginary man who looks out for them. don't know where they think he is while children are being tortured, but they can rationalize anything. anything. so there's no arguing with themâ
I pick this quote, because as a tortured child, surely you and I have both felt this way ourselves, but without having first hand experienced the healing power of the Holy Spirit, I just donât know how to show someone else, yet I know it can make all the difference. I read these stores, how other people feel and I shake my head and think, âwhere would I be without you Lord.â
So, I feel compelled to respond. I have suffered so much, and everyone who knows me can witness to the fact that I didnât believe⦠yet I do. I do and that is perhaps the greatest testament that can be offered; when survivors like us crawl out of the pit and say, I still believe in the power of love, I still have hope...
Please share your stories, tell me why/how a survivor can possibly be a believer.
Point? Iâve been through hell; maybe not to the extent that some survivors have, but I have a pretty good idea of what it is like.
So I come here because I realize I have emotional issues, I have intimacy issues, Iâm experiencing PTSD⦠I can no longer deny; I need help. BTW I never sought therapy because I watched how drugs and electro-shock therapy took away my momâs will to fight and of course I was always compared to my mom, so of course Iâm crazy tooâ¦
Anyway, about 11 years ago I met a wonderful man who showed me unconditional love like Iâd never experienced; heâs a Christian and because my dadâs family consisted of some TWISTED Catholics, I was very resistant to becoming a believer (plus all the abuse Iâd lived through didnât help). Itâs a long story, but Iâve since experienced things that have given me faith and that faith is my strength and helps me through my issues more than anything else.
Iâll perhaps start sharing my stories, but first, I want to hear from other survivors who are believers and I donât just mean those who call God Christ; Iâm open to any and all forms of faith. As a survivor, how do you respond to the following quote?
âthey spout nonsense about an imaginary man who looks out for them. don't know where they think he is while children are being tortured, but they can rationalize anything. anything. so there's no arguing with themâ
I pick this quote, because as a tortured child, surely you and I have both felt this way ourselves, but without having first hand experienced the healing power of the Holy Spirit, I just donât know how to show someone else, yet I know it can make all the difference. I read these stores, how other people feel and I shake my head and think, âwhere would I be without you Lord.â
So, I feel compelled to respond. I have suffered so much, and everyone who knows me can witness to the fact that I didnât believe⦠yet I do. I do and that is perhaps the greatest testament that can be offered; when survivors like us crawl out of the pit and say, I still believe in the power of love, I still have hope...
Please share your stories, tell me why/how a survivor can possibly be a believer.
I believe that this life is part of our progression. We are meant to gain experience here...to truly be tested on whether we are good or evil....to learn how to be like the Lord. We are commanded to be perfect even as He is perfect.
Think about a kid learning to walk. As an adult you can't do it for him. The kid has to learn by trial and error. The kid has to fall. The kid has to sometimes get horribly hurt during the learning process. If the adult steps in and always holds the child up or carries him...he'll never walk on his own. Now, think of spiritually becoming Christlike as learning to walk..... There are some things that the Lord can't stop or it takes away future growth and development. We can't see what He does. Our moaning and complaining that He allows what He allows is like a three year old criticizing his parent for not allowing him to play in the streets. We don't have the experience and perspective that the Lord does. If we understand that He really loves us...that He's there to guide us through this life...that EVERYTHING we experience...good and bad...is ultimately to bring us to a knowledge of who He is...and helps us learn to be like Him....we can get through anything.
I learned in support groups to speak for myself with I statements so...........
I suppose in some way I do believe in (trust) the Lord but I've also learned to trust myself and use the various tools and beliefs I've adopted over the years since beginning recovery about 20 yrs ago.
I can't say if there is a Lord out there who helps us or ignores us but I can say there is something inside of me that has learned to love, accept, forgive, enjoy, be happy, endure, survive, thrive and many other positive things since my rotten childhood. I did not suffer nearly as horribly as many other abuse victims but I am doing the best I can with what I have and feel very positive about my life and what future I have left (Im 73 now). I can not and will not preach about what your or any other survivor needs to do but will offer what I have done or believe and you can take what you like from my share.
re: the Lord allows children to be tortured. I just have no comment other than I do not understand it nor do I have an explanation for the horrors that occur in our world. I suppose from the Divine perspective, there is a reason but I just don't know what it is for now. I'll say when I get it. But I am living my life right now and not the life of a torture victim so this is all I can do. I'd guess each of us is facing and coping in whatever way we can and maybe the Lord is helping someone somewhere in distress (?????) but I just don't know.
best wishes on your recovery
jim