I know exactly how you feel. I also have not been in contact with my mom for about a year and I feel like I am in a much better place, mentally. I feel guilty as well though, because we are "supposed" to be there for our parents and I feel like I am abandoning her. I think of me not talking to her as my time to heal, as I have a long time of being bullied essentially by her to heal from. My therapist told me to only talk to my mom when it is a conversation I want to be a part of; to control the conversation. I thought that was good advice to trying to talk to her again. Hope this helps, you are not alone.

I understand. When I try to talk to my friends about how my parents' behavior gave me PTSD, they don't really understand. I think it's hard for people who have never encountered a narcissist to comprehend that someone could behave that horrendously, let alone a parent to their own child. I think you did awesome to go NC. I've been NC for three years, but it's honestly not enough. It's a really good first step to healing, but you need time, distance, therapy, meditation, self-love, lots of things to heal yourself.

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. Your feelings are real & they matter!

I feel all alone in my family too. They are all narcissists or minions and it's really hard because I've always tried to do the good Christian thing and I get taken advantage of.

Thank you to those that replied. I'm sorry it took so long to read these. I have been having a rough time with recovered memories. I am remembering the crime my parents were involved in and I witnessed. Is there anyone out there that has had a similar experience. This is really hard to deal with.

I understand. You are not alone... please know there are many of us out there and I certainly wish you peace and happiness. You inspired me to register and reply just so I could give you the nod of recognition you deserve. My best friend is incredibly supportive but openly admits lack of understanding of what I have been through. This is because my best friend is most definitely a "good enough" parent who was raised by "good enough" parents and cannot imagine any parent perpetrating the level of abuse and cruelty I endured. I rarely share details with others because my past often qualifies as stranger than fiction truth, which can confuse people and leave them wondering if I am exaggerating or even lying. I joke with my best friend that if she had not borne witness to so much of it over the 15 years we have known each other my history would be hard for her to believe too. It has now been 9 months since going no contact with my family. This was possible after around 3 years treatment for cPTSD with a marvelous trauma informed therapist. With this therapist I finally received a proper diagnosis after more than a decade of misdiagnoses and treatments that only eased symptoms rather than address the root cause. Now that my treatment addresses the root, EMDR therapy has changed my life! Going no contact with my comorbid NPD/BPD dad and sister and my enabling covert NPD mom meant going no contact with my entire family. My dad forces the entire family into black and white terms... you are either all in or all out. This is not a hardship as the entire family is dismally dysfunctional and entangled and I had moved half way across the country and withdrawn from them all years ago. Work reprocessing my past and intense inner child work has been long and difficult but so incredibly validating and worthwhile. I have never felt so free and I finally now know who I am independent of my family. And I am not so bad and stronger, calmer, and happier than I ever imagined possible. I don't have the words to describe exactly what that feels like for me. They have no power over me now. This was the best decision of my life and I feel much gratitude.