Three years ago I found this book entitled "Will I Ever Be Goodenough" By Karyl McBride written for daughter's of narcissistic mother's. After reading it I had a paradigm shift in how I viewed both of my parents. Both are undoubtedly narcissistic but, my mother, in particular has never shown any real empathy or genuine emotion, unless it was about herself. My father was physically abusive so we all, including our mother, blamed him for any of the dysfunction in the family. After reading the book I immediately called both my older brother and younger sister to tell them about what I had read. They both immediately went out and bought and read the book. Many excited and revolutionary conversations followed. We agreed to meet to discuss the book. At the time we were 45, 46 and 48 years old, and it was the first time in decades that we had all sat around a table together, just talking.

We all agreed over our close to ten hour meeting that we would do for each other what our parents could not/ would not do for us. We would give each other unconditional love knowing that each one of us had suffered in our own way and that we were more alike than different. We agreed that we would not repeat the patterns of blaming each other, we would take responsibility for our own actions and we resolved to never talk to our mother about each other. Our mother often manipulated arguements between us by repeating things and as a united front she would no longer have the power to create these little dramas between us, with her at the centre of attention, what she so desires.

For close to a year, this worked brilliantly. Mother's role as victim escalated however, because of her unthoughtful children were being cruel. None of us has ever had the nerve, even at our age to tell her straight out how cruel and thoughtless she has been towards us. Not much had really changed except that we would put up boundaries about how much contact we wanted with her, and we were no longer talking about each other with her.

Walking away from that meeting with my siblings freed me. I forgave them, they forgave me, and we were all going to take responsibility for our own actions from that day forward, and leave the blame of the past squarely on the shoulders of our parents. After my brother left my sister felt that she had to caution me, that my brother probably would not be able to shift his thinking, because he has always seen me so much like our mother. I am very similar in looks and mannerisms.

Three years later, it is my brother and I that have survived with the most loving relationship. Within a year, my sister was creating dramas, getting closer to my mother, and has now decided that I am the one causing all of her problems. This betrayal hit me very, very hard. She and I were only fifteen months apart and were very close, with me as her protector most of our lives.

Although the results were not what my heart most desired I still think that we were on the right track at that meeting. Anyone's input and comments would be most appreciated.!! Has anyone had similar issues, with perhaps more success?

It brings tears to my eyes, with gratitude and pride how well my brother and I have done in supporting each other, and that is what I hang on to.