Mermaid....

My Dad, youngest sis, my step sis and my first step mom are/were all Narcs.

Life was..... Hell.
I'm lucky that I'm a very calm easy going person. Without knowing what Narcissism was when I was growing up. I learned tolerance and to just shut up.

I could go on and on. But..... What I'm wanting to say is, I dont know or think cutting people out of our lives, is the best decision.
To me..... they each, (my family) are a pain in the butt. At the same time, I've learned to distance myself enough that I'm not angry, hurt or walking on eggshells all the time.

I make excuses at times as to sorry. I've made Xmas plans or this or that.

There are times, when visiting is not a chore... but somewhat pleasant.

I take care of my dad. The best times taking care of him. Has been when he's at his sickest or weakest.
Other than that.... I rarely do anything correct. He's always right. And behind my back, he speaks badly of me. But..... He needs me, and I do care for and about him. I just look at it all, as a mental sickness.

Jeane, my parents were narcissists. Sometimes you distance yourself from them for your own sanity. How can you heal if you are surrounded by the very people who made your life miserable. A therapist will help you. Therapist do not judge, but will provide you with the tools you need to accept yourself for who you are. Don't be so hard on yourself. You did what was necessary at the time. Narcissists do not care about anyone but themselves. Are incapable of a two-sided relationship. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find a happy balance in your life. Sending a friendly hug your way.

I did distance my self.... for 16 years. My dad wrote me a nasty letter. And for once I had taken all I could. I wrote back 10 pages of pent up anger. He wrote back a short note, disowning me.

It was a good peaceful 16 years. I hate to put it that way. But.... it was. 100 miles from any of them.

I can't put a life's story here. But I lived a lot of neglect and abuse as a child. Passed around over and over.

One good thing in my early upbringing, was my Grandmother and a GOOD religious upbringing. Not a narrow minded, judgmental one.

I've lived with a number of women. Never married..... Fear of abandonment issues, obviously. But through it all. My hearts kind and caring to a fault. My granddad always said I had the patience of Job.
I do what I do.... The best is all we can do.

All the books I've read on narcissism say no contact is best because narcissists can use whatever you show them and is most loving not to be there. I don't let them keep me from loved ones

Mermaid,
What's really sad about the Narcs, is the fact that it is one of the most difficult psychosis to cure. Because most don't think they have a problem. So... why see a therapist.

My step sis left her husband. The marriage was like a mother/son relationship. Often when the wife is the Narc. that happens.

She thought he'ld beg her to come back. Nope.... He was finally able to make his own decisions.
She saw a therapist/marriage counselor. One visit, the woman told her, she was at fault. Everything needed to be her way all the time.

We can't change them. Its best to at least give them and yourself more space.

I understand that it is common to have multiple people in a family be narcissists. For me, it was my mom and sister. One of the first things that they did when I became uncontrollable was to turn the rest of the family against me. Mainly Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. It makes sense though. Bullies want you to feel alone. They don't want you to have a place to turn. I know it is hard to walk away. I've only been out a year, but the healing has begun. I hope the same for you. It's not an easy road, but until you establish yourself away from their influence, it seems to me, that you can't truly become yourself. I don't know if that makes sense, but I hope it does, and that it helps. You are not alone.

Thanks for saying I'm not alone. It helps having people who understand. I love them and always will but it doesn't mean I have to let them treat me badly. I tell them but they don't understand. Maybe they can't. Maybe they never will. But I can still love them from afar and be nice to them treating them like regular other people and not interact with them directly like family. They aren't family if they decide not to be. I am saying a counselor on Thursday for the first time. Here's hoping it helps me to completely let go and be whole.

Good for you. Seeing a counselor will help you. Maybe put a new perspective on your situation. But, it sounds like to me you already have a grasp of what you should do to be whole again. Best of luck to you. A friendly hug sent your way.

I know it all to well. My narc mom was sure to turn the entire family and her friends to hate me. It started with my grandma who adopted my mom. My grandma was aware of her psychosis so she started attending church and support groups to be a better person for me. and it worked! She truly changed for the better and let all this love into her heart and was able to love me for both her and my mom. I now realize my mom is a severe narc and its scary how much control and damage she has done to me in my life. I failed out of school, turn down marriage proposals, I had an abortion because my mom said she was too young to be a grandma at 53years and lastly was blacklisted in my career field due to my mom sabotaging me. As if she hates me and refuses to watch me bloom into the best version of myself. I paid for college all by myself and received 2 partial paid scholarships. All the bad choices I have made were all her guidance. It breaks my heart to learn the truth....but it makes me SO ANGRY to think back to when I was a little girl...she made my life so much harder than it ever had to have been. I could be successful, happy and have a beautiful family if she just fuckin loved me. I envision myself at 4 years old and just want to hug the little girl inside. I cant BELIEVE THE ABUSE I endured all those years. No wonder I struggle with suicide, anorexia, low self esteem and drugs. The more time I stay away from visiting my mom the happier I seem to be. She hates hearing it in my voice so she calls me at 1am hysterical about how her bf is threatening to throw her out in the street. I just cant handle it anymore. I am 34 and I want to just be happy. I have noticed I have been changing...a little more like her and I immediately went into prayer. I am terrified of being like my mom. I remember being 15 in young womens bible study...and CRYING to my leader and the young girls...IM TERRIFIED I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE MY MOM. Your not alone. Stay strong and be proud you are aware of the condition. Blessings.