Adult children of narcissistic parents Community Group

A space to explore our thoughts, feelings and experiences that have occurred as result of our childhoods with narcissistic parents (one or both). It is hoped that we can use this space as a further tool by which to take control of our lives from those we have inadvertantly relinquished it to, heal the hurt and be happy.

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/ Adult children of narcissistic parents Support Group

Discovered I have a narc for a mother

BrackM03
BrackM03

Hello, I’m glad I was able to find this group. I have just today come to the realization after researching online that this is definitely what I’ve been dealing with as long as I can remember with my mother. I don’t even know where to start because there are so many things that sound exactly like what I’ve gone through. What led me to do the research that I did today is because my mother had another one of her crazy episodes and ended up getting her car stolen or whatever so I was told (I’m sure I’ll find out the real story in the future) and of course my step dad calls me and treats me like I need to be helping him fix her cause it’s my responsibility and that only frustrated me even more. The biggest things I’m having trouble coping with right this moment are the fact that it’s not something that she has been diagnosed with but I know in my heart that she is a narc and her addiction to pain pills has made it way worse and I’ve always had empathy for her cause of her bad childhood which has led me to enable the situation but my point is that it’s hard to treat it like it’s real when it hasn’t been diagnosed and I don’t know what to do as far as my step dad goes cause I need to create boundaries and stop feeling like it’s my responsibility to fix her and the problems she creates but on the other hand shouldn’t I try to help and do whatever I can? Sorry if I’m all over the place, im new to all this and alittle flustered right now and I have so much more to say but want to take it in strides I guess...anybody that has any advice for someone just realizing what they’ve been dealing with their whole life feel free to shed some wisdom on me. Thanks 

donnawanda
donnawanda
I'm new to this group too but what I can say about trying to help or trying to fix things is, what is the point in wearing yourself out since you can never succeed? It's not like you're withholding the help. It literally isn't in your power to fix her. So maybe if he needs your help you can decide if you want to help him without having any illusion that you have the power to help her.
Jenny168
Jenny168
I'm new to the group but not new to the recovery process. I have been no contact with my narc/socio mom for a year. It has been a struggle to free myself. A long hard exhausting struggle. I am still not totally free. If you look at the situation from a detached perspective. These people were supposed to be the adults in your life. They were the ones that were supposed to look after you not the other way around as it is often with narcissistic parents. My guess is that you have been asked to fix her from a very young age. Have mercy on the little soul that was your child, and tell everyone that will listen that it is your turn, and not your responsibility to fix anyone.
ana97
ana97
I see similarities in our situations. My father also abuses his prescription pain medicine as well as his anti-anxiety meds. It has never been easy for me as a young child. I have been taking care of him in his episodes (which happen approx every 2-3 months), since I was 13 years old. He never remarried after his ex wife, and consistently made me feel it was MY responsibility to take care of him in these times. As I got older he used me as a financial crutch. I have recently decided to start cutting ties with him. I believe you have to put yourself and your own mental health before theirs. The most important person to take care of is yourself. You cannot let yourself be drained mentally to ensure your parents are okay. I am new to this but I have had really great guidance from a therapist for months at this point. It has not been an easy decision, the hardest in my life actually.
l3gacyofnature
l3gacyofnature
The thing I've found the most difficult, after coming to terms with the realization I'll never have the mother I would like, is setting and maintaining boundaries. Deciding what's best for my family and me is easier, at least once I put it in those terms, instead of what's the least amount of help I can give my mother. Last night, my mother accused me of still being resentful of the time she was using and of being resentful I'm an only child (I'm not, I have a sister who is surviving brain cancer and a brother with 7 children who travels for work). She also accused me of seeing a counselor who put the words "setting boundaries" into my head. Because she is a chronic liar and I was raised to pretend we were a fine, upstanding family, I can not lie and it's really hard for me to ignore the elephant in the room. I want to tell her the truth about how I feel, even knowing it will do no good, except to maybe give her more fuel and make me feel worse. She is incapable of anything besides fighting to get her unreasonable and demanding needs met, of controlling everyone around her.
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