The hard things for me right now are getting these intermitent phone calls from my family. Those. Those knock me out. It's like I should have been told to buckle up and have the fasten seat belt lights flicker a few frantic seconds later. 

My Dad called and left a v.m. the day off it being finialized to say: "I'm single now so have a drink for me."

That felt manipulative and weighty and pitty and lame. I told him that my body reacted in hives and he offered to pay for a therapist but hey, can you have one little ol drinky winky for me? Bleckh. 

Today, I got a group text - group texts are RARELY fun anyhoo - and it was a number that did not have a name in my contacts and my sister. The other number wanted to try and get together to throw my dad a bday party. The number must be my brother. I said flat out "No." and my sister gave some ranty mom excuses - valid but juiced for a little more "I can't." 

The thing is I do feel for my brother. His parents are divorcing and he turned out to be a douche because he had asshole parents. 

The last time we talked, like why I deleated his number because after becoming suicidal from a terrible drug, my dad did come down and vistit me. My brother was furious and tore me a new one on the phone. I was selfish for making our old father, who still drives, plays a shit ton of golf, volunteers, and walks 5 miles a day with FINALLY an arthitic hip. I was the selfish one for having a health reason. Cool. That's unfortunately the cycle...

This one today maybe me so angry and sideswipped me. That's what these little moments do. They knock you off to anger, resentment, rage, and confusion. And ya didn't ask for that, nor did you want that. 

That's what bugs me too is that my family still expects me to be the good daughter and show up. No thanks assholes. Call me when you try being kind.