Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group
A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics
I'm new to the group.
My mom is a dry alcoholic but never been in recovery. For the third weekend in a row she has had a crisis and wanted me to come running over to her house / thirty miles away.
She has had several things that she has wanted me to do for her this summer. I work. But with an alcoholic or even a dry alcoholic it just never is ENOUGH they want MORE MORE MORE...
I went and stayed 3 days at her house last wkend bc of a "crisis"... but now she's screaming at me bc I did not want to drive her 200 miles to a doctor when there is one 30 miles away. BUT I NEED YOU...she was screaming.
IT's been since I was 12 years old that I have felt like I have to EMOTIONALLY take care of my mom. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of her "crisis" mentally manipulating me.
I've been going to Al Anon for 7 years now and it has helped a lot. My brother is an active alcoholic and his health is very poor. But it is my mom.. the dry but not in recovery alcoholic that drives me crazy. It's always been that way. For me and my dad. But dad has been dead for 7 years now. And now I'm the only living target.
Just tired of her emotions manipulating me... and it is MY fault for allowing it.
Thank you for listneing.
Ginger
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
It sounds like you really need to let go of all that guilt you have been holding on to, but I did the same thing. Many years later, I learned to forgive myself for what I thought I did and then I forgave myself for holding on to the guilt for all those years. Finally, I am at peace! There are some good books that might help you feel better. One is, "healing the shame that binds me" by John Bradshaw and another is "the 12 steps for everyone who really wants them" by Jerry Hirschfield which is the 12 steps of EHA or Emotional Health Anonymous!"
I actually think it is very common that parents who are living alone due to the loss of their spouse, become very fearful from separation anxiety so they project that fear on to their kids by trying to manipulate them with feelings of guilt. I think it's important to stay as far away from the drama as you possibly can and to not get sucked in to the negativity and manipulation.
I know you love you mom but you have to break free of the control in order to find lasting peace.
God Bless
thank you very much. It is very hard to give myself a break bc "they" (the alcoholics in my life) tell me that I don't deserve it. They tell me what I should and should NOT be doing to take care of them.
Now that Daddy is gone, I am tired of it all. I am tired of getting sucked into the drama, the gossip, the complaining about life, the many crisis.... and just never being enough no matter how much I give. It never ends... the emotional bottomless pit....
thank you .... i really do need to give myself a break and allow them to just have terrible days and not be a part of the emotional drama. I want peace and quiet... and sometimes that means leaving them out of the equation.
I refused to allow them to take away the Peace and the Love of God that's in my mind.
Ginger, you can Love your family but that doesn't mean you have to be anyone's doormat. I learned that the best way to Love those who wanted to control me, was to Love them from a distance!
God Bless
TY bobinmaine
Ginger
But here we are, at their beck and call. Almost like being a puppet on stings and all you want to do is cut them but you're afraid of the fall...
I really wish you good luck and hope you start your journey to healing from your mom. We all need space and it is very hard... but from what I have heard- it's also healing!
Hearts!