Adult Children of Alcoholics Community Group

A Support Group for Adult Children of Alcoholics

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Advice: The Holidays

stcymcknz
stcymcknz

This year, we are hosting Thanksgiving at my house! (I am dueto give birth the day after, so wish me luck! Ha.) Remember, I kicked my dad out last month and he has been homeless since. However, my mother asked me if I was inviting him to thankgiving dinner... I told her I totally havent thought of that, but why should I? She said "Becuase he is your father". Ugh. Yeah, he is. And i love him. And I miss him.  And he was always good to me growing up (other than taking my money andusing me for his addiction... and being rude that last few month, and mooching off me for that last two years). 


WHat would you recommend? A simple invitation? Every holiday he usually ends up drunk and passed out on the floor anyways so he might not even show up, but should I at least extend the invite? IDK. 

gingergirl1961
gingergirl1961
You are an adult and do not have to tolerate behavior that you do not like from family or strangers.
You have the right to decide what goes on in YOUR home. If she wants him around, next year she can have him at HER house.
It is YOUR decision. You do not have to be guilted into anything you do not want.
My two cents. I know it's easier said than done. I do not like holidays. They are stressful bc of alcoholic behavior and unspoken expectations from "family"... and they think being family gives them an "excuse"... I have hated them for years now....
stcymcknz
stcymcknz
Ginger: you are 100% right!!! But I think I should clarify she wasn't pressuring or trying to get him to come (she actually can't stand him! Lol). I think she was saying it more for me as if letting me know no one would stop me if I wanted to!!! Lol. She wasn't meaning it like that!
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
If it were me I would probably invite dad but put a condition on him being there. I would let him know there will be no drinking so he is more then welcome to come but he better arrive sober. It's your get together so you have a right to decide.

God Bless
stcymcknz
stcymcknz
Bobinmaine: Thanks Bobinmaine!! I really appreciate it! :) I'll keep ya'll posted!
gingergirl1961
gingergirl1961
Stcymcknz,
Just to let you know , you are not alone when it comes to stressing about the holidays.
Me and my husband just had a long talk about how stressful they are to me and how I'm already dreading Thanksgiving....
I've been on edge all day and I finally put my finger on it... unrealistic expectations from the dry drunk in my life / the dry drunk will not get help and creates havoc when they do not get their way. It's like having a 3 year old child... the acting out and fit throwing. It's ridiculous. And I never know when it's coming....
U know... even when a person gets 'dry' ... if they do not get help, not much is accomplished bc the behaviors are the same.
So. You are not alone. I am dreading them too and having to make decisions that I might get "in trouble" for making. I always seem to make the dry drunk MAD. It's not fun.
Ginger
stcymcknz
stcymcknz
Ginger: Yeah, that sounds way too hectic. If that were my case, I'd probably NOT invite him. But I know him and the WORSE he would do is tell people his pitty party story of living homeless and so on, probably to make me feel bad. If he WERE to start drama I'd put an end to that REAL fast. Thanksgiving is one of my FAVORITE holidays and I wont let him ruin that!!! For sure.
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