Hi! I haven't used any form of message board in years, never really utilized any sort of support group and don't even use social media, and on top of that rarely ask for advice, so bear with me :)
My husband has a deadbeat, black sheep cousin I've never met who has an 18 month old boy (a paternity test was done, he wasn't even aware beforehand). Mom was/is (?) an alcoholic, and he was/is (?) using drugs. I don't know many of the details but baby was willingly placed into fostercare. He's across the country in CA. We're in VT. We hear he's happy, healthy, loving and with a great foster mom.
My husband's aunt (baby's grandma) has been heartbroken over all this and last year actually asked us and my husband's cousins if any of us would consider adopting the baby. We all declined. I was pregnant at the time so now have an 8 month old daughter and 3 year old son. The other night, really out of nowhere, my husband and I were both thinking of this baby. I said to him, "are you thinking of adopting ___?" He was, which was super coincidental. Now for the past few days we keep bringing it up and all the "what ifs" and I think trying to feel eachother out and how we feel about it without making any sort of impulsive decision.
His aunt had already mentioned she'd cover all adoption costs, and likely beyond (ensuring the kids are treated equally would of course be something discussed if this happens). I haven't even looked into the process much yet and we have yet to mention it to her because she'll be out of her mind excited, so we need to wait and see if we really settle on it. (I believe she had mentioned adopting the baby herself just to have some control over where he's placed...something like that.)
I'm not sure what I'm looking for from anyone. We moved last year to a different state with little social support, no friends...likely moving back to our home state next year or so to be close to family again, and I just want to hear some feedback. I never really thought I'd ever adopt. We had tossed around the idea of having 3 kids but after my last baby, even after a smooth pregnancy and birth I haven't really had any drive to be pregnant again. And I feel a strange guilt considering bringing in a new child when I have so much love for my 2 already. My 3 year old is such a social, loving boy, but I worry about giving him slightly less attention again. There's a lot of little things that keep popping into my mind too, if he was mine from the start how things would have been. I breastfed my first until he was 2, so I'd have to sort that out (pump for him?), I assume he's circumsized and our son is not...silly little things, I know.
It's a big deal and huge decision and I could use some (positive?) encouragement. Sorry again if this is rambling. I just need to hear something from those who have been there. Thanks!
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