Last year I made a really bad mistake, one that now, can be marked as I am young and just didn't know any better at the time, and a total accident. Regardless of specifics DFS is not "comfortable" returning my daughter to me. I completed every service, got mental health treatment, stayed sober. Everything they wanted, but my account of the accident doesn't work for them because of what the departments doctor said. Even though the two I took her to said completely different, and i told the truth about what happened, that didn't matter. So now almost a year later, I am preparing to voluntarily relinquish my parental rights and allow her to be adopted by the family placement she has been with. We are all in agreement about what is best for her and happy that we were lucky enough to have family step in to help. They have assured me that they will never keep her from me and just want the best for her. I'm posting because although I am not adopted, or adopting a child, I am a birth mother and I have no idea how many others are in a situation similar to mine but I need to get this out. 

I will now write as though my daughter is the one reading...

Hey Lovebug, I know I've messed up in such a big way I would make peace with you not wanting to talk to or see me again. I was young when I had you and that is not an excuse for my actions, but maybe it can explain my ignorance. You have no idea how much I want to go back and fix this. I can't. I did everything I could to make sure you were safe and loved. I want you to know that I love you. I love you so much I broke myself when I admitted that you should be with someone else in a better situation because I couldn't do what I needed to for you. I want you. You were a very big surprise but I wanted you from the second I knew you were growing in my belly and I will never stop wanting you. I didn't take the easy way out and just give you to somebody. And I didn't take the easy way out with DFS by ignoring them. I did everything I was told to and more. I'm not sure why they made the decision not to give you back to me, but that's what happened. So now I am trying to cope with what is happening and I know you will have to cope with your own things as you get older, but I will always be here. I didn't want this, I didn't ask for this, I hate myself a little bit more everyday. My role as your mama is to love you, keep you safe, and do what is best for you no matter how much I don't want to. And that is what I've done. If you have questions, I will answer them. If you want to talk, we can go for hours. If you want to see me, I will never reschedule or be late. You're my baby. You always will be. I love you so big, from mama.

Question for those who have been adopted or were otherwise not raised by their parents:

Is my letter to her something you would believe if it was written to you? Are there any topics I didn't think of but should add? What would you want to hear from your birth mother?