Adoption Support Group
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.
My husband has a 6 yo daughter and limited guardianship of her half sister who is 8. Their biological mother has not had custody of them in over 3 years and barely visits and doesn't pay support. We put the paperwork into the court to make the limited guardianship a full guardianship and asked about potentially adopting her since it's been 2 years and the mother hasn't followed the placement plan the court made for her to get her daughter back. She also has an older son she doesn't have custody of, just had a baby last October, and is pregnant with her 5th child.
After almost 3 months of not seeing the kids, a warrant, and moving 200 miles away, the mother called 2 weeks ago and told the kids she wouldn't be seeing them anymore and they can look her up when they get older on facebook.The kids were sad at first but now the 8 yo is refusing to want to talk to the mom when she calls and says she wants nothing to do with her anymore because of what the mother said and she hasn't come to see her. She came out and said she wants us to adopt her and she wants her last name the same as ours because she is the only one with a different last name. To her we are mom and dad, she is with us full time, and she isn't treated as if she isn't a part of the family. I asked her if she was 100% sure because she might change her mind in the future and her mom might change her mind and visit again. But this child is adamant that this is what she wants. She was in foster care for a year prior to being placed with us. She has been through a lot and is extremely bright, it is very hard to keep what is happening from her because the state has to have a social worker review our home every so often due to the placement.
.of course we can't control what the judge will do, if the mom shows up for a visit we legally have to send the children until it is changed. Just because she states she wants us to adopt her doesn't mean we will be allowed to.but the guardian ad litem called and said the judge is aware of what's going on and it's almost guaranteed that the full guardianship will be put into place at our hearing in a couple of weeks and we won't have to wait much longer after that to terminate the mothers rights/adopt.
So here is my question...can an 8year old make this drastic decision for herself? We would love to adopt her but I don't want her to regret the decision years from now. She's opened up to me about it quite a bit. I even asked her if she would like to go back to her counselor to talk about it and she said no she knows what she wants. We know she is safer with us and would have a more stable life as her mom has a long history and current history of drug abuse. I don't want to be the witch that took her mom away from her and I don't want her resenting us in the future.
Any input would be appreciated.
After almost 3 months of not seeing the kids, a warrant, and moving 200 miles away, the mother called 2 weeks ago and told the kids she wouldn't be seeing them anymore and they can look her up when they get older on facebook.The kids were sad at first but now the 8 yo is refusing to want to talk to the mom when she calls and says she wants nothing to do with her anymore because of what the mother said and she hasn't come to see her. She came out and said she wants us to adopt her and she wants her last name the same as ours because she is the only one with a different last name. To her we are mom and dad, she is with us full time, and she isn't treated as if she isn't a part of the family. I asked her if she was 100% sure because she might change her mind in the future and her mom might change her mind and visit again. But this child is adamant that this is what she wants. She was in foster care for a year prior to being placed with us. She has been through a lot and is extremely bright, it is very hard to keep what is happening from her because the state has to have a social worker review our home every so often due to the placement.
.of course we can't control what the judge will do, if the mom shows up for a visit we legally have to send the children until it is changed. Just because she states she wants us to adopt her doesn't mean we will be allowed to.but the guardian ad litem called and said the judge is aware of what's going on and it's almost guaranteed that the full guardianship will be put into place at our hearing in a couple of weeks and we won't have to wait much longer after that to terminate the mothers rights/adopt.
So here is my question...can an 8year old make this drastic decision for herself? We would love to adopt her but I don't want her to regret the decision years from now. She's opened up to me about it quite a bit. I even asked her if she would like to go back to her counselor to talk about it and she said no she knows what she wants. We know she is safer with us and would have a more stable life as her mom has a long history and current history of drug abuse. I don't want to be the witch that took her mom away from her and I don't want her resenting us in the future.
Any input would be appreciated.
However, I would definitely involve the counselor, and I would also note that she is not an adult, and the adults will have to make and bear the responsibility for the final decision.
She may regret her input. She may resent the final decision. But at this age she should not be made to feel responsible for the final decision.
Whatever way it goes, it sounds like you are trying to do the best thing by all parties, and I wish you all the love and luck in the world.
Would love to hear what janebrown might have to say about your situation.
Xx,
beep.
Family counseling is usually the best in these situations because if everyone is on board and feeling the same way, then you can proceed forward. Plus, when everyone goes together it strengthens the family unit, sort of in solidarity. Not sure if this helps, but I hope it does.