Adoption Support Group

Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.

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sunsets1386 10/28/2010

I never knew how I would react. I have been searching for my birth family for years... they found me Friday night on Facebook. I am still in a state of shock I think but he is such a nice man. I feel like he is the father I never had. Very Christian... used to be an alcoholic, has been sober for 6.5 years. It is all just so very crazy. We have so much in common and have been emailing back in forth. He wants to come visit but I am still so confused about all of my emotions. It is such a neat story... he told me he really loved my birth mom, and never loved anyone the same before or after her, but he was young, had no plan or job, was an alcoholic, and she did was she thought was best. I never once thought they wanted to keep me but he says he tried to convince her that he wanted to stop drinking and settle down. Its a good thing she trusted her gut bc he didn't. He says after the adoption his sadness grew, and it became him against the world. He had three daughters and one boy. The boy was born a few years after me, I was the first born, and he also was given up for adoption. I told him last night I honestly felt sad that his other daughters got to know him growing up and I didn't... what a crazy week!!!!!!!!!! any helpful advice or suggestions are welcome. I am still processing all of this.

deleted_user 10/28/2010

I dont know if any advice I give you will be any good for your case but sometimes it is best if you just give them a chance. Who knows your life can drastically change. Life is full of surprises and I wish the best for you. Your in my prayers.

deleted_user 10/28/2010

congratulations on finding them! It sounds like he's being really candid and open about his life, and he said he wants to come see you. I know acceptance is hard for you, but you may have found some here. Remember he was actully searching for you, and he didn't hide you from his family either. All of us are flawed in some way, but he's been sober for years, I can't imagine how it could be harmful to see him. I'm sorry you thought you were never wanted, and glad you found some truth. Best wishes.

deleted_user 10/28/2010

My ex found my father for me, we were still married. About 5 years ago. I've been building a relationship with him and his family since. Good for you.
TL

jarrettg 10/29/2010

Take it slow and only do what you feel is a good thing....not what your b father says to do. YOU also have to remember you had a adoptive family and I would talk to them so they don't feel you are wanting to leave them.
You have waited this long so just be careful and coodinate between your adoptive family and you b dad. Good luck

sunsets1386 10/29/2010

I love my adoptive family for better or worse, however I tried speaking to each of them abt it and they just don't want to hear it. I understand why they r defensive but it will not stop me from exploring this story. At first it was sheer excitement, then sadness, now a combination of the two feelings plus anxiety. I've never know anyone biological to me. Ever. It is life changing and no matter how many times my bio dad tells me he's not going anywhere and there's a place in his heart that was left void waiting for me... Idk I've been let down my entire life. why should this turn out any different

jarrettg 10/29/2010

You will find your adoptive family will feel a little betrayed if you persue the relationship with your b father. They will feel a little threatened and feelings might be hurt. SO be prepared for that if you continue to be stay in contact with your b family. It is only natural for you adoptive family to be upset you are their girl and that is it .
Hang in there just be ready for a few hurt feelings and maybe some cold shoulders...just reasure your b family you love them and that you appreciate them.

Hang in there :)

Mouse8844 10/29/2010

take your time to process this.I think it is great they found you because I think that leads to better success.But believe me it is a very hard and confusing journey so please be kind to yourself.Don't take on too much at once. I have tried for three years now to get to know my bio family. I have had the sadness of knowing sisters who won't speak to me anymore and i dont know why and my birth mother has just cut me off completely.Your parents may be scared for you .I wish I had had mine to help me get through. I also have found two uncles,an aunt and a grandmother who like me and will see me.(we live in diferent states so not very often) I have a bio brother who I am in contact with and all is good there.So tread carefully and I really hope that you can have a good relationship with your bio family.
Also maybe find out how everyone relates to eachother.One of the reasons my also adopted out sister wont talk to me is because I have had a relationship with my birth mum and she wants nothing to do with her. I am just saying this because it can all be much more complicated and complex than just finding family. i hope i am making sense. I wish I had taken things slower and known more before i met people and started my journey.

sunsets1386 10/29/2010

I'm very nervous abt this connection. I have 4 half siblings just on my parents side, veerryy complicated. I think the pros of opening up at this point outweigh the cons. He's very positive abt all of this, as am I. We live in different states so Idk when we will meet but he wants me to come visit. Idk what to expect, emotionally either. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions this past week.

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