Hello...I've just discovered this website while looking for resources and thought I'd join and reach out. I'm not entirely sure WHAT I need, but I'm fairly certain I need some sort of help, support group, or something.

Backstory

Last June a relative of some very good friends of mine passed away. She left behind a premature baby who was 3 months at the time of her passing. His grandmother and his aunt asked my friends if they would take him seeing as neither of them, nor anyone else in the family, wanted him, but they also did not want him to go to the state. 

A couple of weeks later my friends received temporary guardianship and permission to take him across state lines to their home state. My friends both work, pastor a church, and have 3 children of their own - who I have helped with since the 17 year old was a baby. As you can imagine they are very busy people and needed help with a new baby dropped in their lap. From the night the little guy came home, I was there. The whole first month I was home all of 8 days. 

My friends had asked me to be his Godmother as soon as they knew they were going to take him on. As such they asked if I would be involved in his life more as a third parent, including taking him home with me a weekend or two a month. I happily agreed to do this. I love all of their children and we have done life together for the better part of 20 years.

As time went on I absolutely fell in love with the little guy. To the point where I couldn't imagine my life without him in it and the thought of not having him around made me feel panicked. Originally the plan was for my friends to keep him until he was 6 months old and could be issued a passport and move overseas with his aunt. The aunt who doesn't want him had said she would take him if my friends decided not to keep him. She obviously only said she would take him at 6 months as a way to get my friends to agree to take him. Since leaving to go back to the country where she lives with her husband, and their 3 children she has not reached out once. Any attempt to reach out to her is either ignored or gets a 3 word reply max. 

After 6 months the temporary guardianship was up and my friends made the decision that they could not keep this little guy. Despite their best efforts it just wasn't working for them. They decided it would be better for him to be with someone who had time for him. The last few months of their guardianship I had the little guy 5+ days a week, including overnights. During this time I fell in love with the little man and we bonded. After some discussion and a lot of prayer I felt that God had spoken to me and confirmed that this little man was MY little man. 

Since January the little guy has been mine. I filled out and filed all the paperwork for guardianship, went to court (my friends accompanied me to court so we could show a unified front), did the home visit with foster care investigation, did the background check, transferred his SSI payments to me, dealt with foster care funding for him on my own, taken him to all his appointments, and I'm currently fighting to get him the therapies that he needs (wait times where he was referred are 6 months minimum.) 

I love this little guy so much, but I feel completely overwhelmed 99% of the time. Isolation and loneliness are not strangers, unfortunately. I care for my disabled mother - who has been a huge help with the baby, yet also adds to my load. I live at least an hour away from all of my friends so getting together is a huge, pre planned undertaking; i.e. rarely happens. Especially since most of my friends are single and childless. Everyone who said they would be there to give support, watch my little guy when I need to do something or just need a break, etc. are all now too busy. Ironic, since they are all related to either my little guy or me. I am a happily single by choice woman who is used to doing most things alone, but raising a baby alone is a whole new ballpark. 

There are supposed to be all these resources through the state for foster to adopt, but heck if anyone tells you how to access them. My little guy while not technically in foster care - I am not a foster parent - is funded and processed through the foster care system. He is supposed to have a social worker, however it's been over a month and a half since a social worker was requested for him by foster care and no one has reached out. I have no earthly idea how to access and utilize resources I've heard about in passing. Every time I do something new for my little guy I wish that the court would have given me a handbook with my letter of guardianship because without a doubt there are hoops to jump through. 

I have tried to find local and online support groups for adoption. Unfortunately they are all either for adoptees or they are for couples trying to adopt, either through foster to adopt or adoption agencies. It seems unseemly for me to try to connect with people who are hoping and praying so hard for a little one when I had one just dropped in my lap. I've thought about trying out a counselor, but I'm not sure how that would look when I go to court for the adoption proceedings (in my state you have to be legal guardian for 1 year prior to filing for adoption.) 

There are no single parent groups near me and all the online ones I have found so far seem to be all divorcees comiserating about their exes. 

I'm trying to find play groups or something for my little guy so he has little friends to play with to no avail. I even tried doing the kids program at my local library but it is for kids a good bit older than my 18 month old. All my friends who have children have much older children. Yay for being an older mom.