For me I was so proud I was her mother that what other @#$@#$ people thought didn't matter too much. And it is very hard to stop this immoral society from thinking bad things. Or saying them. If it didn't happen to them, they are better people, just ask them. The best you can do is talk to others that have been through it. Some even survived the heart wrenching enough to dare to fight the system. Joe Soll co-wrote adoption healing and has a following on facebook and a web site. Some healing just doesn't happen, but it does get better.

Thats so true. I do think this way now. I'll never forget when my oldest sister found out. Was hurtful what she said to me. "How could you just give your child away?". Wow I almost forgot about that. Ok so I did get one neative remark and hurtful, cause she's my sis. People just don't realize an open adoption is a beaustiful experience. You choose the parents and your all together through some of the pregnancy. and much more is involved. I didn't give her way. I placed her w/two loving parents.=)

you did what you felt was right for both you and your birth child. People in our society will always have an opinion--sometimes good and sometimes bad and sometimes not in line with what we as an individual believe to be good or bad. the people around you who have opinions (whether good opinions or bad), they are not you, they are not walking in your shoes. while it can hurt not having the aproval of our loved ones--at the end of the day, it is you who has to live with your decisions.

very true

I am not a birth mother, i am an adopteee but I have to say I commend you on your attitude. I am also 37 and found my birth mother a couple of years ago, I also found out that I was still 'a secret' and that not one single person knew of my existence except her and my b-father. To this day she still refuses to tell anyone about me and it has actually lead to the breakdown on our relationship. She chose to keep her secret instead of keeping me. I think you are doing the right thing and I am sure your daughter would be happy that you not keeping her a secret any longer

aww thank You Pinklily. I'm sorry for your situation. Ok so the day I see her I will be so proud of her and tell the world she is my daughter and that I didn't place her w/another family, cause I was asshamed of her. I did it cause I loved her and wanted the best and I even have a photo album i've been keeping too. Every picture I recive I put it in this album.. I hope that I can meet her one day. Your mom doesn't know what she lost. A second chance..

Why make her a big secret? You know what if people are negative my feeling is they are ignorant. What you did was out of love and the greatest sacrifice a mom can make for her child. Don't ever feel bad or like you have to hide it. Without your sacrifice there are many adoptive parents that would never know the joy and passion of being a parent. Yes, I am an adoptive parent to be but honestly what you did was the honest and right thing for you to do for you and your little one. No one should pass judgement on another without having walked in your shoes. So while I wouldn't put up a billboard announcing it to everyone, I wouldn't shy away from it either be proud to say I wanted my baby the very best life with all the trimmings and I knew that in order for her to have this I love her so much I had to give her up for adoption. XO :)

Thank You Jen1307. Nicely said..from you view

My wife found her daughter she gave up and still is embarased I guess for people to know about her. I guess its the issue of I can't believe I did that. I know its hard but theres nothing to be ashamed of. My birthmother wants me to drive 5 hours to meet people. I can't afford that, but i'm Honored!

It's no fun keeping a BIG SECRET for so long. For me, it was some abortions when I was in my twenties, during the era of Free Love and women's liberation. Two of these pregnancy terminations even occurred while I was married, despite my reluctance at the time. I carried a "Forbidden Grief," but most often buried the guilt and shame, believing that I could pretend it never happened if I chose not to think about it. But, it was like a cancer on my soul, silently growing into a tumor and zapping my self-esteem and integrity. Finally I did decide to face my feelings and I found some relief and healing through a Martha's Vineyard "retreat" sponsored by the Catholic Church. After this, I told my family, a couple of close friends and my therapist, and I returned to church b/c Jesus forgives everything, even the worst sins.

I still feel regret and shame sometimes, but in the intervening years I fostered several children and adopted two girls who needed a committed parent. The adoption experience is very complex, and I believe that most inexperienced people have no idea that the biological parents still love the child they gave up.
I tell my daughters and have also expressed the same to their birthmothers, that I am so grateful that the bio-Moms gave them life. because otherwise I would never have known the child or have had the joy (and challenges) of being a parent.

Please let's not let this thread go off on a tangent discussing the pros and cons of abortion. I just felt it was important for "cali36" to remember that that was another option when she got pregnant, and to congratulate herself for having chosen the better (but also difficult) path!

Thank You so much Auntalva, I feel the love.You know one of my biggest reasons for not keeping her a secret, especially to my 14 year old son ( her full brother) is because he and she have a right to meet again one day if something should happen to me..Hope not I do miss her so much and I only held her twice..

As an adoptee I found out when i was 46 that i had been adopted.It was so hard to belive that i had been lied to all my life.
My birth family didnt know either so its just awful to be a secret to all.If you intend to find your child one day he or she will really appreciate the effort you are gooing to now.I know I would have.
Don't ever feel guilty but do the right thing by your child in the long term ,a journey which you have already started
I am sure you will get both positive and negative responses but I think ultimately it it is what you want in the furture with your child that counts and that is releasing them from the pain of being a secret.I commend you all the best

Thank You!!!