I think it is only natural for you to grieve this loss throughout your lifetime. As your daughter reaches milestones with her adoptive family, you grieve the loss of not being there to witness them. I am assuming that this was a closed adoption? I know there are many successful open adoptions, so I'm just wondering if you have that option. I have adopted a daughter, who is almost 4. I can't imagine giving birth, then making the incredibly brave choice to place your baby with an adoptive family. It may take her many years to fully process what it means to be adopted. She may not fully realize what an incredibly unselfish decision it was, when you chose adoption (maybe not until she has children of her own). I think you will always have a place in your heart for your little girl. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.

It was an open adoption. I picked the family she went to, it was a family friend that I have known since I was 16. She's a beautiful little girl and I get to see her periodically but OMG do I miss her. I miss holding her and I miss drying her tears. I missed her first steps and her first words and when she says "I love you mommy" it's not to me. I carried her for 8 1/2 months and fought hard to get her here and then she went home with someone else. I still had to go through the emotions, the postpartum depression and the woolliness and I didn't have a baby to show for it. We had our picture taken together a week ago and I cherish those pictures. I actually have pictures of my little girl but I don't have her to hold. She went to a good home and a great family. She is well taken care of and very well loved but oh I miss her! I still believe I made the right decision and I know I did what was best for her. Even now I'm not in a position where I can properly take care of her. I love her but she deserves more than what I can give her. She's almost 5 and I can't wait to see her blow out the candles!!

It was a great and loving sacrifice you made for her to be raised in a stable home. Since it's open, I think it's wonderful you get to see her. I'm curious what the agreement was between you and the adoptive parents? It sounds like you are invited to share birthdays and whatnot. That I bet is bitter sweet.

They had a little girl that was 4 when they adopted my baby and the agreement was that she was to be included in things. Also that I don't tell her bio dad where she is because he will harass them. As long as I'm respectful I can see her any time I want. I have known the adoptive mom since I was 16

keep a journal of you missing her. One day she will come find you and she would love to see that you really did love her but couldn't provide her at the time what she deserved.