I don't know how old the kids are... and it does seem that the father is going in the right direction for the children's well being but depending on their ages shouldn't they have some say? It would have to be brought up carefully because you don't want them to feel pitted against their mom but at the same time, still their mom and even if rights are stripped that will not change. GL

I agree with Chris333.

The boy is 4 and the girl is six. Since they could walk she paid less and less attention to them. She pretty much quit meing mommy when she left their dad. I think the only reason she ever was mommy was because he was there and made her be mommy. She is one of those people that weren't meant to reproduce because she can't get her head out of her --- long enough to care what happens to anyone other than her and her mean husband.

Your situation is an awful lot like mine was (back in the day). I adopted my husband's two sons. His wife left him to "start a new life" and left the boys with him. I became their their mom but, over all the years, I always told them that she loved them she just wasn't able to be take care of them. I knew enough about her to know that she had real mental health problems that she needed to work on. And for their safety, we needed to know that if something happened to my husband, the boys would be able to stay with me, in their home. I was very careful not to bad mouth her in front of them because she was, is and always will be a part of them and I would never bad mouth them. They were 5 and 1 when I came into their life and are 23 and 19 now. They have an adult relationship with her now. And I hope I have played a part in their being able to love and respect her.
You have to protect them now. Should something happen to your husband, custody will automatically revert to her. They will be taken from you and their home. Is she capable of caring for them? You have to consider what is best for them. If that means adopting them, I encourage you to teach them to love and respect her. Keep healthy contact with her as much as possible. (Even if the kids can't have contact. You should, if you can.) It will make it easier for you and her (and one day, for the kids).
If you have to do this, you are not violating her, you are doing her a service, by caring for her children when she cannot. No child has ever suffered from being loved too much. The only violation would be if you degraded her or her memory to them. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER bad mouth a birth parent in front of an adopted child.

Hunter the 4 year old doesn't think about it much, but Brittney does. I am always having to explain that her mom does love her and that there is a lot going on in her life right now that she is having a hard time dealing with. Brittney is smart and she knows that pretty much that her mother would rather not see them than to argue with her husband. I try to make her not feel that way, but I can't seem to change her mind.

YOU are not doing any violation to this woman. SHE has done this to herself. My advice: Love those children like they are your own; do not talk bad about their mother (let them figure that out on their own); and let them know that they have a big part in your heart to stay.
Children are for the rest of your life, not just when you feel like it. It sounds like she has chosen her path.