Adoption Support Group
Adoption is the legal act of permanently placing a child with a parent or parents other than the birth parents. Whether you are looking to adopt, putting your child up for adoption, parenting an adopted child, or just thinking about it, this is the place to discuss.
I thought that when we made the decision to move forward to adoption, and very happily, that infertility, and all of the emotions, would sort of fade into the background. Yesterday, I realized that it will never completely go away, it's always going to be a part of me--sort of like road rash . . .
"I know youve been there, I know you know just exactly what Im talking about.
That red, sore, black and blue road rash, which covers the heart of every single woman who has faced down infertility.
Its a road rash that we will carry with us for the rest of our livesa scar that will heal, yet leave in its place a lasting reminder of just how many times we face planted on concrete.
Of course not literally face planted (though some of us may have done that as well). Perhaps however it would have been easier if a collision between ourselves and an immovable hard surface were all that I was referring to. That pain would eventually be forgotten. Ours, never will.
Every time we try another treatment, change to another diet, exercise more, exercise less, stop drinking alcohol, throw away the BBT chart out of frustration, and then dig it back out of the garbage five minutes later, we face plant onto concrete.
Those in our lives who love us try to understand. They arrive with Neosporin and gauze (a.k.a., wine & chocolate), hoping to soothe the burn. Thank God for them, they hold us together when our seams are breaking apart. Yet every time we look in the mirror, we still find the road rash staring back at us.
When my husband returns from an international trip in a month or so, we will begin our adoption journey. Yet even with that knowledge, when I went in to have my blood drawn yesterdayto test numerous things, one being my FSHI face planted on concrete. Our lives are moving forward. We will have our chid. I am happy.
And then, WA BAM, ouch, darn it! The crazy monkeys in my mind start running wild inciting fear. What will my FSH be? Will it still be in the normal range? What if its not? What if something else looks really off?
WA BAM, ouch!
And so . . .http://infertilityawakening.com/201... ash-struggle-and-infertility/
"I know youve been there, I know you know just exactly what Im talking about.
That red, sore, black and blue road rash, which covers the heart of every single woman who has faced down infertility.
Its a road rash that we will carry with us for the rest of our livesa scar that will heal, yet leave in its place a lasting reminder of just how many times we face planted on concrete.
Of course not literally face planted (though some of us may have done that as well). Perhaps however it would have been easier if a collision between ourselves and an immovable hard surface were all that I was referring to. That pain would eventually be forgotten. Ours, never will.
Every time we try another treatment, change to another diet, exercise more, exercise less, stop drinking alcohol, throw away the BBT chart out of frustration, and then dig it back out of the garbage five minutes later, we face plant onto concrete.
Those in our lives who love us try to understand. They arrive with Neosporin and gauze (a.k.a., wine & chocolate), hoping to soothe the burn. Thank God for them, they hold us together when our seams are breaking apart. Yet every time we look in the mirror, we still find the road rash staring back at us.
When my husband returns from an international trip in a month or so, we will begin our adoption journey. Yet even with that knowledge, when I went in to have my blood drawn yesterdayto test numerous things, one being my FSHI face planted on concrete. Our lives are moving forward. We will have our chid. I am happy.
And then, WA BAM, ouch, darn it! The crazy monkeys in my mind start running wild inciting fear. What will my FSH be? Will it still be in the normal range? What if its not? What if something else looks really off?
WA BAM, ouch!
And so . . .http://infertilityawakening.com/201... ash-struggle-and-infertility/
it's such an awful mental torture, this thing call infertility. Not only is it hell on your body physically, but i'm just really still dealing with the mental after affects. It's been a year and a half since my last failed IVF cycle and i'm still dealing with this every single day. Now the torture goes to adoption - do it, don't do it, can't do it, don't want to do it, maybe we could do it, no don't want to. I have my own global war going on in my head at any give moment of the day. It's really just awful. i just want to tell my brain to shut up but then my heart gets invovled and the war starts all over again.
I wish you strength and mountains of happiness, whereever your path may lead you
Most of the time these emotions get me feeling embarrassed about being so selfish. I want to be happy for my friends but sometimes the jealousy overwhelms it.
For example: I work with a good friend (good friend meaning we've worked together for 2 years and hangout with our husband's outside of work most weekends). She's known about our adopting since the beginning and even shared with me her troubles getting pregnant which only took about 3 months and some hormone shots which I know was difficulty for her. Then, when she's ready to announce to everyone that she's pregnant, she just decides to at the end of our weekly staff meeting in front of everyone. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach! Then, because we work in a medical facility, she was complaining one day about a patient who had been sick and she was concerned about working with him because she didn't want to catch it, which is understandable but when I tried to make her feel better and say it'll be okay, she said "yea, but can you imagine having to go see that patient when your pregnant?" (Pull the knife out of my back, please!) I know she isn't doing it to deliberately be cruel, I know she just doesn't get it. but that doesn't make it hurt any less!
I even get the face plant every day getting home after work when there's not a message on the answering machine from the adoption agency, again.
Moral - you don't have to go through IVF and treatments to face plant every day!
So while I appreciate the concern, perhaps you didn't read the entire blog (through the link) before you commented. This post has nothing to do with our future child in any way, it is about me and self awareness of the invisible scars IF leaves, that sometimes only we can see.
I am sorry for being selfish!
My deepest apologies!!
I think I awoke the "mama bear" in you and you awoke the "mama bear" in me. :-) I can only guess at the extreme amount of strength, courage, and love that it took for you to place your child with another family so that they could have ev erything you hoped for them. You are VERY strong and courageous. I can also only imagine how many fears come with such a choice (e.g., wil my child be a consolation for what a couple going through IF really want). Very valid and very understandable feelings.
I can only tell you my perspective, however from my vantage point the chid who will be mine grew in my heart, no less than my womb. They are the greatest gift we will ever be given from the angels of all that is perfect and good. For us adoption was not the last option, it was our option once we were ready to give a child everything we can ( I.e., when I was close enough to being done with my PhD).
Your feelings and hurts are valid and understandable. Thank you for being open to listening to the "other side" and for your apology. I honor you for your tremendous courage in such a heart wrenching choice.
I appreciate your understanding! You really helped me feel better to!
I liked your Mama Bear analogy - it is soooooo true!!
My daughter that I gave up for adoption will be 26 this year. My three boys are 21, 18, and 14. We are searching for her and pray to meet her one day. The first thing I want to do his hug her and the second thing I want to do is thank her parents for giving her a good life. I would love to have some sort of respectful relationship with my daughter and her family. I will pray for you in your adoption process if you will pray for me in my reunion process.
With heartfelt appreciation!!