Ok so for the past couple of weeks I have been angry with my daughters birth mother. I honestly don't know if I have a right to be. Not sure if it could possibly just be jealousy taking over and I can't control it.
Here's my story.....I adopted my daughter when she was just out of middle school. Her father was in another country and her mother was detached mentally, physically, and emotionally. She decided she just didn't want her child anymore. She felt her daughter was stopping her from living her life. I knew that it would be much harder adopting an older child than a younger child but I didn't care. This young lady deserved a life that was full of love with people she could trust and depend on.
Fast forward to high school.....There were some behavior issues along the way (a lot of issues actually) but I refused to give up on her. I pushed and pushed and pushed until the day finally came and my baby walked across the stage and grabbed her diploma. This was one of the biggest moments in her life so far. At the end of the day she said 'I thought my mother would should up'. Those words broke my heart. I was there. I was always there. But I knew her sadness came from not seeing her birth mother sitting in the audience cheering her on. There were to be many more moments of 'I wish', 'I thought', 'Why?'. Each and every time I had to console her without talking ill about her birth parents. She needed them. As much as I hated it she needed them. Perhaps to prove that she made it without them? To hope she for once made them happy? I don't know. But I do know it is something she would always look for. Their approval. Their acceptance. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Now lets move to current day so you can understand why I am so angry. After all the days and nights of my daughter waiting, crying, hoping, wishing, she finally got the phone call she wanted. It was her birth mother. She invited her on a cruise with her birth family and of course my daughter said yes. The only catch was she would have to pay for her own plane and cruise ticket. Guess who ended up footing that bill? Yes, me. But that's irrelevant. My daughter finally came home from the cruise with her 'family' and felt more disconnected than ever before. Apparently most of the extended family didn't know she gave her daughter up for adoption. She made up stories and boasted about her daughters high school graduation as if she was actively involved in her life.
My daughter feels like she borrowed her to uphold an image and all my daughter wanted was to reconnect with her birth mother. Build some sort of relationship. Now she is completely heart broken and I don't know how to fix it.
I want them to have a relationship because my daughter wants that more than anything in the world but I can't allow her to continue treating my daughter this way. Any advice on how I should handle this is greatly appreciated.
hi, I am a new to this group who 4 weeks ago got a call that a birth mom picked me. A week later I was blessed with a beautifully baby . I am overwhelmed and happy, and am also in an open adoption where all I want is the birth mom to be ok and know everything is going to be fine. While at the same time I want to embrace being a new mom. I was wondering if anyone else is in this same situation...