I am new here. My name is Ellie, I'm 32 and live in Florida. My oldest and youngest daughter's were adopted. But, it wasn't one of those from birth adoptions that you usually hear about. Breanna was born in Germany in 2000. A few months after her birth I was really depressed and comtemplating suicide. My now ex husband had me admitted to the Crisis Stabilization Unit. He too, was admitted that same night for PTSD. Breanna was home with a babysitter and after a few days we were notified that the babysitter could no longer care for her. My ex (Justin) contacted his father, who told him that Justin's cousin's (John and Melissa) were willing to care for Breanna until we were released from the CSU. When we got out we contacted David (Justin's father) but he told us that they all felt it was better for them to care for Breanna until we returned to the US and had a place to live etc. When we returned to the states, had a place to live and Justin had a job, we rented a car to go to TX and get Breanna, after renting the car, we went back home to pack and rest for the night with plans to leave for TX the next morning. When we arrived back home there was a card on the door for the local sheriffs office. We contacted the detective on the card and he told us that he had some paperwork for us and needed us to come in and sign for it. We went over there immediately. Upon arriving at the sheriff's office, we were handed a temporary restraining order preventing us from going to get Breanna or contacting her in any way. The hearing was for approx 2 weeks later. We traveled to TX and obtained the first attorney out of the phonebook that was willing to work with us financially. He went to court with us and was able to get us visitation however we were still not allowed to bring Breanna back to Florida. The next court date was a couple of months later. We went again, and started to explain to the judge the things that we were doing in order to prepare for Breanna's homecoming. At that time they accused us of Child abuse and neglect. The child abuse accusation was because when Breanna was an infant, I fell asleep with her on my chest. I must have fallen into a deep sleep and tried to roll over, and when I did she fell on the floor. That's what woke me up, the thump of her hitting the floor. We took her to the ER immediately and they did xrays and ct scans and said she was fine. The neglect accusation was because I had been shopping with Breanna, in and out of stores, Breanna was dressed adequately for the weather, that night I knew something was wrong, so I took her back to the ER, they ran all kinds of tests on her including a spinal tap. When the Dr came back and told me she had hypothermia I asked "what the hell is hypothermia?" He explained it to me and I responded with "I didn't know, I was raised in Florida" he asked what my activities of that day were. I explained to him that we had been shopping and in and out of stores, in and out of the weather, that's when he explained to me that the constant temperature change can effect a baby, that's how she got the hypothermia. She was put under a heat lamp and released from the hopsital a few hours later. The judge then set our case for trial. The trial was set for Breanna's first birthday 3-19-01, my daughter Savannah was born via C section on 3-15-01. I was released from the hospital on 3-18-01. I contacted the courts in TX and informed them that I had just had a baby and been released from the hospital the day before and that my Dr advised me not to travel. I asked for an extension. I was refused. We lost custody of Breanna due to default for failure to appear. Next, John and Mellisa began suing us for child support. Theyt knew that we had a newborn at home and we're financially unable to pay child support. Very shortly after they started the process, they contacted us and said that if we terminated our parental rights, they'd stop the child support. After a long, thoughtful, emotional time period, we relunctantly agreed because they told us that we'd have contact, visitation and picture's of Breanna. We thought we'd be able to watch her grow up still. After the papers were signed. We never heard from them again. We found out later that Melissa had planned the whole thing since she wanted to have another baby, but John did not since she wasn't taking care of herself or her other children. I had a feeling about this the whole time since when we visited Breanna the first time, after the first court hearing, John and Melissa's other daughter's kept calling her "Libby" they had changed her name to "Olivia" as soon as she was in their care" Breanna believes that she was born on a plane and has no idea that she is adopted and has dual citizenship for the US and Germany. I have recent picture's of her only because I found her on FB a while back. I reached out and tried to contact her a few weeks ago, but haven't received a response. I don't know if she even saw it. It went to her "Other Folder" because we are not connected on FB. Plus there's the possibility that John and/or Melissa intercepted the email before she saw it. Last time I tried, I was still able to view her page, so that leads me to believe that she hasn't seen it. Now, about Billie-Jo, She's 10 now. She was born in 2004. Her father, became verbally, emotionally, mentally and physically abusive during my pregnancy with her. He told me everyday that I was "fat, ugly, worthless, nobody would ever want me and I'd never amount to anything" After BIllie-Jo was born I was taking care of Billie-Jo all day while her father (Billie) worked and then took Billie-Jo to work with me and worked all night. Billie handed me a bag of cocaine and said "here this will help you lose weight and give you energy" I tried it and it got out of control. DCF was contacted and opened an investigation, putting Billie-Jo in foster care. They made a case plan for us, and I was doing everything that I was supposed to do, until the abuse from Billie got so bad that I had to leave. He followed me up and down the East Coast. Finally in 2006, he beat me so bad, I had concussions, bruises on my neck, shoulder's, forearms, back, face, a fat lip, broken hand and he had broken my eye socket. When he broke my eye socket the optical nerve went in between the bones where they broke, and the Opthamologist (SP?) said he didn't want to do surgery because of how close it was to my brain, it was too dangerous! So, when the two bones healed and fused back together, the optical nerve became stuck in the middle. I still have issue's today due to this injury. Anyway, having to leave state and flee Billie, I wasn't able to continue with my case plan. After doing a lot of thinking and soul searching, I thought that it would be best for Billie-Jo's foster family to adopt her. I had met them and hung out at their house during visitaitons. They we're awesome, Christian people. I knew they'd give her a better life than I ever could and she deserved better than me. So, I agreed to allow them to adopt her. Later, I stopped using the cocaine, but began using Heroin. It got REALLY out of control. I was living a living HELL. It took me going to prison to finally realize that I didn't want to live like that anymore. I have been clean since 8/2012, Billie-Jo's adopted family sends me picture's of her but I haven't been able to contact her, I think she's waiting to see if I really pulled my head out of my ass this time. She did tell me if I stayed clean and kept doing the right thing, I could see BIllie-Jo (who is now known as "Morgan") So. I wait everyday, hoping to hear from Robin (her adopted mom) and am able to see her. She doesn't have to know who I am, she's still too young for that, but even to have a relationship with her, knowing me only as her mom's friend. That would be a dream come true. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am hoping to meet some of you that maybe dealing with a similar situation or even someone looking for a point of view from the "other side" I hope I don't get "rejected" from the group, now that you know my story.