In 2008 we adopted a 10 year old boy from foster care. His workers shared the family history with us and we were informed he was a victim of abuse - sexual and physical. We were also told that it was isolated incidents and he hasn’t shown any signs of aggression. We were lead to believe that with a lot of love, therapy, positive family values and encouragement - this child could blossom into a wonderful young man. He is presently 13 years old.
Looking back now the signs were there. But we wanted this child to fit into our family so bad - It started with disbelief and then we denied it. But his sexual behaviors continued and have increased over time. We thought it just couldn’t possible be true – or was it we didn’t want it to be true. What we saw was consistent patterns NOT isolated incidents. Bedwetting, soiling his pants, his self-care skills were nonexistent, inappropriate sexual behavior in public, refused to play outside, immature / speaking in baby talk. Then as time moved on he started to play my husband against me. He would start fights with the other kids, he was becoming destructive and verbally aggressive. His workers were suggesting we try different doctors for him. Calling these behaviors a TESTING period - we were constantly reassured this would pass. We got a different diagnosis from almost every doctor we saw. “Generalized anxiety disorder, Depressive disorder, ADHD combined type, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Post Traumatic Syndrome, Co-occurring Mental Health Disorder” —
He was caught with an older neighbor boy down the street doing sexual things to each other, it was reported to the police and the other boy went to juvenile center for 6 months. Then he was caught in the bathroom at school with another older boy giving him oral sex two days in a row – because both these boys were in special ed this was over looked and no charges were filed. We still felt uncomfortable something was not right with him. So we had him committed to a short term mental hospital. In only 14 days they claimed he was rehabilitated and released him back to us. He was home for only a week and he was caught fondling my 10 year old younger son’s genitals while they were playing on the trampoline.
We are now under investigation with CPS and were told we had to remove him from our home a.s.a.p. We again placed him into another mental Hospital but we were told that he could only stay for 30 days and we had to pick him up. We called the CPS worker, the police and the Adoption workers and expressed the need to rescind the adoption “we had enough” --> they told us: We could not rescind on the adoption - (this is what they call a catch 22 – if we bring him back into the home then we are going to be charged with FAILER TO PROTECT and our other 3 children will be removed and placed into foster care)…. If we choose to not pick him up and leave him in the hospital then charges will be brought against My husband and I for ABANDONMENT and our other 3 children will still be removed and placed into foster care…
What did we do wrong? How could we let this happen to our family? I think for us the worst part is he has no concept of what he has done to our family. He has earned himself the label of a Child Perpetrator. We can’t even bring ourselves to tell anyone close to us –
We have determination. What can we do to get him better? We are now going through the grief associated with what’s going to happen to him and his life going forward. I feel like our back is against the wall - Who can we call and where can we go? We had the very best of intentions and only wanted to provided this child with a loving family – My whole world has been turned upside down by this little boy.
We have decided to leave no stone unturned until we can find some kind of the answers…