Hi, Alarna!

First off, you are NOT alone! My 6yr old son has been recently diagnosed with ADHD and its been a struggle trying to maintain a balance with everything else. Like you, I find myself running a little thin at times, almost at the brink of breaking down. But what keeps me from doing so, is the sheer fact that "WE", as the mother and wife, MUST remain level and reinforce the structure, requirements and necessities of a balanced household. It's tough, we both admit.

As for school, for the past 1.5yrs, my son has struggled with behavior. I can relate to your frustrations when you pick-up the phone and it's the school and/or teacher calling to notify you of your child's unacceptable behavior(s). I've found myself running in circles trying to find the answers and/or strategies to why/how/what I can do to help alleviate all of it. But honestly, a child with ADHD is unique and cannot be compared to any other child; therefore, many teachers are found unable to accommodate their need of extra attention, may it be due to a large class size and/or the lack of knowledge on how to enforce an intervention program. As for me, I began to realize that it wasn't that my son was failing in his academics, but the learning techniques and strategies that were not as useful to him due to his unique way of learning and comprehending the material. And like I mentioned earlier, not all teaching techniques/strategies can be equally applied to all children, especially like our sons who endure the struggles of ADHD. On this note, I would ask if his school is capable of creating an intervention program. This will not only reveal the issues that he may have in certain academic areas, but it will allow them to create an appropriate academic structure based upon it. With this, it will allow him to strengthen his weaker areas and excel in others!

And before I go, I want you to know that it is not your son that is failing....it is those that should be there that embed him with knowledge and the equal opportunity to succeed that are! There is no reason that any child should be left behind and/or neglected in regards to their academic excellence. No child learns the same way as another and because of this, expectations of a child can be generally applied without accepting this fact. You'd be surprised what an ADHD child will reveal to you, if only given the right resources and "want" to aid them in doing so!

God Bless,

Rhonda Weaver

I am a parent of a 28 yr-old son who is back living at home again. He's lived here this stint for over 1 year (over 4+ ys. prior). Our wonderful son was diagnosed with ADD (he's the opposite of hyperactive component though) when he was about 7 ys old. Back then, the diagnosis was pretty unprofessional, even with the psychologist and counsellors we paid a lot for to get a real, professional evaluation (one psychologist discounting another psychiatrist's ADHD testing, etc.) . My main reason to finally reach a blog spot where I can actually blog about my ADD son is the I WISH/IF ONLY thoughts that I have now at 61 ys. old. I was so nonconfrontational through the years when my son would not "do the obvious", meaning developing his own thought process/note taking method/whatever the heck it would take method, to just get through life in a "thinking responsively" way. It now is so important to me because it is so late in my son's life now and he doesn't have the where-withal to stand on his own two feet. I feel most of it is my husband and my fault because it was so confusing about "holding him responsible" for his inaction in school (oh yeah, he was on a learning disability curriculum), we did so much to help him, to the point that his teachers asked why I was putting in the majority of the effort regarding son's school performance than my son actually was. I never wanted our son to feel our frustration over his seeming to not even try to remember something, not wanting to write a note for himself as he got older to help him remember. Do you understand where I'm coming from? He gives the least amount of effort on being responsible/wanting to get ahead. It was so confusing on bring up a responsible child that can make it as an adult out in the world when they are diagnosed with ADD. How do you hold them accountable, where is the line re accountability when they have ADD? Now look where my husband, myself and my son are 28 ys. later. Professionals really need to help parents understand how much should my ADHD child be accountable for? How do I instill responsibility in my child so they can make it in this world on their own? We've seen our son do amazing things -- graduate Basic Training in the Army (though he got a general discharge because of pot smoking), living completely on his own in an unfamiliar state for one year, getting a lot of good reviews regarding his work/jobs he has had (he has been fired from a few jobs though). He gives very little effort towards making it on his own. He is now with a really good counsellor who specializes with ADHD clients, but again he is still at home, hanging out mostly with us his parents instead of his own age group, putting out minimal effort towards moving out. I want to give him a move-out deadline, but my husband doesn't because he fears it will push our son over the edge. Oh, why weren't we able to teach our son about responsibility as he was growing up? We were so confused about that blurred ADD line of when is he to be responsible, or when is he not able to follow through on homework, a chore, etc. due to the ADD, and yet how can he still learn the skills necessary to become a responsible adult, etc. Because of all the confusion during my son's learning years, it wreaked havoc in my husband and my marriage. And at 61 and 63 ys. old, my husband and I still have arguments over how and when to hold our son accountable. Parents: Get your professionals to help you with this issue so your situation doesn't turn out like our situation has in what should be our retirement years.