ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
I am 23 years old, and I have made mostly wrong choices until now. I have bad judgement, a very short attention span, poor concentration, and I am impulsive. With drugs, all of this is fixed. But I've only been back on drugs for a week or so (I was on them for two months but became depressed, so I went off of them). I think the reason I became depressed for the first time is the same thing happening now. My eyes are pried open to see all the potential I have and all of the opportunities I have missed in my life.
I was diagnosed with severe ADHD and moderate GAD and social phobia at 21. I felt guilty about taking drugs at first, but at 22 I gave it a try (for ADD drugs). They changed my world. I was the ideal person I could think of for about two months! Then I became depressed. SEVERELY depressed.
My therapist thinks it's because I could see things more clearly. At first I disagreed, but being back on the drugs for a week now, I think she's right.
Off of drugs, I am pretty much all over the place. I can't focus on one thing long enough to really contemplate it or process it. I don't see the path my life has taken clearly enough to feel good or bad!
On drugs, I see how capable I am, how my life didn't have to turn out this way if I had been treated earlier (as a teen) or if I even hadn't stupidly felt afraid to start a treatment plan early on because of guilt.
I just feel guilty because I feel like I deserved better. And I feel somehow responsible for not giving myself what I deserved. I wish I had been brave enough to speak out as a teen! I remember I KNEW something was clearly wrong (I would walk away from friends, or class without even knowing it, I could never focus, etc) I remember I would tell people I thought I had adhd, but I was never brave enough to bring it up with school admin because I knew my family wouldn't be supportive.
I was diagnosed with severe ADHD and moderate GAD and social phobia at 21. I felt guilty about taking drugs at first, but at 22 I gave it a try (for ADD drugs). They changed my world. I was the ideal person I could think of for about two months! Then I became depressed. SEVERELY depressed.
My therapist thinks it's because I could see things more clearly. At first I disagreed, but being back on the drugs for a week now, I think she's right.
Off of drugs, I am pretty much all over the place. I can't focus on one thing long enough to really contemplate it or process it. I don't see the path my life has taken clearly enough to feel good or bad!
On drugs, I see how capable I am, how my life didn't have to turn out this way if I had been treated earlier (as a teen) or if I even hadn't stupidly felt afraid to start a treatment plan early on because of guilt.
I just feel guilty because I feel like I deserved better. And I feel somehow responsible for not giving myself what I deserved. I wish I had been brave enough to speak out as a teen! I remember I KNEW something was clearly wrong (I would walk away from friends, or class without even knowing it, I could never focus, etc) I remember I would tell people I thought I had adhd, but I was never brave enough to bring it up with school admin because I knew my family wouldn't be supportive.
If you can see your own potential, that is seriously half the battle.
I'm a screw up myself. Abusive relationships, tramped around for a long time, got drunk frequently, dropped out of high school, engaged twice, pregnant twice (miscarried from drug use), went to jail and spent a few years seriously addicted to cocaine.
I'm a loser.
I wasted a good deal of my life, and now I feel like a 90 year old.
What's left?
Someone kind of barged themselves in my life, almost like your medication for you, he held kind of a proverbial mirror up to my face, and showed me that I could be better than I'd been. And I tried like hell to push this person out of my life. How dare he come try to tell me who I should be? How I could be? That where I was in life wasn't good enough.
Two years after this person and I became friends, at 23, I moved to a new country and started all over. It's not about all the shitty things I've done, and there's many, it's that I'm fucking remarkable now.
My grad from college is a month an half away. I got diagnosed with an incurable brain condition, and I'm fucking rocking.
I would never go back to those days, because, I'm better than that.
If you know you have the potential, no mater how old you get (I'm turning 26 now, SCARY) you can do anything. It is never too late to start making better choices for yourself. Ever.
But, if you don't deal with all the terrible choices that you've made, it can cripple you. You'll get stuck in this horrid place where you know you need to move on, live up to your potential, and never getting there, because the irrational part of yourself can't fogive the bad choices you've made.
Has anyone ever hurt you, beyond your belief, but you forgave them? You have to do the same for yourself. The best way you can forgive yourself is by moving on. By rocking the world, by taking great care of yourself.
You deserve to be happy. You have to be able to fight off that little voice that tells you that you are nothing more than a loser.
Because you're not, and you know your not. Make your current actions define who you are, not your past ones.
Good luck!
You sound very, very brave. And it sounds like I have to be a lot braver than I intended to or expected to be in order to make it through.
I have to be brave to give up the past, and worry about the choices I'm making today. And I have to be brave to stop blaming myself and to forgive myself for the horrible choices I made that hurt me so horribly, and for not standing up for myself when that's exactly all I needed.
The truth is that no, I haven't forgiven anyone who has cut me so deep. I've walked away, and I've tried to forget all those people. AndI don't regret that. But it turns out I don't have the option to walk away from myself.
I think you're right. Maybe it's time that I make peace with all the choices I've made.
I'm going to make a list. I think I need to know what I'm forgiving myself for.
Hang in there, and if you ever need to talk, I'm around!
I am preparing to return to my old high school soon to accept an award for "Distinguished Alumni" and be keynote speaker. The theme of my speech is "The Most Important Thing (My) High School Did for Me Was Prepare Me to Fail." I've failed a lot. I fail less now, but unfortunately still do. And sometimes when I do, I go big. I look around me and see all that is missing, that I know now is because of the ADHD. Although some damage from my past may never be repaired, I believe that much of it will now that I know myself more and have more of a handle. But there is a lot of regret. And you're right, one of the downsides of having a clear mind is truly appreciating the damage done, and then being forced to stay with it because we're not getting distracted by that next feeling.
Admitting your problem & getting help is a big winner for your life.