ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
Here are some misconceptions I see.
1. The school needs to accomodate your child's needs.
No. Providing constant extensions of deadlines, and relaxing standards teaches little. Some kids need to take their hard knocks early, and learn the lessons needed to be successful at work and in life. You can ask your teacher to help teach skills, and explain consequences but the ADHD child needs to accomodate to school requirements, as an adult will be required to do, not the opposite.
2. The ADHD parent needs to carefully check deadlines and dates so things are done on time.
No. The ADHD parent needs to work on teaching skills. It is your child's job to complete a report on time. Note there are several discrete skills involved with timely completion of work:
A. Inputting information You need a calendar computer tool or other device to input dates and deadlines.
B. Monitoring and Completion You need to check dates on a regular basis and work on completing them.
C. Commitment to Timeliness ADHD people tend to underestimate potential obstacles. Instead if the project is due on the 10th, work to complete it on the 3rd so you can address any potential problems well in advance of the deadline.
3. Punishment Children should not be yelled at or severely punished for their deficiencies. Mild punishment can be needed. Ultimately the child should be told he made a mistake, and work on procedures to improve. That does not mean he is a bad person, and you should tell the child you love him.
1. The school needs to accomodate your child's needs.
No. Providing constant extensions of deadlines, and relaxing standards teaches little. Some kids need to take their hard knocks early, and learn the lessons needed to be successful at work and in life. You can ask your teacher to help teach skills, and explain consequences but the ADHD child needs to accomodate to school requirements, as an adult will be required to do, not the opposite.
2. The ADHD parent needs to carefully check deadlines and dates so things are done on time.
No. The ADHD parent needs to work on teaching skills. It is your child's job to complete a report on time. Note there are several discrete skills involved with timely completion of work:
A. Inputting information You need a calendar computer tool or other device to input dates and deadlines.
B. Monitoring and Completion You need to check dates on a regular basis and work on completing them.
C. Commitment to Timeliness ADHD people tend to underestimate potential obstacles. Instead if the project is due on the 10th, work to complete it on the 3rd so you can address any potential problems well in advance of the deadline.
3. Punishment Children should not be yelled at or severely punished for their deficiencies. Mild punishment can be needed. Ultimately the child should be told he made a mistake, and work on procedures to improve. That does not mean he is a bad person, and you should tell the child you love him.
If a someone needs a crutch for their broken leg, until that leg heals, they are going need it.
If a child is forced to do something before they are able to do it , I believe it can cause a negative effect on their self-esteem. Which happened in my son's case who wasn't diagnosed until he was in High School and was expected to do work like a student without ADHD.
Having expressed this, I do agree that they need to be taught the coping skills. but the reality is that for most kids who have ADHD, they usually learn this when they are in college because they are more mature. And then again, there are some who never do even as adults.
As one who has been there, I am not setting the tasks are easy, but they have to be learned, with explanation and love, but with some firmness commensurate with their importance.