ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
Hi. My oldest son has ADD without hyperactivity, and he is 30 years old. I love him and he has a wonderful heart, always trying to serve others.... but taking very little care of himself. I have leukemia, and, though I am not dieing at all, this situation increases my anxiety about my son.
By the time being he doesnt seem to be interested in anything in life except others service, but not in a healthy way for himself. He is still studying at the university his degree in business (he pays for it), and I see no interest at all on it. He sells different products and makes his money to pay for his stuff. He lives with me and he couldnt afford living on his own, though he helps with home expenses. He doesnt have any girlfriend eventhough he is a handsome guy. He seems to have a total lack of inner motivation, except when it comes to help me or help others...which I think is good up to a certain point....but NOT at HIS point. He does errands for all family members; takes grandpa where he needs.... I sometimes beleive this is an excuse to take charge of his life. His self esteem is low, he doesnt care about his outfits, his car is usually dirty and in bad state... not necessarily due to lack of money.
I feel sad, because I dont know how long I will live (I am waiting for a BMT) and I want to see him happy, with a wife, with children, with a life of his own. I am scare that If I pass he wont have family of his own to hold to, emotionally, and he will probably feel extremely lonely. But I dont know what to do since he is old enough. When he was I child I did whatever was possible, but nothing seemed to help. Medication seems not possible for him since he had some adverse reactions.
Any advice, for my peace of mind, is welcomed.
By the time being he doesnt seem to be interested in anything in life except others service, but not in a healthy way for himself. He is still studying at the university his degree in business (he pays for it), and I see no interest at all on it. He sells different products and makes his money to pay for his stuff. He lives with me and he couldnt afford living on his own, though he helps with home expenses. He doesnt have any girlfriend eventhough he is a handsome guy. He seems to have a total lack of inner motivation, except when it comes to help me or help others...which I think is good up to a certain point....but NOT at HIS point. He does errands for all family members; takes grandpa where he needs.... I sometimes beleive this is an excuse to take charge of his life. His self esteem is low, he doesnt care about his outfits, his car is usually dirty and in bad state... not necessarily due to lack of money.
I feel sad, because I dont know how long I will live (I am waiting for a BMT) and I want to see him happy, with a wife, with children, with a life of his own. I am scare that If I pass he wont have family of his own to hold to, emotionally, and he will probably feel extremely lonely. But I dont know what to do since he is old enough. When he was I child I did whatever was possible, but nothing seemed to help. Medication seems not possible for him since he had some adverse reactions.
Any advice, for my peace of mind, is welcomed.
I wish I had more advice or words of wisdom, but I know that most of those things that I described above happen without my awareness. Having a dirty car or wrinkled clothing doesn't affect me in the same way it does others (such as my very caring but very Type-A mother!).
One of the toughest thing about having ADHD for me is that I want to create my own path, meaning it's really tough for me to take the advice of others! However, I also severely struggle with follow-through of my big goals. It sounds like he enjoys helping others as an outlet for his strengths. If he could begin to understand the ways in which he enjoys helping others (i.e. elderly, children, helping others be productive, etc.) he may be able to start finding volunteer opportunities. It sounds like me may do wonderfully in a care facility. But, I know how extremely difficult it is to get up the motivation to follow through with big thoughts and ideas, so that may not be the path for him.
Did your son try a variety of medication? I haven't started yet, but in my research see there are different options with different side-effects and outcomes.
You sound like such a caring, concerned mother who wants the best for your son. I feel as if the only peace of mind I can give is that often the ADHD mind works to the beat of its own drum - not everything that seems sad or frustrating about our lives is - but I know that if he can begin to find a direction for his motivation he can increase his self-esteem and discover traits he never knew were there.