ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
I'm not sure where to turn, I am not even sure what to say anymore. I feel, that maybe I am driving my doctor insane...searching for something impossible...or non-existent. Yet, my doctor seems to be the only person I have to turn to lately. So, I feel trapped, in a box...a small box. Everywhere I turn, I hit a wall. Many, many years ago, when I struggled with depression, (or rather, when I had just overcome it) I swore I would never utter a phrase like this again, and mean it. Yet...here I am...really struggling with the urge to giveup. I want anyone taking the time to read, to understand..this is all new for me. All the feelings. Feeling them, not feeling them...being able to know what they are even. All so new. In fact, until recently, when I was diagnosed as an adult with ADHD, everything was ok. I didn't have these feelings. Because feeling...clouded....dumb...inadequate...the way I felt all my life...it was MY normal. And I simply believed it was who I was, and there was no better to come. So I lived, and I coped with it. Then my new doc diagnosed me with ADHD, almost by mistake. And started me on meds, that quiet simply stopped the room from spinning, and turned on the lights. Wiped off that layer of fog on the window. And for 4 glorious weeks, I lived life. I mean truly lived life. I sat, beside my 5 year old, and did his homework, without NEEDING to move 35 seconds into it. (The way he looked at me...I will never forget!! As if he finally believed his mommy was interested inwhat he did). It broke my heart...and filled it, at the same time. Things, just simply slowed down....enough that I understood things around me. If that makes sense. On a relatively low dose of concerta. But then my SVT started doing double time, as my doseage need went up. So, while waiting for a catheter ablation, my doc pulled me off Concerta.
Months later, I have had my heart procedure. The cardiologist zapped an extra vein they found in my heart...And my doc felt comfortable placing me back on adhd medication. Trouble is, Concerta...it had almost zero effect on me anymore?? So we tried...well many other avenues so far.
I'm rambling....and I am not even sure anyone is listening. I have tried a few other options since. Nothing clears away the cobwebs and foggy thoughts like I first felt, when Concerta started to change my life. So now, more than ever....I feel closed in. Alone. Confined within my own thoughts. And I wonder if anything else could ever help me? Was I simply dreaming, things feeling as clear as they did with Concerta? Did I make it up? Imagine it? Now that I know, how it feels to actually be clear headed...feeling so foggy is SO damn hard.
Am I a lost cause...where do I turn?
I feel hopeless
Months later, I have had my heart procedure. The cardiologist zapped an extra vein they found in my heart...And my doc felt comfortable placing me back on adhd medication. Trouble is, Concerta...it had almost zero effect on me anymore?? So we tried...well many other avenues so far.
I'm rambling....and I am not even sure anyone is listening. I have tried a few other options since. Nothing clears away the cobwebs and foggy thoughts like I first felt, when Concerta started to change my life. So now, more than ever....I feel closed in. Alone. Confined within my own thoughts. And I wonder if anything else could ever help me? Was I simply dreaming, things feeling as clear as they did with Concerta? Did I make it up? Imagine it? Now that I know, how it feels to actually be clear headed...feeling so foggy is SO damn hard.
Am I a lost cause...where do I turn?
I feel hopeless
ADHD can effect people in many impairing ways. The meds can be life altering!
Does your child have it too? If not , count your blessings there.
Have you tried CBT? Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It helps many with ADHD.
I am in Canada too. You can get good CBT help here. I know NL may not have as many places to access but you should get yourself to some type of therapist, psychologist and then go from there.
My husband and both kids have degrees of ADHD. Anti depressant meds can help with it too. Not as well as concerta etc but you would benefit from a depression med and the secondary effect can help with the ADHD symptoms.
ADHD is now under the autism spectrum and a different type of med that is outside the normal med may work for you. You need excellent help. Not just an average doctor. Get yourself connected the large hospital in St John's/ Do they have a mental health unit? You need good help from experts in this area. A psychiatrist is a good option. They are the pros on mental health meds. I would go that route and find out what else you can take.
Good luck!
Please let me apologize first, for not replying sooner. I am not quite sure what I have done, to my settings...but for months, I thought my presence on this site was a waste of time. Ironically, making the few posts I did, made me feel worse than I had before...but only because I failed to see any replies, save one. And when I replied to her, I 'never heard another word'. Turns out I was wrong on all accounts. Yesterday, I was feeling particularly lost and signed in again. To my astonishment, I found 2 replies to this post...and a few kind supportive and amazing messages in my messages.
So, let me start anew. Brooke thank you so very much for taking the time to 'ramble' ;). It means so very much to read a story, of someone like me, and suddenly I do not feel so alone.
I can truly appreciate your story and your struggle. While currently undiagnosed for now, I believe my now 6 year old son has ADHD as well. My husband is pretty open, and generally a very kind and loving man, However, when my son struggled through Kindergarten last year, my husband started in with 'You aren't TRYING J!" and "Just focus" or "stop screwing around and pat attention". J was halfway through French immersion Kindergarten when I was diagnosed. Suddenly, (for the short time I was on a working med) the words coming out of my husbands mouth struck a very painful chord. His words burned me, as I had heard the same words, from SO many, all growing up. But never against my own child....I saw red, and struggled to cope. My son, he did ok the first year...though I know he struggled. I waited, and watched, and sent his teacher a private email, though it was hard, informing her of my recent discovery and diagnosis. He is VERY quite and shy in class, never speaking out. Which made me wonder...if he was ok afterall. But then, I was the same way. When my teachers spoke to me, before grade 3, instead of answering I cried, or twice actually wet myself :o. I struggled....but internalized my pain....
J is halfway through grade one now...Still quiet and still struggling. two weeks before Christmas, his father and I had our first huge fight. (I'm not a fighter, not a yeller...I dislike conflict of any sort, due to an angry stepmother in my childhood who did not cope well with stress. Anyhow...my J was struggling with homework as usual, but my husband kept pushing him for not memorizing the damn French story words. My husband, uttered the words, angrily. Something to the effect of:" you aren't even trying, just focus damnit, stop screwing around and just do the damn work. LISTEN to me!". I don't remember all the words, but they were awful, and mean...and made me very angry, which never happens. I calmly (but shakily) took my son from the room, hugged him, and finished his homework with him, reassuring and helping when he needed it. My husband, (maybe wrong of me, in hindsight) was later dealt with. I made damn sure my husband knew that he had just found a roundabout way to call our then 5 year old stupid. I made sure he knew about the tears he put in both our eyes at that moment, and how those words made me feel...thirty years after they were said to me.
Anyhow...Now I rambling! We've reached an uneasy truth. Neither of us sure of our sons diagnoses, him less willing to accept it.
As for me...concerta worked for me, so well at first.....but inexplicably, after my heart ablation the same dose did nothing for me. I am now trying Adderall. The extended release. (Ritalin did little for me.) Finally, at a dose of 45mg extended release, with a 10mg Ritalin around 2pm...I feel like things are a little more clear. Nothing to the extent of the concerta at first, but it helps. I sat, for 25 mins over Christmas break, and built leggo with my son!!! I am hoping that means something to anyone but me lol. But for me to sit still for longer than 8-10 mins, without thinking about something that needs to be done? It was HUGE. And I cried.
I thank you...for taking the time to reply. You have helped give my heart hope.
I would love to chat more, if you are up for it. Love to know how you are doing since your message!
xo
Thank you, for your post and your message! Which post of yours did you mean, when you mentioned to read one?
I am fairly certain the level of CBT is low here in Newfoundland...but, I am not sure. So I will look into it!
As you may see from above, I am fairly certain my son will follow on my path. He is currently in grade one French immersion and struggling. My spouse and I have frequent disagreements about letting him go purely English. ....
For your son. It is best to get him assessed by a psychologist. He may have a learning disability as well. If you push it the school will do it. But it is more thorough if you pay for someone to do it. Both of my boys have some sort of learning disability. I think we all do anyway. This does get better as they get older. Mine are doing great now and no meds.
Your son probably needs a SERT team to help him. Start talking to them at the school. Try and get an IEP done on him. If he has a learning disability they have to do the IEP for him. There is a ton of power in the IEP. The serts will teach him and you to cope with these issues and strategies for dealing with the ADHD symptoms and being able to be successful in school. My younger child has a very high IQ but the ADHD symptoms get in the way and he has a LD as well. You need to know what is affecting him. They can do an IEP if he has only ADHD characteristics . You just have to be pushy.
Always advocate for him. I cant remember how french immersion works and if they have support/SERT teams in those programs. An IEP will be life changing for him. You need to get that done. He may do better in french immersion when he is older. Focus on setting him up for success, whatever that looks like. he may need meds to help him but he may not once the school makes accommodations for him after an IEP is done. It makes a huge difference. my older one was quiet too and would stare off a lot/zone out in school in grade one. We got him assessed right away and that turned everything around for him. I cant stress how important it is to do that for your son.
Get yourself good help and talk to someone about a depression med instead if all the ADHD meds dont work well.. The depression meds can work on an ADHD brain as well. Just keep trying different ones. Something will work. Find out who does CBT near you. many therapists do it. it is very common.
This is all a worry but it will get better!