Maybe your husband needs testing to see what it is he has. It may very well be ADD but my ADHD hubby had his extra marital affairs when he was young before we met. Now it would never happen. He is totally commited to the family and what it takes. he is just a nuisance.

The jobs problem might be caused by ADD, not the extra marital affair...

With ADD he might be distracted, having an hard time completing a project that involves many steps, get discouraged at the amount of things he has to do, forget tasks, having social problems (not knowing when to speak, when not to, understanding an underlying meaning, etc.)


But he sure would not be confused up to the point of mistaking an other woman for his wife, or not reading throught the social implications of a kiss...

All in all, I often say that ADD is the reason why, the explanation of a trouble, and not an excuse. No matter what someone do when having ADD, they should be held liable for.

If I make something incorrect because of ADD, I won't say, this is all because of ADD, I'll say I'm sorry, and I'll try better next time...

ADD should never be an excuse.
There are things we are able to do, others that we have an hard time with.
Trying to do a complicate job is good for ADHDers. ADDers will perform better in a job that is pretty simple (some people would say boring)... I chose translation, but I did well as a cashier too. If there is lots of paperwork to do, lots of differents actions to pose, lots of things to think about doing, it's more likely that we will forget something...


Good luck to you and your husband!

I have a similar situation to yours in that my husband believes he has ADD but was never diagnosed and also had an affair. I don't believe you can excuse his infidelity based on the fact that he believess or even does have ADHD. I wanted to use this excuse too but found after talking with professionals that you can not allow yourself to accept that an an excuse for his behavior. Feel free to write me any time as it sounds like we have a lot in oommon.
Blessings
Sue

With ADD, any, some, or none of these results could implicate it as a cause. That's just how little is known about this condition. However, folks who have ADD are known to engage in the behaviors you describe.

Two things I recommend:
1) Get tested. Don't rely on our opinions posted here to confirm your suspicions. That's like leaving the fox to guard the hen house.
2) Be completely transparent with him when addressing the issue. If you joined DS to gather strength for your argument that he needs to be tested to "fix" him, it will backfire. Not saying that you did, but just airing some possible sincere, but misguided, motivations.

If he thinks ADD is an issue, have him visit WebMD. There's a brief questionnaire that asks him about certain behaviors he may or may not exhibit. It's a good starting point.

Good luck.

Hi, I can relate to what you are going through. Except that as far as I know my husband has not cheated on me yet. He has had ADD since he was a child, and has always had problems at work. In his mind, all his bosses are against him and think little of him. My husband also has a 4-year degree, but it has not helped him in any way, because his low self-esteem and pessimism is always stronger than his intellectual capabilities. He is now taking prescription drugs for his ADD and it has helped him a lot at work, however, he has became very angry, and verbally aggressive since he started the medications. He has changed from one med to another and has not figured out what works better with less side effects. With all his childhood problems and his ADD, he has not been a good father and a husband, and I am not sure about our future together. ADD comes with a lot of other things such as anxiety, and depression (low self-esteem). The worse thing is that my son has also been diagnosed with ADD. Hang in there! we are not alone!