Hello, I also have ADD and I'm kind of the same way. I am also very much go with the flow kind of person. I think early on in my childhood this go with the flow kind of thinking has been a coping strategy for the disorder.

I do VERY MUCH struggle with the exact same issue with my fiance. She has OCD and very strong insomnia. She was the one to point out that I have ADD within two weeks of us being together. She is very much in tune with all of the issues I was struggling with.

A lot of the struggles and conflict my fiance and I have around my easy going nature tend to be about the rules and discipline for my children. Because of this, It is extremely hard to hear something that you may be doing wrong when you see that thing you may be doing wrong as one of his best qualities.

I know I have also thought that my easy'going'ness was more helpful than hurtful, but that is not always the case. In my past failed marriage (before I knew I had ADD) I would not stand up to someone who hurt her because I was to easy going about it. I didnt want to cause more conflict. This is the Wrong way of thinking. But just because it is wrong doesnt make it wrong in his brain. It is an extreme struggle to get out of your own way and do the right thing. The reason he may be getting angry is because what he thinks he is doing is not wrong. He is stuck in his thinking and it takes time for him to come around or really see the true issue here. He is upset about X, and you are saying things need to be this way because of Y. You two may think you are talking about the same thing but you may not be. That is my classic struggle. Here is an example

We have a code word. "The coke incident" This is the "code word" my fiance and I use when I get "stuck" in my thinking when Im trying to help. (or my head stuck up my back side..(she uses a different word ;) ) The issue happen when her daughter spilt coke all over the floor when she was in the shower. I then told her, its not the end of the world it is just a small spill. The issue here is that I was trying to be helpful about how small the issue is. When in reality She was upset and frustrated that it happened. Its not that it was hard to clean up it was that it happened at all. It happened and it happens all the time. My easy going ness was to dismiss the real issue and not support her in the way she needed supporting.

Here is another analogy. She was asking for help to bail water out of a sinking boat and I said "Of Course I will help. Here is a spoon." When she needed was a bucket.

This has been a bit of a long reply but I hope it is helpful. I see the issue from both sides. I get affected by this type of stuff on a weekly basis and it is hard to get out of your own way and admit defeat. For me it takes time to cool down and really see what is going on in the background.

Hi, I have adhd and i am a very flexible, spontaneous, go with the flow person... If i really think about why this is... it comes down to 2 things: 1. the fact that i am terrible at planning, to the point that i find it near impossible and can actually organise just about anything much better on the spur of the moment, than i can if i try to plan it for a month. With planning comes making decisions, which is difficult. With making decisions in advance comes time to ruminate about them. With time to ruminate comes anxiety. With anxiety comes dread. And when i dread something i bail. The second reason is that i have this kind of inner restlessness where i always just want to "do something" except when i say "something" what i actually mean is something new and exciting. And although new and exciting things don't happen all the time, going with the flow leaves open the possibility of something new and exciting happening... and just having that POSSIBILITY will sometimes satisfy my craving for excitement in an otherwise rather ordinary situation. Its only recently that i have realised that most people are the opposite to this and my way of thinking is frustrating for them. Not very helpful in how to handle it.. but i hope it helps you to maybe understand the other perspective.

I think that "going with the flow," for me, is a coping strategy to deal with the fact I struggle with making plans and staying organized. It is much safer and easier for me to not commit to something, then to plan for it, forget about it, get distracted from it, lose it or whatever. This is sad, but this is a real struggle. Both me and my fiance have ADHD/ADD and we are the worst with making plans, so much so, we have been engaged for going on 3 years. Not because we desired a long engagement, but because we both struggle with fine details, planning, and organization all of which are needed for a successful wedding. We have decided to do a small elopement with minimal planning, but I digress. To help answer your question, communication and compromise and maybe ever deadlines. It may sound like nagging, but me and my fiance have to constantly "remind" each other of events that are coming up or things that need to get done. We will usually pick a date to make a final decision of something. For example, if we need to plan out what to do for Thanksgiving, we will agree on a date to come together again later in the day, week, month or whatever, to make a decision. Hopefully we are both thinking about it and will come to an agreement by the designated time. I say this because ADHD/ADD people need deadlines, even if we hate them. We thrive under pressure and work better in small windows of time, then through long bouts. If you are a planning type and need to work through the details, make a list of what needs to be discussed, planned, or what have you then set a timer. So if you need to make menu for the week and struggle with keeping your husband on track, set a time for 10 minutes and tell him that these minutes are dedicated to the topic of menu planning, but when the timer goes off, his mind will be allowed to wander. This again allows for a small window of time to focus all his energy on the topic at hand. This is also helpful with chores. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just see how much you can get done before it goes off, like a game or race against the clock. ADHD/ADD people NEED stimulation or else you've lost us and we're already thinking about 50 other things that have nothing do with the current situation. Hope this was at least a tiny bit helpful.