ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
My almost 6 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD this school year and is currently on Concerta 18 MG. He is like Dr Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde..I never know what his moods are going to be. His dad is just like that which is why we are divorced. He can be so good and then the moment something doesn't go his way he is having an all out temper-tantrum, throwing things..things that are way to heavy for most 6 year olds...it's worse in the evenings when his meds wear off. He is so obnoxious too. Early in the mornings before his meds kick in and later in the evenings. Calling names and just being downright hateful. This same child can be the most loving little thing you have ever seen. I am trying to be patient and understand that it's just his condition but when he has these fits I get so angry at him. He throws things and hits and kicks and doesn't care who gets in his way. He threw a shoe at his sister last night because he was playing on the computer and after he had been on it awhile I told him it was her turn. It's not ok to hurt his sister no matter what. I have tried every kind of punishment with him but it just doesn't work..he is so hard headed. I get so mad at him when he acts this way because I am so afraid that he is going to hurt himself or someone else and often times he has. I am trying to do this by myself with no help from his dad..his only suggestion was "put him on medicine". He doesn't do anything to help me. I love my son very much but some days I don't like him. I feel horrible about that too.Sometimes I feel so strongly about just putting him in the car..driving him to his dad's and saying "here..you deal with it!!!!" And then I feel like a horrible mom for wanting to do that. Then when I get angry at him...last night I screamed at him and told him to go to his room and don't come out...he stayed in there and screamed himself to sleep...and then I felt horrible afterwards knowing I could have handled it differently but then not knowing what to do to handle it differently. If you try to be nice to him when he has his fits he just runs away screaming to leave him alone...so that's what I did..but I told him he couldn't come out. I don't know what to do...I want to love my son..I just want him to be normal..I can handle kids being bad once in awhile...I raised 4...but he is impossible to deal with. I don't know if it's because I am so much older this time around...I am 43...or if he really is worse than I have ever dealt with. My oldest son was a handful when he was young but by the time he started school he outgrew it and was and still is an honor roll student. My littlest son is way beyond being a handful. He didn't even know his colors or ABC's till he started on the meds....which is helping alot..he is having more good days then bad at school now. But the evenings are killing me. I dread when it's time for him to come home...and I hate that I feel that way...I am a terrible person! My 10 yr old daughter has ADD..but hers is a focus issue..not behaviour...she is on Straterra. She doesn't act this way..except she does scream at her brother when he gets into her stuff...but that to me is normal sibling rivalry. I would give anything for normalcy with Stephen..the youngest. Poor kid even has Asthma and has to be on a whole drug store full of meds because of that too. He has been hospitalized several times because of it. Why did he have to have all the bad stuff happen to him???
rockym
Hi, welcome to the group. It is rather unfortunate for one child to have so many issues, I think a lot of us here can relate to that as well as not liking our kids at times. have you and your son gone to therapy to work on the issues? Are you making time for yourself? I have found that these two thins are very important when dealing with kids like ours.
mommy24inGa
I haven't gone to therapy but after reading all the posts today I am thinking it may be a good idea. My kid's dad is suppose to get them every other weekend so I do get a break when he gets them...but here lately he doesn't want to get them and I believe that it is because he and his new wife do not want to deal with Stephen. He is going to get them Thursday because they have the day off school and he will have no choice to but to keep them because I am going to the NC mountains on a ladies retreat this weekend...something I have been looking forward to for 6 months! I really need it.
rockym
That ladies retreat sounds like fun! I think you will find therapy very beneficial. For me, the psychologist and therapist we worked with didn't get through to my son very much, but I learned a lot about my son and how to parent him in a different way which did help my son to get better. Even when my son started to refuse to go to therapy, I continued to go on my own. It really helped me get rid of my anxiety, that and the parenting class. Have a great time at your retreat.
neilster
This is the second post in a row blaming the father for lack of attention in dealing with a problem like an adult. It is what my father did to me. The ADD I believe is a symptom of needing attention. Your sons will never get it from their father - you should really work on them getting it from someone else, or developing interests to channel their energies. I was a genius when i was applying myself with support from my mother, but i turned into a violent crazy kid whenever my dad would step in, step on my dreams and ego, and then leave my mom to deal with the mess he made of me. He STILL does it and i still go to my mom, but at this point as an adult it no longer effects me but lord looking back he was the cause of a lot - if not all - of my attention problems. You can't stick with the program when you don't think you have what it takes to be 'normal' because when you are normal your own father rips you to shreds or ignores you outright, or ignores you too often, or is not consistent. These are just my ideas but i've been through more than enough therapy and i've been friends with more than enough criminals and the one thing we all have in common is a feeling we were completely disrespected by our fathers and made to feel unimportant in the world by them. Rather than encouraging us by telling us we were special, they'd slam us down by telling us we were just like everybody else - or worse. We're all hyperactive nutcases looking for trouble unless we're completely engrossed in whatever we do. But take it away, give us boredom for a few days or more, and invariably we end up finding trouble in some way, shape, or form. We cannot sit still.
mommy24inGa
Neil I am so sorry your father did this to you. I don't understand why so many men find it hard to deal with these kinds of issues. I have said it so many times that if Stephen's dad would just spend some time with him...take him fishing, play ball, anything..I think he would be a totally different kid. My oldest son went through a somewhat similiar situation in that his dad ( my first husband) was "in the wrong place at the wrong time" and got into trouble and got sent to jail when my oldest was 2...then when he turned 4 my husband was diagnosed with cancer...a brain tumor..and instead of spending as much time with the kids as he could (we divorced while he was in jail before I even knew he had cancer) he shoved them away...I know he had his reasons..but it hurt them..my son esp so much...then he died when my son was 11. My son went through so much anger and rage but then he enrolled in ROTC at age 13 and it really turned him around. But now I see these same anger issues coming out in Stephen. And I know it's has alot to do with not having his father (my second husband) give a crap about him enough to spend some time with him. He doesn't want to deal with him. When he calls to check on the kids he will talk to Nikki..but not Stephen unless I force it. But he always asks to talk to Nikki...never Stephen. I wish I could meet someone who would take up time with Stephen but I have pretty much given up dating when 2 years ago a man I was dating said he just couldn't handle my son's high strung personality. Everyone perceives Stephen as this little bratt that I don't discipline...which is crazy considering that I have 3 other kids who are very well behaved. If I was such a terrible parent all my kids would be bratts. I have had so many people tell me that I have the most well behaved and polite teenagers they have ever seen. So it can't be my parenting skills. But people often say that I don't discipline him...how would they know??? They are not in my house! Anyways sorry..I didn't mean to rant and rave..just reiterating on what you said. I wish I could blink and Stephen be 13 and could go into ROTC but then I would miss some wonderful years with him. I wish I had someone to at least be a mentor to Stephen...but no one wants to do that with him. Everyone always wants to spend time with my oldest son..but never my youngest. Anyway it is what it is and I have to play both mom and dad most of the time and give him the best love, attention, and discipline I can...then go into my room and cry the fustrations out after he goes to bed.
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