ADHD / ADD Support Group
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and attention deficit disorder (ADD) are more common than you might think. It is a syndrome that exhibits symptoms such as hyperactivity, forgetfulness, mood shifts, poor impulse control, and distractibility. Join others who suffer from these conditions and share your experiences.
Hi all, my name is Holly and I'm brand new to this forum - apologies in advance for the long post. My son will be 9 this month and was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 4. I work in children's mental health and ADHD runs in his father's side of the family, hence the early diagnosis.
My son has so many strengths and positive qualities - humour, intelligence, he is kind, caring, empathetic, athletic and very charismatic to name a few. He also, however, struggles with many, many things. His biggest struggles historically include emotional regulation, taking responsibility for his actions, (he almost always puts the blame on whomever else is involved), and impulsivity.
I am sad to say that most recently, (within the past school year), self confidence and social skills have become a struggle for him as well. I know this is due mainly to the fact that he functions socially/emotionally at about a 5 year old level and the other kids in his class are at an age where they see these differences, many of his friends from last year distanced themselves and he took notice immediately. It hasn't helped that his teacher this year was basically useless, did not use any of the resources I provided, (and believe me I provided many), and apparently fails to recognize any of his strengths while focusing on the negative behaviours and areas where he is lagging. This has completely destroyed any sense of confidence he had prior and he tells me, almost daily, that he thinks he's a bad kid. It breaks my heart.
We've done an extensive amount of work in order to develop appropriate coping skills and ways for him to regulate his emotions and he honestly has come so, so far, a fact that I could not be more proud of! Andy we will absolutely continue to attend programs and see counsellors in order to continue to increase his skills and functioning.
Anyways, we started medication about 2 months ago as the struggles at school become insurmountable and it has helped quite a lot. We started out with Biphenten, however, he was an emotional wreck at the end of every day, basically melting down into a crying puddle of emotions on the floor so we moved on to 18mg of Concerta. The switch was helpful, although in about 6 weeks of using this med, he has had 3 MAJOR aggressive outbursts, also at the end of the day and all targeted at me, (thank goodness), we go to the pediatrician tomorrow to follow up and discuss the medication. Another factor that complicates the matter further is that he is starting to go through puberty, (joy of joys), which could be another cause of the increased aggression - something I plan on discussing at length with the Dr.
Lately my biggest concern is that when he does have a melt down, he will state that he is just going to kill himself. My partner feels he is saying this to 1) get a reaction out of me and 2) play on my emotions, which may very well be true, however, my mental health training and professional experience will not allow me to ignore these statements.
What I am hoping to get from joining this forum is some feedback around medications/side effects that you all have tried and any advice about the "I'm going to kill myself" statements. Obviously I will also be talking with the pediatrician about this tomorrow as well, but figured it was time to join a community of other people experiencing similar issues - knowing you're not alone is always helpful, and despite my education and training, it is so very different when it comes to your own child. Any and all advice, personal experiences or words of wisdom would be so, so appreciated.
Thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy post, I look forward to hearing from and getting to know you.
~Holly
My son has so many strengths and positive qualities - humour, intelligence, he is kind, caring, empathetic, athletic and very charismatic to name a few. He also, however, struggles with many, many things. His biggest struggles historically include emotional regulation, taking responsibility for his actions, (he almost always puts the blame on whomever else is involved), and impulsivity.
I am sad to say that most recently, (within the past school year), self confidence and social skills have become a struggle for him as well. I know this is due mainly to the fact that he functions socially/emotionally at about a 5 year old level and the other kids in his class are at an age where they see these differences, many of his friends from last year distanced themselves and he took notice immediately. It hasn't helped that his teacher this year was basically useless, did not use any of the resources I provided, (and believe me I provided many), and apparently fails to recognize any of his strengths while focusing on the negative behaviours and areas where he is lagging. This has completely destroyed any sense of confidence he had prior and he tells me, almost daily, that he thinks he's a bad kid. It breaks my heart.
We've done an extensive amount of work in order to develop appropriate coping skills and ways for him to regulate his emotions and he honestly has come so, so far, a fact that I could not be more proud of! Andy we will absolutely continue to attend programs and see counsellors in order to continue to increase his skills and functioning.
Anyways, we started medication about 2 months ago as the struggles at school become insurmountable and it has helped quite a lot. We started out with Biphenten, however, he was an emotional wreck at the end of every day, basically melting down into a crying puddle of emotions on the floor so we moved on to 18mg of Concerta. The switch was helpful, although in about 6 weeks of using this med, he has had 3 MAJOR aggressive outbursts, also at the end of the day and all targeted at me, (thank goodness), we go to the pediatrician tomorrow to follow up and discuss the medication. Another factor that complicates the matter further is that he is starting to go through puberty, (joy of joys), which could be another cause of the increased aggression - something I plan on discussing at length with the Dr.
Lately my biggest concern is that when he does have a melt down, he will state that he is just going to kill himself. My partner feels he is saying this to 1) get a reaction out of me and 2) play on my emotions, which may very well be true, however, my mental health training and professional experience will not allow me to ignore these statements.
What I am hoping to get from joining this forum is some feedback around medications/side effects that you all have tried and any advice about the "I'm going to kill myself" statements. Obviously I will also be talking with the pediatrician about this tomorrow as well, but figured it was time to join a community of other people experiencing similar issues - knowing you're not alone is always helpful, and despite my education and training, it is so very different when it comes to your own child. Any and all advice, personal experiences or words of wisdom would be so, so appreciated.
Thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy post, I look forward to hearing from and getting to know you.
~Holly
I wouldnt ignore the kill my self comment either but I bet it is coming from extreme frustration and ADHD kids have very poor frustration tolerance.
You are doing all the right things. I also worked in special ed and worked with lots of ADHD kids.
My boys didnt take the meds but i know what a huge difference they can make. I might try another one. I think you can get to one that doesnt make him feel so emotionally wrought or aggressive. The dosage may need to be lowered as well. the stimulant type he is on tend to be that way. try the non stimulant type maybe, like adderall but get the dose lowered first.
We used a lot of CBT with our boys and tons of positive reinforcment. my boys were both OK socially but I get the immaturity part, my younger one is more emotionally immature too. But he is gifted at the same time so he appears intellectually way ahead. So he didnt have too many social issues from the ADHD symptoms. It is hard to see them not having many friends. This will get better as he gets older.
Maturity helps with this issue a lot! Hang in there! It will get better.
Use the special ed team at the school for support. Even if he doesnt have an IEP, you can still get him one. They will do it from a behavioural point of view instead. I used to request teachers for my kids. I had a great relationship with the SERTS at the school. they were the key to my kids success. You need them when dealing with the teachers as well but you need the IEP first.
Have you had a full assessment done? He could have an LD as well.
I hope this helps. get him assessed if you have not done that. there is power in that and then you can get an IEP for him. then the SERT team will give him more support. The teachers work harder at helping when your kid has an IEP.