Julie,

Getting back into a new normal routine can seem daunting especially when faced with so many bad outcomes from cancer in one day. But toy should never ever feel guilty that you are alive and thriving. For reasons we may not know this side of heaven, almighty God healed you and allowed you the blessing of raising you daughters.

God's ways are not our ways. When I brag on God and tell others how blessed I've been throughout my AML journey I always caveat my conments with the fact that I am not special. I do not know or understand why my AML journey had been an easy one.

People can take survivor stories as bragging which I find sad. I am inspired when I hear these stories. Also, many do not want to hear that struggles of any sort but especially those that threaten our very lives draw us closer to God.No, I do no believe God gives us cancer but I do believe that God's will is perfect.

Please don't feel guilty for beating AML, rejoice! You have a perspective that very few have. Love on those girls like I know you will and try to cherish every moment. That is what I try (and often fail to do) live in the moment and remember what it felt like to be desperate to live. Remember when tomorrow was not so sure and rejoice.

You are always in my prayers

Blessings
Julie

Hi Julie,

Thanks for putting everything in such a positive perspective. I think it was an overload of bad news in one day. I just need to process everything. I'm always praying for you.

Julie

Julie (and Julie) -- I could not agree more. As a 5.5 year survivor I can still remember the apprehension I had of getting back into it. But to have so many things hit you all on your first day -- that has got to be a real trial. But look at it this way -- you now have all of that behind you and while you will not forget it, its effect on you will lessen and you will get back into the grind again ... and you will be better for it. The bible says time and chance happens to us all. I do not think any of us as survivors can feel special. But there is no doubt that we have a LOT to be thankful for and we should thank God that we are among the lucky. Then we need to take our experiences and help as many people as we can. The cancer web site estimates nearly half of all people will get some type of cancer during their lifetime -- so we have our work cut out for us. Thanks for bringing your experience here -- it is a major step in helping victims and survivors alike -- daveB

Never feel guilty about surviving. It is a wonderful thing, and we all went through an incredible ordeal to make it back to health. I am now over 4 years as a post BMT survivor. Our job is to let those going through treatment that there is hope and that they can beat AML. Our survival is a testament to that.

Cliff

Julie,

What I have come to see, especially as my journey is taking its own course again, is that satan will look for any opportunity to snuff the joy out of your day. It was no mere coincidence that so much hit you when you were being brave and saying that I am going to return to normal and what I experienced is not going to dictate my life. I find the more on path we are for what God has lined up for us, the more attacks we face. I deal with survivor's guilt a lot among other things. We must identify and put down these negative emotions, before they control and ruin our days. But, you are not alone in what you face. I will pray that your days continue to grow brighter as you make steps forward.

Andy

Andy,

So happy to see your post and as usual I am in awe of your selflessness. You are encouraging Julie while in the midst of the maelstrom of sct preparation.

Sundays sermon was about the spiritual gifts almighty God gives in addition to the unbelievable gift of eternal life. Before Aml I read the purpose driven life and struggled to find my purpose. AML identified my purpose. ENCOURAGEMENT. I am not perfect at it but it gives me so much joy.

Romans 12:6-8New Living Translation (NLT)

6In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.7If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well.8If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.

I find myself moved to pray for all of the AML warriors throughout my day, especially while driving to and from works each day.

GOD bless us all

Julie

Well said Andy, so in tune w what we are going through lately. Just as we try to move forward with life, trying for another child through IVF, Satan has crept in and turned my happy place upside down. Making me question things. I keep reading everyone's replies and they are so insightful
Bless you guys

Thanks everyone:).

Julie- My fellow inversion 16 friend:). You always are so encouraging and make me feel like I can do this. I was envious at your ability to work through treatment. I feel blessed for every day and feel like I'm a better mother to my girls:)

Dave- Thanks for the encouragement and I truly feel that getting back into life is such a blessing even when it comes with difficult times. Congrats at being 5.5 years out.

Cliff- Congrats on being 4 years out. I love hearing all the success stories. Thanks for helping everyone with very technical info:)

Andy- You are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Just know that you have many prayers coming your way. I know transplant is scary but look at all the people that are doing great. You are having to work for everything but all will be worthwhile in the long run. You will be achieving your dreams of being a PA and helping out others knowing what it is like being sick. Your plan doesn't stop here, there are many years to come. I know this disease affects everyone mentally but stay determined and get ready for the future. You have age to your advantage and a 10/10 match which will play to your advantage. Don't give this disease any power it doesn't deserve. You can beat it and come through on the other side. I went to MDA for hope and they gave it to me. Just know you are in good hands and being treated by the best. My thoughts are with you and you've got this:).