Oh Cliff I am so sorry that you have gotten shingles, my mother had it and had terrible pain with it.

I will also pray for your speedy recovery. Take care of yourself.

Karen

:( oh no, Many prayers being sent your way Cliff! I am so sorry to hear you're in pain, I hope you can recover quickly
Lea

Thanks everyone. I really think my Mother's death was too much for me to bear. I might be selfish. I had her for 61 years and wanted her for 61 more. It pains me to see my father. I had never seen him cry before, but now he does, and that hurts me to see. Maybe the shingles is God's way of diverting my attention away from my grief over her. The pain certainly is distracting. Nothing relating to my AML hurt this much. Maybe I am an artist in disguise, because I am really suffering. I feel like painting my version of Munsch's "The Scream."

I have been so negligent of all of my friends on DS, and I apologize profusely. When I finally read about Sandra's loss of Ben, it hurt me more than the shingles and I feel awful about not being here for her at that time.
The rest of us just have to stay healthy. No news is good news.

Cliff

The only time I got shingles was when throwing a surprise 50th for my parents anniversary. Problem was my dad had lost half his leg to diabetes and was loosing the toes on the other foot. My mom is an English war bride and we were trying to house and hide 13 English relations including moms sister who had never been out of the village in England! The internal tension coupled with wrapping up the school year was overwhelming.
It is the stress Cliff but hopefully the intense pain will be short-lived.
Get well

Shingles is so painful. My husband got it at the ripe old age of 36 years ago related to stress. Please try the new anti-virals. It can help shorten the duration of the flare-up.

So sorry to hear the loss of your mother. Prayers for peace and strength for your father and a very quick recovery for yourself.

Cliff
My deepest condolences to you on your mothers passing.I agree with you in that it doesn't matter how old they are we still want them for a little bit longer.I lost my mum 3 years ago and 10 weeks before I was diagnosed with AML.My grief was so intense and I was so run down and tired.I ignored these symptoms until I developed a large boil on my arm.That led to my diagnosis.I truly believe that my mother was using all her strength to send me a sign to go to the doctor.
My mother was with me in spirit all through my treatment but it was too painful for me to think of her,the grief too intense. To cope with the treatment I had to temporarily let go of my mum. I prayed and spoke to her telling her that I had to let her go until I got better because to think of her and go through treatment was too much. When I finished my treatment the first place I went to was to her grave to tell her how much I loved her and then the grieving commenced.
Cliff gather your strength and take care of yourself.
This too will pass and then you will be left with all the happy memories and the wisdom that our parents have passed down

Lisa

Julie -- I appreciate so much your starting this thread for Cliff. Every time a medical question has come up I keep thinking -- I sure wish Cliff was on like he used to be.

Cliff -- we really need you back here and I am sure that getting into helping others here once again will be another thing that can distract from your grief and your pain. You know we have been praying for you.

One of the largest contributions that those who are on this list to help others make is the emotional pain that comes when we lose someone that we have come to love on the forum. But the only way to avoid this pain is to never love at all -- many people are able to do that, but I feel sorry for them. I was overjoyed to see your response, although your pain and grief were not good news. But I am just anxious to get you back with us on a regular basis once again. I know you will be back -- daveB

hope that you get better soon.... those shingles are so painful, mum got them last year and like you agreed that the shingles were worse than any AMP treatment

sending you lots of positive vibes and love to your family

xoxo

I hope you are recovering from your shingles even though your grief over the loss of your mother will take a much longer time to heal. I have said before that it is so much harder as a caretaker with this disease and whilst you are a patient, you are also a caretaker to so many of us on this site. You can't help but give so much of yourself and worry about us more than yourself. Even while dealing with your grief please take time for yourself too and we understand if you need to be away from us for a short period of time :).

Taswegian,

Thanks for the sentiment. In fact, thank you to everyone.

The post-herpetic neuralgia has really gotten to me. I finally had to get a prescription for Percocet and took my first pill about 30 min ago. I am trying not to take anything, but martyrdom can go just so far.

I read Dave's comment about me. Dave has been my rock through so much of this. He has also been my teacher, although in recent months I have been a poor student. Nevertheless, I read and reread the passages from the Bible that he sent me and have gotten a great deal of solace from them (and distraction). The loss of my mother hurts me even more than the post-shingles pain, which is worse than ANYTHING I experienced during my treatments for AML. Excruciating is not even a good description. It is too mild. I think Karen knows what I mean.

CC, I took the valacyclovir too late. My med student daughter begged me to start when I knew that the pain was likely varicella-zoster, but I put my head in the sand and didn't until the lesions came out. They have faded and never blistered, but the pain now is beyond belief.

Feeling the love from all of you who have posted your wishes for me takes the pain down several notches.

Lisa...I know that at some point I will be able to think about my mother without crying. I haven't gotten there yet. Maybe I am just a wimp, but I adored her and my father, who is doing a bit better lately. I call him every day and, believe it or not, occasionally we don't cry...but only occasionally. I had my mother for 61 years. I am luckier than most, and my 92 year old dad got a haircut today and looks 75. His brain is about 50 (brilliant still).

Again, everyone. Thank you so much. If I continue to write, I will be crying for the next hour, so I will stop here.

I wish nothing but good health to all of you and your loved ones, and promise not to disappear again (I have said that before, but pain can make even the best of us very selfish).

XO

Cliff

Cliff -- thanks for the kind words -- I meant to tell you that Lori was concerned about you as well. I let her know that you are sort of "back on" DS, and I am sure that gave her some comfort. It is good to just go ahead and cry when the spirit moves you to do that, so don't fight it. But God has provided for us a way that the severe pain of loss will not always be as sharp.

I hope that can apply to your shingles as well. I got my shot after seeing what it did to a friend of mine, and anyone reading this who is old enough -- check with your onc and if it is OK, get your shot as soon as possible. The drug stores administer them down here but it did require a phoned in prescription as I recall.

I just hope you can get back to something close to normal before too long. We need you, and we love you -- daveB

Thanks Dave,

First I have to say that everyone on this site should find out whether the varicella vaccine is a possibility for them. Also, if anyone gets the prodrome pain from shingles, start on antiviral treatment immediately. I did not, and am paying for it now.

I took 2 percocet and they did absolutely nothing for the pain, so I will not take any more of those. The oxcarbazepine has not worked yet either, so you can imagine what my days are like. I think post-herpetic neuralgia is one of the most painful disorders. I hope that the pain will subside, because I have been uncharacteristically ill-tempered, although my family has been very indulgent.

Dave, could you send me something to read that is pertinent to my current suffering and to the loss of my mother? I just noticed a dying 50 foot tree on my property. Maybe that will fall down and finish the triad of bad things for me!

I wish I were a painter, because I think I could channel my woes into the suffering artist stereotype.

Again, I apologize for my long lapses. Dave, you are a real role model. You are over your AML and yet you continue to help others. It pains me when I see some of us (including me) distancing ourselves from DS when our health has returned. I won't do that again.

Cliff

Cliff:

I tried to send something but it would not send, so I sent it direct e-mail to you. I am not sure why it had trouble, but perhaps because I was too long winded. I will send the URL for the articles that I have on suffering in another post just in case.

Main thing here is -- please do not apologize for keeping us up on your other issues -- for one thing they might be related to AML, Chemo or GvHD -- and so I would urge you or anyone else to share your issues with us even if they are not AML related. Also, we are interested in helping you through your problems any way that we can, so please keep us up on everything.

Of course, the other reason we want you aboard is the advice you give -- like that above. For sure, anyone who can get the vaccine for shingles for sure should ASAP. Down here the drug stores administer it, but it does require a prescription from a doctor.

We are praying that you will soon take some significant steps in a positive healing direction, and we appreciate your staying with us despite what has to be a terrible combination of physical and emotional blows. Take care and hang in -- dave

Here it is:

http://www.biblethought.net/suffering.html

Thanks -- dave